{Mute Sentiments by WonderQuill}

Story Title (3/5)

The title is very appealing and eye catching albeit I wouldn't say it's the best title for your story as I didn't see the relevance instantly. Is it refering to Kai's feelings for Kyungsoo before his death, or after, or both? Or is it none at all? Whatever you're relating the title to the story, you should have explained the concept more thoroughly, for example, if you had intended to link it to after Kyungsoo's death, you should've described what Kai was feeling inside. You had only showed his anger through his actions, such as when he stormed up to Kris and when he cried for the first time and that got me feeling something, but that something wasn't a strong feeling for me.

Graphics (-/5)

You should get a poster and background for your story. The picture you have posted for your chapter, it doesn't represent the story. Graphics set the vibe of the story and it is quite an important aspect when it comes to attracting readers.

Description and Foreword (9/10)

The description is engaging and perfect to start off your story, so well done for that. There is a grammatical mistake in there that keeps reoccuring throughout the story and I will talk about it in the grammar category.

{Story Plot}

Characterisation (17/20)

Your characters are quite original and well thought up of. You definitely showed the ups and downs of Jongin. However, I'd have to take a few marks off as of Kyungsoo's character. He's too perfect. He has no flaw. He's been the most loyal boy, loving his adopted brother, family, and never switching his attention to another boy. He knew he had cancer, he knew he was going to die, yet he lived his life as if death wasn't around the corner. He even wished that Jongin would forget about him after he died... it's all a little cliche and it did make the story a little boring. For future oneshots or fanfictions, it's okay to portray characters to be "perfect" but everyone has their flaws and you have to show readers that or else, it just ruins the whole reading experience.

Originality (2/10)

I hate to say this, but all of your ideas were cliche. There are so many stories where one character tutors another and they eventually fall in love with each other. I'm betting that one in every five fanfictions where one character gets diagnosed with cancer, while in a romantic problem with his/her crush, and dies before the other character gets to apologise/confess/spend more time with them. And half of those authors will make the person with the cancer write the last letter they will ever create, dedicated to their long time crush. So no, your story isn't original, but I will give you some credit for adding in the musical recital, and making Kyungsoo's family adopt Tao and marry him off to Kris.

Flow (5/5)

The events flowed perfectly, each connecting and relating to the previous context. The scenes of the present were neatly slotted in. Nice job.

Conflict twists (0/10)

As I didn't find your story original, there were no real twists to it, as I have seen the one where a character gets jealous at seeing his crush being intimate with another and goes to confront them, making a fool out of himself. Many, many times. And Kyungsoo's sudden death was no surprise to me, I actually laughed because I was already imagining the words three lines beforehand. I'm not trying to sound mean or anything, sorry.

Content Descriptiveness (6/10)

You definitely showed what Kai and Kyungsoo was feeling towards each other through their dialogue and actions. However, I will have to take marks off as I didn't really feel what Kai was experiencing after Kyungsoo's death, as I mentioned in the Story Title, I didn't find the description that should have been there. Also, I want to point out that it's a little pointless to put exactly what you have put in the description at the beginning of your story. I had just read the same text, so I had skimmed over the part, looking for any added information, and I didn't find any, so I was a little confused as to why you would put it there in the first place. The story would start out just fine if you went straight into the flashback.

Grammar (13/15)

You have proved for your grammar to be quite exceptional though I have found one big common mistake.

Most authors tend to make this mistake. It's called tag-verb agreement, where you are required to place a comma after the dialogue when writing a tag verb (he said, she screamed, they cried) afterwards. You have to put the first letter in lower case so that the sentence flows. On the other hand, when putting an action sentence after the dialogue, you put a period after the character's speech and put the first letter of the new sentence in upper case.

Quote: "Here," The doctor interrupts, holding out a filled glass to the broken soul.

Correction: "Here," the doctor interrupts, holding out a filled glass to the broken soul.

Quote: "I'll say the same thing when you come to me for advice." Sehun said, placing a hand on Kai's shoulder. "Laters."

Correction: "I'll say the same thing when you come to me for advice," Sehun said, placing a hand on Kai's shoulder. "Laters."

The only time you should be putting digits in a story is to state the date, or some sort of code/name.

Quote: “Kim Jongin, a 99 out of 100.”

Correction: “Kim Jongin, a ninety-nine out of a hundred.”

You should go back over you story and correct these mistakes. Be careful when coming across the dialogues as those mistakes kept popping up frequently.

Taste of the Story (5/10)

I did enjoy your story although to be honest, it would have to be your grammar that brightened up the story. You have no idea how much I hate fanfictions with horrible English. I'm a little paranoid about grammar. As I stressed about before, your story was just too cliche and I could practically predict the events two paragraphs before you introduced it. I'm sorry if you're frowning after this review, I admit I'm quite a harsh reviewer. Don't take it personally though, you did develop your story at a moderate pace, letting all the events flow fluently, and that's something to be proud of.

Score: 60/100

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