An Alpha and a Yakuza - 95

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An alpha and a yakuza

reviewed by DeeDee101

 

the request.

AUTHOR » kimmynurry

STORY status » Completed

chapters reviewed » 37

genres » angst, werewolf, yakuza

description » Knowing that she comes from a strong and reputable bloodline of Yakuza isn’t as shocking as finding out that she has a soul mate. Specifically being a mate to a werewolf, and not just any werewolf – an Alpha. At the age of 16, her life fell apart, and it was also the time when her life changed – not for the better, but a dangerous one. Under the care of her Yakuza grandparents, Rei turns into this cynical human being who isn’t afraid of death anymore, one who isn’t afraid to stand up for what she believes in and will fight for her right. Having that in mind, Rei doesn’t give up or care for what’s to come for her but to continue to fight for her life. Life becomes harder as fate decided to meddle with her life, ing her into all sorts of complicated situations, especially when she’s the future heiress to the Yakuza throne, as well as being the mate to this jerk of an Alpha – everything is aligned to be a perfect disaster.

" No matter how people may belittle me, it can't be worse than me belittling myself."


" I've gained more strength and I've learned what it means to never give up. "


 

 

 

title (5)

appeal » 2/2

correlation » 2/2
CLARITY » 1/1
 

To me simplicity of story titles always work, for example your story title rings nicely to my ears because it really fits the story summary. It also appeals to me because when I clicked there was no fiction with a name like yours, which is a big plus. It nicely correlates with your storyline. What I gathered is clarity because many authors fail to convey but you did. And you won all full points!

 

 

    graphics (5)

 

APPEAL OF THE poster » 2/2

correlation to the story » 2/2
suitability of the vibe from the graphics » 1/1

 

Graphic made for your story is absolutely mirroring your story and its summary. I have nothing else to say here. I have no advice to give because it’s none. The only thing you can do is to give my applause to the graphic designer who made the poster for you. To some reviewers graphic isn’t playing a role, but to me graphic inspires you to develop your story more and more and graphic is always that thing that the reader comes across when he searches for a story to read. Full points here!

 

 

    description and foreword (8)

 

APPEAL of the description » 3/4

appropriateness of the description » 3/4
organisation of description and foreword » 2/2
 

Description is a bit long in my opinion, because I think it kinda gives it away the whole plot and events become a bit predictable. I am saying this because readers tend to give up when plot becomes predictable. You don’t have to, but I’d suggest if you shortened it a bit. However, what I truly like is that you kept this section very organized. Again, if you want to leave it as it is, it’s of course acceptable. :)

 

 

    story layout (5)

 

consistency of font, font size and divisions » 3/3

overall appeal and organisation of chapters » 2/2

 

Font, font size and divisions are pleasing for my eyes, they are just how they should be. By reading throughout your story and observing its layout it is nicely organized, you really made sure to keep everything in check (that is something in which I fail while I write). This is another thing that draws readers to the story or it either draws them away. 

 

PLOT (30)

APPEAL OF the base storyline » 10/10

the effect of events » 10/10
development of plot » 10/10

 

I really thought this would be another cliche boring plot with mafia. But when I actually read your plot perfectly, you really shocked me. I am all for the mafia. Good action, nicely planned out scenes. However, mixed with werewolf stuff? Now that is something I want to read!

    characterisation (9)

 

development of characters » 4/5

character influence on the story » 5/5
 

You developed every character well. For example while I adore Rei’s best friend Miyu, I particularly like Rei. Her struggle, her decisions, her independence in each sentence and scenes made me love her even more. However, there were parts that a little made me confused, but you honestly “fixed” all that in each chapter. And with that said, your characters did an amazing job in leading the story nicely. 

 

 

    content description (8)

 

quantity » 3/5

quality » 5/5

 

Your content description is very nicely organized, however what I would suggest is not to give out the whole information about the plot. Even a quote of summary would suffice. I am saying this because some readers simply wouldn’t like when you spoil them too much of your plot and readers adore (like me) when they get flagbastered and surprised. But other than that everything else seemed nicely organized. 

 

flow (5)

suitability of the flow » 2/2

your control of the pace » 3/3
 

The flow is perfect. From its beginning, the story flows nicely, it shows her daily life and slowly as the story progresses you add that speed and more action, suspense which I like to see in every story. I do believe that flow is needed and more important than grammar. And it helps your storyline to develop more and more. 

 

 

    grammar (10)

 

punctuation » 4/4

spelling » 2/2
vocabulary » 2/2
tense collisions » 2/2

 

To be honest, I don’t know what else to add here. Just that your grammar is from the beginning until the very end is perfect. I didn’t see any typical typo that we all usually make when we write something (I am queen of typos xD). Spelling, punctuation is flawless. Tense collisions I believe should exist, some other reviewers may disagree with me, but I do believe that when you write in first person or third you can’t just write in one tense but sometimes you have to land something from other tenses too. 

 

 

    taste of story (10)

 

personal enjoyment of plot and characters » 5/5
influence of flow and grammar » 4/4

length of your story » 1/1

 

My personal enjoyment could be seen at the way I review and in how much time it takes me to read your story. I give myself a long time to read it because in that way I am enjoying parts I already read. I enjoyed reading your story a lot. It came in perfect timing, like an escape from reality. Grammar didn’t influence your story to be bad or anything but it affected it in a good way, just like the flow. Your story isn’t lengthy so I didn’t ended up being bored but very excited for many of your stories to come into my hands :D 

 

 

NOTE: Do forgive me for being so late with the review!

 

total score (95)

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Comments

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NeverNinaa #1
Chapter 110: Hello there! I saw that your shop is accepting requests and I was wondering how can I drop a request? I'm sorry, i'm using my phone right now and i can't seem to catch the request form anywhere XD could you please guide me?
sweetcandy65 #2
I love reading your reviews in this archive because not only your reviews were interesting, it also helped me with my own mistakes! Thank goodness you made this archive ♡
JESLEN #3
Chapter 75: 5/5
Thank you for your content description. I never realized that car scene before lol. But thank you for that. You’re right about the thoughts and feelings by other characters should not be actually realized by the person’s POV. Guess I’m too immersed in the writing that I got carried away lol.
Im glad the flow is alright. Considering that it’s my first story (my practice 101), I wasn’t sure if my pacing was alright. I wasn’t exactly confident with the flashbacks being inserted like that but I’m happy you liked it (;
Grammar is not really my best asset, especially prepositions/conjunctions. I absolutely need to learn more. Thank you for your kind words despite.
Thank you very much for reviewing my story despite the rated scenes. I can never thank you enough for this very insightful review. Im glad you enjoyed the story despite everything. And once again, Im so sorry for the late pick up! I’ll credit now. Thank you once again and sorry for the loooonnnnnng comments :D
JESLEN #4
Chapter 75: 4/5
- gray eyes come from a thin layer of melanin on the front layer of the iris. The blue reflection of light is clouded over by the dark layer in front causing a dark gray color. (haha copied it from a med book lol)
-you’re right about her car injuries, I’ve only described her immense aches and pain after and the switching of faces, I’ve realized I focused too much on the switching that her injuries weren’t emphasized, thank you for emphasizing that
JESLEN #5
Chapter 75: 3/5
Your questions are gold! Thank you! I’ll keep them in mind while writing. Well to answer some of them:
-Changing face is actually possible, but would require lots of sessions. It’s from a theory and no, it isn’t practiced. *hint* from the latest story update, they changed faces, but would the outcome be the same? Would it be successful this time?*hint*hint
-what caused the amnesia---will be revealed later on haha
-whether joongki can take med degrees when he’s still young...ill try to check if I missed out a detail here  haha, I thought i made that info clear before, but apparently it’s doubtful
-whether joongki is thinking about her in the café, then she appeared…well, she’s been on his mind consistently ever since she disappeared and that day wasn’t an exemption.
-about shi hoo looking at her the same way? Let’s see what will happen 
JESLEN #6
Chapter 75: 2/5
For the layout, being consistent is so hard T__T but thank you for pointing the specific flaws. I’ll get to that and correct them. Thank you!

To be honest, I’ve never watched Good Doctor although I loved both Moon Chae Won and Joo Won. All I know is that the drama is all about doctors. Anyway, I’ve thought of a plot involving switching faces and how from that, a story will be created. I’ve added arrange marriage because to be honest, I have a feels for them (that is, before AFF was supersaturated with arrange-marriage fics). From there, Ive thought of making a second male lead as a friend helping the heroine with her struggle, but I’ve thought it too dull. I never really planned on making the doctor her love interest, but after some thoughts, why not? It would be a challenge to write. This is actually my first story and I never really thought about the number of chapters. I never really planned ahead during that time. I was full of daydreams and what ifs, that I became too excited to make it a reality, a story. Looking back, I realized how “short” my chapters are since 3-5 chapters actually happened in just a day. From there, I tried to learn how to balance scenes with my other stories. I knew how tiring it must be to read a long story T__T but since I started Imposter this way, I have to continue with what I have and improve the balancing of scenes till the end. I’ve thought of revamping after completing, and hopefully can publish it in the future 
JESLEN #7
Chapter 75: 1/5
oh my goodness. I didnt realize my review is up, but i saw it when I played a little with google search. Im so sorry for the late pick up!
Anyway for the title, I agree that some may not find it attractive enough, but for now, you're right that I should stick with it since the end is near. I will definitely think of a more mysterious title once I’ve completed and revamped the story. For the graphics, I’m glad someone pointed out the different symbolism it held. The graphic artist definitely understood what the story is all about. I couldn’t ask for more, and we’re the same! Aside from the beauty, I appreciate an artwork more if the artist can imbed hints and important symbolisms. I understand what you’re trying to point out with the trailers. Actually, I requested trailers when the story is only starting. I only gave brief description to the video artists, without giving them the little big reveals. The trailers are actually their interpretation with what little summary I gave them.
yeolsbubbletea #8
Chapter 77: Oh, and I'm interested about the details of my grammar mistakes. I wish to talk a bit more about it :)
yeolsbubbletea #9
Chapter 77: Thank you for the review and sorry for the late thank you :) It's a relieve that I can make characters and the plot well, but of course it's a disappointment that reviewer-nim didn't enjoy reading my story 'that much'. Based on your building critiques, I guess I have to learn more and develop a more well established story that can leave a very good taste of the story. It makes me reflect a lot on my own story and reminds me that I still have a lot to improve.
I hope everything will go well for this review shop. Have a nice day! :)
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