When You Loved the Other Half of Me
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when you loved the other half of me
Cha Miyeon hates for having a twin. Especially when the twin, Minkyung, is prettier and more talented. However, Miyeon can't hate her because Minkyung is so nice. All what Miyeon wants ended up being Minkyung's. Is Park Chanyeol included?
reviewed by: exoexoexolellel
Title (3/5)
When You Loved the Other Half of Me is quite a lengthy title, however, from a subjective point of view I do not think it would lose its appeal among a list of fanfictions. It would catch the attention of many readers, even. The purpose of the title isn't as clear as it seems to me. What it projects, is what I'l assume Park Chanyeol "being in love" with Cha Minkyung, the twin of Miyeon. If this is the case, then the title says that Minkyung is the "other half" of Miyeon, and this resembles the two being extremely close sisters, sharing such a connection that Miyeon can say her sister is her other half. Reading When You Loved the Other Half of Me, I wouldn't say this is true, so if indeed this is what you intended, then you may need to promote Miyeon's love for her sister more directly throughout your story. Other alternatives I can think of, would be the "other sides" of Chanyeol or Miyeon of which the readers aren't aware of, and this could be Miyeon addressing the title to Chanyeol, or vice versa. However, I strongly go against this theory as When You Loved the Other Half of Me is almost at forty chapters, and implementing such a plot twist would call the story forward for another bundle of chapters. The relevance between the title to your story is unclear at this stage, to say the least, and I think you should consider revealing the symbolism the title holds sooner or later in the story.
Graphics (5/5)
This would be my first time seeing so many hues in a poster, especially a rainbow-base. The background is very attractive, and in lengthy reads such as When You Loved the Other Half of Me, the readers would at some point notice the vibe the background emits, in the corner of their eyes. The positioning of the characters aren't inappropriate, and the animation of half of the title as well as the quote adds on the appealing effect of the graphics. In all, it creates a very mysterious yet enticing atmosphere to the fanfiction.
Description and Foreword: (6/10)
You've left the Description very vague, supplying readers only a quote from the main character. The quote may spark just the right amount of interest for the reader to start on your chapters, but it is quite brief; you might want to possibly add more material. However, having read all of your chapters and looking back on the Description, I don't think the quote appropriately sums up your story. As I think back, Miyeon not being grateful for what she has doesn't pose as the core problem she continuously faces - it's more of the unrequited love.
The Foreword section is usually for author notes and credits, which is exactly what you have done, so no questions raised here.
Story Layout: (5/5)
The chapter layouts are relatively neat, the font, font sizes and divisions are kept consistent throughout the story, and that's a very impressive aspect to manage considering you have thirty-eight chapters plus side stories and notes.
Plot: (30/30)
The plot is well planned, and it's easy to see everything happen and fold together. Little events add up to the developing infatuation Miyeon feels for Chanyeol, and later on, Chanyeol feels for Miyeon. Sudden scenes popped into the story are well-manouvered in between chapters, causing disturbances between romantic growth and understanding that wouldn't, or shouldn't, be frowned upon by your readers. It's a relief to finally see Chanyeol reign in his admiration for Miyeon - it being more than a friend - and set the main OTP together. If you would like to know my thoughts on the originality of When You Loved the Other Half of Me, there are many many many fanfictions out there that feature twins where one is seen as "perfect", and the other, "not enough". In this case Minkyung would be the twin who has it all, friends, her parents' love, a very high reputation, and Miyeon is hanging back in the shadows although it's nice to see Yeri and Soohyun proving to be a very friendly accompanient as the story goes on. I think your readers would agree with me on this that you've kept us all on edge with Chanyeol and Miyeon's encounters, and the growing relationship between the two. At this point in the story I don't find any flaws within the storyline: everything is extremely well balanced.
Characterization: (10/10)
You've introduced and developed the characters well. Most importantly, Chanyeol's romantic feelings towards Miyeon was not rushed and slowly progressed throughout the story, which really brings home the fact that since Chanyeol was initially crushing on Minkyung, it's more realistic to see Chanyeol moving on to Miyeon at a relatively slow pace. Miyeon is very flawed compared to Minkyung, and it's a bit unoriginal to see that the twin has it all, but what marks these characters yours are of course, the fact that MInkyung gets too much attention from her parents and the expectations go against her desire and passion. It's a bit different to see that the "perfect" twin is extrememly caring and considerate of Miyeon, attending her needs when Miyeon is incapable of looking after herself. Definitely makes these twins distinctive to other twins portrayed in fanfictions. I think you've beautifully made up the characters of When You Loved the Other Half of Me.
Content Description (6/10)
You have a habit of picking out the smallest of details, and emphasising certain things. This isn't to say that elaborating on details are bad, but what is most common amongst authors when it comes to introducing the scene to readers, is what the general location is imagined as. What you, as the author, think of in your head, is a little or massively different to what your readers will imagine. When you say city, I immediately think it is at night, bright lights shining through rectangles and squaries, neon signs lining busy and crowded streets. Is that what you had in your head? Miyeon and Minkyung's house, a standard two-storey house with a cosy living room, average dining room with a glass table, a wooden brown staircase leading to their upstairs. Is that what you had pictured out? What colour are the school's lockers? The classrooms? Desks? Corridors?
When it comes to the small details, lingering on them is fine, but you need to consider how you set the scene from the very beginning. You should never expect to write "her bedroom" and assume the readers will follow up on you with that.
Flow: (3/5)
Many moments are stretched over the chapters, so the flow of When You Loved the Other Half of Me is quite steady and controlled. Notifications and updates in between chapters are acceptable, but your recent use of the side story, on the other hand, I would advise against it. I think not only does adding in the side story out of nowhere disrupt the fluent pace of your fanfiction, but it can also be a bit of an overload for your readers, considering the content you have written for When You Loved the Other Half of Me as a whole. Personally, I was very taken aback when I read the side story, albeit I will admit I was desperately anticipating Yeri and Baekhyun's brief mention of a possible relationship between the two (sort-of favourites from their respective bands). I would suggest putting the side stories after once you have finished the plot of When You Loved the Other Half of Me, so that you'd have your main story, and then the add-ons.
Many moments are stretched over the chapters, so the flow of When You Loved the Other Half of Me is quite steady and controlled. Notifications and updates in between chapters are acceptable, but your recent use of the side story, on the other hand, I would advise against it. I think not only does adding in the side story out of nowhere disrupt the fluent pace of your fanfiction, but it can also be a bit of an overload for your readers, considering the content you have written for When You Loved the Other Half of Me as a whole. Personally, I was very taken aback when I read the side story, albeit I will admit I was desperately anticipating Yeri and Baekhyun's brief mention of a possible relationship between the two (sort-of favourites from their respective bands). I would suggest putting the side stories after once you have finished the plot of When You Loved the Other Half of Me, so that you'd have your main story, and then the add-ons.
Grammar: (4/10)
Explaining how to correct your grammatical mistakes would be a little complex and time-consuming, which is completely normal with the fact that English isn't your first language. There are many collisions between adjectives, tag-verbs, tenses and many more, amongst your sentences. I am happy to explain all there is, however, that would take a lot of time, and frankly, I'm unsure you would even see this review before I start the new batch. So if you are well and truly interested in the details of the mistakes you make when writing in the English language, do say so in the comments and talk to me in private message.
Explaining how to correct your grammatical mistakes would be a little complex and time-consuming, which is completely normal with the fact that English isn't your first language. There are many collisions between adjectives, tag-verbs, tenses and many more, amongst your sentences. I am happy to explain all there is, however, that would take a lot of time, and frankly, I'm unsure you would even see this review before I start the new batch. So if you are well and truly interested in the details of the mistakes you make when writing in the English language, do say so in the comments and talk to me in private message.
Essentially, to maximise the improvement of becoming familiar with the language, I would suggest reading English novels. There are some fanfictions here on AFF that have top-notch grammar, but there also a lot, probably the majority of the AFF community, where authors struggle to create sentences that obey the laws of the language. Fanfictions here or on any other site contain unpublished and unprofessionally edited stories, so publicised novels with registered authors would be your best bet. The easy way out of this, would be of course to find yourself a beta-reader who can correct your mistakes as they read along.
In general, there are little typographical errors I came across, so a very well done on that.
Taste of the Story: (6/10)
In this category, I'll be completely honest that I wasn't enjoying this story at all, and the major factor here would be because of the grammar. I would have thought that I have changed from the past and can now bear incorrect grammar as I read the story, but I think my pet peeve may have returned. The story wasn't building up for me in the first fifteen or so chapters in your story, so I wasn't hooked onto your story. However, things turned very interesting as you started dropping more obvious hints that Chanyeol turned around and found himself interested in Miyeon. I had my doubts earlier in this story, but I guess I am still a er for romance. As soon as Chanyeol asked to hold Miyeon's hand, my enjoyment level raised from 20% to 90%, just like that. And the forehead kisses, the shy glances in the cafeteria, it was all finally coming together and I was so happy for Miyeon. I am quite conflicted as to what to put for the score, since I flew by the last ten chapters from my excitement of the developing relationship, so I took into the consideration of the level of grammar, and the length of your story.
In this category, I'll be completely honest that I wasn't enjoying this story at all, and the major factor here would be because of the grammar. I would have thought that I have changed from the past and can now bear incorrect grammar as I read the story, but I think my pet peeve may have returned. The story wasn't building up for me in the first fifteen or so chapters in your story, so I wasn't hooked onto your story. However, things turned very interesting as you started dropping more obvious hints that Chanyeol turned around and found himself interested in Miyeon. I had my doubts earlier in this story, but I guess I am still a er for romance. As soon as Chanyeol asked to hold Miyeon's hand, my enjoyment level raised from 20% to 90%, just like that. And the forehead kisses, the shy glances in the cafeteria, it was all finally coming together and I was so happy for Miyeon. I am quite conflicted as to what to put for the score, since I flew by the last ten chapters from my excitement of the developing relationship, so I took into the consideration of the level of grammar, and the length of your story.
It seems it's been quite a while since you updated, and coming from my own fanfiction of which I struggle to update, I'd advise that you don't force yourself into updating. Write up a new chapter when you're in the mood for it, because there's nothing worse than pushing yourself into something you're not enjoying, and then end up having a chapter that isn't of your best quality, and possibly going off-track with the story. Just wait for motivation, as long as it will take, and have fun writing :).
TOTAL: (78/100)
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