The Unfinished Puzzle of Me

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the unfinished puzzle of me


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reviewed by: exoexoexolellel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Title (4.5/5)
The title looks very clean and intriguing. Assuming that you keep your word of predicting that the story will hit around forty chapters or so, the clear correlation of the title to the storyline is very effective, despite the story itself only presenting eleven chapters. This shows that you have a set direction for the story since the start, which is really convenient compared to stories that do not have a well-thought out plan to work with. 
 
The only issue that I'd bring up, is with the 'me' in the title, since you write in both Seulgi and Sunggyu's perspective, and the 'puzzle' concept to which the story revolves around seems to only be present in Seulgi's side. But of course, you can reveal the answer to this in your future chapters.
 
Graphics (4/5)
The graphics really are something. I really like the blending of it all, and it's great to see the one piece of a jigsaw puzzle in the midst of the characters. I'm very picky when it comes to posters because I feel that not only would it be imprinted on the readers' mind along with the story's title, but every little thing in the poster should resemble a significant aspect of the story as the graphics reflect the story visually. This being said, I'm not sure why the roses are there, but this is just me being really neat-picky so you don't actually have to read this category. I like how none of the characters' gazes are on the audience, and is that crumpled paper I'm seeing featuring in the background?
I like the positioning of the title, especially 'puzzle' being enlarged and less compacted. I definitely can feel the angst atmosphere created by the leading poster. 
However, the font of the title in the background is different to that of the poster? 
 
Description and Foreword: (9/10)
The indent present in both the Description and Foreword is very neat, and so is the difference in hues. Starting the Description with a quote effectively leads into the explanation of the foundation of the storyline, along with the title. The explanation itself is very clear - no questions raised. 
However, what you currently have in the Foreword gives an insight to the story, therefore it belongs to the Description. Also, regarding that content, since the narration of the story is split between Seulgi and Sunggyu, how come Sunggyu's opinion of his situation isn't featured along with Seulgi's?
Also, the second 'but' you used in the first sentence shouldn't be there. 'But' is used to contrast two things, however, 'failing eventually' and 'I had tried my best for him' sends the same point to the audience. Also, because you've used 'but' a few words before, it stops the reader and makes them think 'wait, didn't she just use that?'
 
He never really liked me, but I had tried my best for him to like me, but failing eventually.
 
Story Layout: (3/5)
The layout of your chapters are fine, except for the frequent uneven spacing. Sometimes, there'd be too big of a gap between paragraphs, and I would get confused to whether a new scene is starting or not. For instance, in Chapter 5, I can clearly see when you start a new scene, and when you don't during Seulgi's perspective, but once Sunggyu starts narrating, the spacing is all over the place.
Also, this may only apply to me, but if you hit Enter three times to start a new scene, I'll notice if you hit Enter two times in another section. You can call my eyes insane. Take Chapter 10 for example. Between the ending words "Really hard." and the starting, "Riiiing", I can see that this division is bigger to when you start a new scene later in the chapter: the gap between "Just for one day." and when Seulgi reaches the kindergarten.
 
Albeit shuffling their names to the centre shows the change in perspective, you should put extra spacing separating their names from the previous perspective to make it more clear.
 
The divisions that raised a question mark above my head disrupted the flow of my reading pace, and I got distracted a lot, which in turn affected my enjoyment of The Unfinished Puzzle of Me.
 
Plot: (22/30)
There are so many arranged marriage based fanfictions around here it's crazy; the good/unfortunate thing is, is that I've stayed away from those types of stories therefore I really cannot label any storyline featuring an arranged marriage cliche, until I get more used to that idea. I find it interesting that all complications fit together like a jigsaw puzzle (:P) except there's the missing piece representing Seulgi and Sunggyu's pain over Myungsoo and Eunji.
It's good to see you planning this story out, because if you're stretching it out over forty chapters, it's vital that you know how and where your story is headed. By the looks of it, though it's way too early to judge since it hasn't even been a week of Seulgi and Sunggyu's marriage, it seems that you're handling The Unfinished Puzzle of Me just fine. 
 
Jumping back to the night where Sunggyu and Seulgi first meet in the bar, I was debating whether it was realistic enough to just marry the two off then and there. I settled with that aside from the fact that every part of their body was intoxicated (albeit not enough to disable them from walking around and having the right minds to organise marriage papers???), plus the emotional state of both characters, it was probably in their genes for Seulgi and Sunggyu to create such drastic things. 
I also wondered how the ahjussi at the beach could be operating the same cart for at least two years straight :o.
So far, The Unfinished Puzzle of Me has a fascinating storyline, and looks to be a very promising read (except I cannot award you full marks because the plot is currently in the middle of being unveiled). 
 
Characterization: (10/10)
You've introduced Seulgi, Sunggyu, Myungsoo, Victoria, Eunji and Naeun quite well to us. I can easily name all the traits each character has. Though I see no development in any character (and this is okay since the flow of the story is slow-paced) yet, I can tell that Seulgi will match really well with Sunggyu, with her turbulent vulnerable thoughts and emotions balancing with his half-oblivious, organised and at times considerate personality. 
I'd like to see more of Seulgi's parents, since they put her in the arranged marriage with Myungsoo, because I can't put a finger on just who Seulgi's mother really is. She seems like a caring mother, sending her love to Seulgi, but at the start I thought she was quite cruel, shoving Seulgi into the marriage with Myungsoo and then taking off when she runs away from her wedding. Since the arranged marriage was for Seulgi's father's benefit, I'd also like to know a bit about him since you haven't really mentioned his personality at all, albeit I understand that the focus should be on the young ones. 
Overall, you're managing well with the characters. 
 
Content Description (10/10)
There aren't any issues regarding the description of the scenes as most of the time I could clearly understand what was happening. You have a nice balance of character dialogue and sentences presenting movements, and your explanations do not beat around the bush. Nice job!
 
Flow: (5/5)
You're taking your time with The Unfinished Puzzle of Me as you stretched out three days over a span of eleven chapters. It's quite slow, but since your chapters are short this is necessary for your readers to understand that the whole marriage thing between Seulgi and Sunggyu is very overwhelming for them, especially since you started the story with the proposals for both the main characters. Though the story is currently slow-moving, you've kept it very steady and smooth, and I hope to see you maintain this evenly appropriate pace till the end of your story.
 
Grammar: (10/10)
Your grammar is exceptional (as expected of a reader who looks for stories whose grammar should be up there :P). Some things I noticed that you might like to know, is that you tend to use a lot of action sentences around dialogues rather than tag-verbs, such as he said, she exclaimed, they laughed, etc. You also know how to use techniques such as truncated sentences effectively.
A very important thing to know when writing, is to not be fooled with tense traps when writing in past tense. Use the present tense of a word if what you are describing is perpetual, or at least valid to the present moment. But you've mostly got this trap in the bag. 
I've scraped up what I could pick out of the following chapters, and corrected them for you:
 
 
 

CHAPTER ONE

 

 

. . . say 'yes, I would like to be your wife, the wife of Kim Myungsoo'?

 

 

He finally pushed me by myself and I stood by myself in front of everyone awkwardly. To me seconds seemed like hours, as I waited here by myself in a wedding dress in front of a whole crowd.
[The first 'by myself' is unnecessary since you say it four words later, and the second 'by myself' contradicts 'a whole crowd', as Seulgi cannot be alone (which is what you imply) when there's people in her presence.]

 

 

 

CHAPTER 2

 

 

"Sunggyu, who are you texting?" a voice that belonged to Woohyun, asked.

 

 

"I mean seriously, it's not like she is a famous person like... Eunji!"
[It is unneccessary to have more than three periods (.) present in an ellipsis (...).]

 

 

". . . Haha, well, who knows when that will happen..." Eunji replied, leaving me to slightly tighten [up] my fists when she said that she needed to first 'find a boyfriend'.

 

 

"But hyung, this is my personal space right now..." Woohyun whined.

 

 

I dialled Eunji's number telling her to come over quickly, saying I had something to say to her face to face.
[I wasn't 100% sure about the spelling of this one, because I've always gone with 'dialled' except 'dialed' looked fine as much as it looked wrong. Onto Google I go, and one website tells me that 'dialled' belongs to the British English, and 'dialed' American. I'm bound to the British way, but I do not oppose American English as I use it from time to time, and the website seems legit however, all the other websites as a result of my search all present 'dialled'. So I'm keeping the British English, but I'll leave it up to you how you want to use this word.]

 

 

". . . I have something very important to tell you too. But you should say . . ."

 

 

How awkward would that be...

 

 

I didn't even hear the phone call that she had just received...
...from her director.

 

 

 

CHAPTER FIVE

 

 

You've got to be kidding me.

 

 

I answered him with my newfound courage.

 

 

"You do not know what I have been through these last twenty-four hours. . . ."
[Any number over ten should not be written in numerical form.]

 

 

". . . Do you know what has happened to me in the last twenty-four hours too?"

 

 

. . . I informed Sunggyu what has occured in the last twenty-four hours and vice versa.

 

 

. . . or to be exact, our last twenty-four hours, . . .

 

 

Eunji sounded wistful, unlike the high-pitched, cheery voice she usually has. 

 

 

What could she possibly want to ask me? . . . Wait. She couldn't... she couldn't have possibly found out about my marriage with Seulgi right?

 

 

Taste of the Story: (10/10)
The Unfinished Puzzle of Me is very interesting, and I'm loving the events folding out. I really like your characters and how well they mix with each other. You're like me; I always seem to project some kind of definition of life in my stories, and The Unfinished Puzzle of Me is a written proof of this habit. I don't need to think twice that you'll twist this story into a wonderful read. I wish you good luck on this fanfiction :).

 

 


TOTAL: (87.5/100)

 

 

 

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NeverNinaa #1
Chapter 110: Hello there! I saw that your shop is accepting requests and I was wondering how can I drop a request? I'm sorry, i'm using my phone right now and i can't seem to catch the request form anywhere XD could you please guide me?
sweetcandy65 #2
I love reading your reviews in this archive because not only your reviews were interesting, it also helped me with my own mistakes! Thank goodness you made this archive ♡
JESLEN #3
Chapter 75: 5/5
Thank you for your content description. I never realized that car scene before lol. But thank you for that. You’re right about the thoughts and feelings by other characters should not be actually realized by the person’s POV. Guess I’m too immersed in the writing that I got carried away lol.
Im glad the flow is alright. Considering that it’s my first story (my practice 101), I wasn’t sure if my pacing was alright. I wasn’t exactly confident with the flashbacks being inserted like that but I’m happy you liked it (;
Grammar is not really my best asset, especially prepositions/conjunctions. I absolutely need to learn more. Thank you for your kind words despite.
Thank you very much for reviewing my story despite the rated scenes. I can never thank you enough for this very insightful review. Im glad you enjoyed the story despite everything. And once again, Im so sorry for the late pick up! I’ll credit now. Thank you once again and sorry for the loooonnnnnng comments :D
JESLEN #4
Chapter 75: 4/5
- gray eyes come from a thin layer of melanin on the front layer of the iris. The blue reflection of light is clouded over by the dark layer in front causing a dark gray color. (haha copied it from a med book lol)
-you’re right about her car injuries, I’ve only described her immense aches and pain after and the switching of faces, I’ve realized I focused too much on the switching that her injuries weren’t emphasized, thank you for emphasizing that
JESLEN #5
Chapter 75: 3/5
Your questions are gold! Thank you! I’ll keep them in mind while writing. Well to answer some of them:
-Changing face is actually possible, but would require lots of sessions. It’s from a theory and no, it isn’t practiced. *hint* from the latest story update, they changed faces, but would the outcome be the same? Would it be successful this time?*hint*hint
-what caused the amnesia---will be revealed later on haha
-whether joongki can take med degrees when he’s still young...ill try to check if I missed out a detail here  haha, I thought i made that info clear before, but apparently it’s doubtful
-whether joongki is thinking about her in the café, then she appeared…well, she’s been on his mind consistently ever since she disappeared and that day wasn’t an exemption.
-about shi hoo looking at her the same way? Let’s see what will happen 
JESLEN #6
Chapter 75: 2/5
For the layout, being consistent is so hard T__T but thank you for pointing the specific flaws. I’ll get to that and correct them. Thank you!

To be honest, I’ve never watched Good Doctor although I loved both Moon Chae Won and Joo Won. All I know is that the drama is all about doctors. Anyway, I’ve thought of a plot involving switching faces and how from that, a story will be created. I’ve added arrange marriage because to be honest, I have a feels for them (that is, before AFF was supersaturated with arrange-marriage fics). From there, Ive thought of making a second male lead as a friend helping the heroine with her struggle, but I’ve thought it too dull. I never really planned on making the doctor her love interest, but after some thoughts, why not? It would be a challenge to write. This is actually my first story and I never really thought about the number of chapters. I never really planned ahead during that time. I was full of daydreams and what ifs, that I became too excited to make it a reality, a story. Looking back, I realized how “short” my chapters are since 3-5 chapters actually happened in just a day. From there, I tried to learn how to balance scenes with my other stories. I knew how tiring it must be to read a long story T__T but since I started Imposter this way, I have to continue with what I have and improve the balancing of scenes till the end. I’ve thought of revamping after completing, and hopefully can publish it in the future 
JESLEN #7
Chapter 75: 1/5
oh my goodness. I didnt realize my review is up, but i saw it when I played a little with google search. Im so sorry for the late pick up!
Anyway for the title, I agree that some may not find it attractive enough, but for now, you're right that I should stick with it since the end is near. I will definitely think of a more mysterious title once I’ve completed and revamped the story. For the graphics, I’m glad someone pointed out the different symbolism it held. The graphic artist definitely understood what the story is all about. I couldn’t ask for more, and we’re the same! Aside from the beauty, I appreciate an artwork more if the artist can imbed hints and important symbolisms. I understand what you’re trying to point out with the trailers. Actually, I requested trailers when the story is only starting. I only gave brief description to the video artists, without giving them the little big reveals. The trailers are actually their interpretation with what little summary I gave them.
yeolsbubbletea #8
Chapter 77: Oh, and I'm interested about the details of my grammar mistakes. I wish to talk a bit more about it :)
yeolsbubbletea #9
Chapter 77: Thank you for the review and sorry for the late thank you :) It's a relieve that I can make characters and the plot well, but of course it's a disappointment that reviewer-nim didn't enjoy reading my story 'that much'. Based on your building critiques, I guess I have to learn more and develop a more well established story that can leave a very good taste of the story. It makes me reflect a lot on my own story and reminds me that I still have a lot to improve.
I hope everything will go well for this review shop. Have a nice day! :)
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