Sister Winter
LUST reviews >> archive > main shop accepting requests!sister winter
reviewed by Alyania
the request
AUTHOR » HellodyLust
STORY status » Completed
type of request » Standard
chapters reviewed » 1
genres » angst, romance, sliceoflife. Rated M for .
description » In an abandoned cabin miles away from where they lived, they met and found home.
" No matter how people may belittle me, it can't be worse than me belittling myself."
" I've gained more strength and I've learned what it means to never give up. "
title (4)
appeal » 2/2
correlation » 2/2
CLARITY » 0/1
Your title is definitely unique and intriguing. At first, I couldn't find any correlation between your title and your story besides the fact that Baekhyun calls Saera "sister winter". However, after I searched online and found the song, I actually find the title to be very clever. It's beautiful and has this air of mystery to it, although I would recommend you include a link to the song or even just notifying your readers that it is the name of a song in your author's note in the foreword to avoid confused readers like me.
graphics (1)
APPEAL OF THE poster » 0/2
correlation to the story » 0/2
suitability of the vibe from the graphics » 1/1
Unfortunately, you have no poster for your fanfic, so you get a low grade. There are many graphics shops on AFF, and you can find one to request a poster for this fanfic. Instead, I'll comment on the photos you chose to use. First, I really like the pictures you chose to use in your description, especially the fact that they're both black and white. The gif of Baekhyun is especially wonderful because it contrasts with the gif of him that you used on the top of your first chapter. The black and white obviously contrasts well with the colorful version, but I also really like how different the two expressions are: from solemn and cold to bright and sunny.
description and foreword (9)
APPEAL of the description » 4/4
appropriateness of the description » 3/4
organisation of description and foreword » 2/2
Your description is only 1 line, but I think it works well with your story. It gives off a mysterious aura, and that pulls the readers in. It's short, but sufficient enough to sum up your story without any distracting details. I also really like the quote you used from "It's Okay, That's Love" because it truly captures the essence of Baekhyun's and Saera's relationship.
story layout (3)
consistency of font, font size and divisions » 2/3
overall appeal and organisation of chapters » 1/2
Your font and font size are both consistent, and your division of your story into paragraphs is great. Each line break you do is to separate one thought from another, and I like that. The only problem I have is your font colors in your description and the title in the first chapter. For example, I understand your use of gray instead of black in your sentence "In an abandoned cabin miles away from where they lived, they met and found home" as well as the blue words in the quote from the drama to make them pop out more. However, I don't get why some letters in Baekhyun's and Saera's name and the title "Spring and Winter" are colored differently. The purpose of a different colored font is to bring emphasis on that certain word or phrase, so unless there's some special meaning behind these letters, I would suggest that you make it all the same color to avoid confusion.
PLOT (23)
APPEAL OF the base storyline » 9/10
the effect of events » 5/5
development of plot » 9/10
First off, I have read stories where one of the main character or their relative is sick and dying, but I have never read any stories where both of the main characters have this happening to them, so I enjoyed that new story line. Also, I liked how you made Baekhyun and Saera meet unconventionally in a cabin where they use to escape reality instead of the cliche school setting, so that was also a refreshing change. The events you chose to happen all make sense and are for a reason, so that's well done. There really is no plot hole I am able to detect, so well done! Finally, the development of your plot was beautiful because Baekhyun and Saera didn't immediately fall in love at first sight but instead gradually went through the stages from being strangers to acquaintances to semi-friends to lovers. It reminds of the quote in "The Fault in Our Stars" that "I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once." Overall, your plot is just unique in its own way and well thought out.
characterisation (13)
development of characters » 8/10
character influence on the story » 5/5
Your characterization is mostly good as you follow your initial idea for each character but there are just some small problems. First off, your characterization for Saera is for her to be this cold girl who tries to stay away from others, However, there is a drastic change in her personality towards the end of the fanfic. She ends up in a band, which based on her old personality is something you would assume she would never do. I understand that she uses her mother as motivation for change and to be more open, but I would like to have more details as to why she even decides to join this band. I liked how you focused a lot on how Baekhyun went through the healing process of gradually moving on from his father's death, so I would like more details on how Saera recovered, especially since on top of her sister's death she also felt that it was her responsibility that Baekhyun's mother disowned him. The major characterization is alright, you just need to focus more on some minor details.
content description (8)
quantity » 3/5
quality » 5/5
Your descriptions of many things in the story are just beautiful and elegant, The whole story feels like a poem in prose form. However, I feel like there are some instances where there is no need for so many details. Being able to paint a vivid image in the readers' minds is crucial when writing a story, but having an overload of details can "ruin the magic." Save the details for moments you feel like are really necessary, such as the description of Baekhyun and Saera. Try to be able to still paint that image in the readers' minds without excess descriptions, and your fanfic can still retain that beautiful and elegant tone to it.
flow (4)
suitability of the flow » 2/2
your control of the pace » 2/3
The flow of your story is nicely controlled, and it is not too fast or too slow. the pace may be initially a bit too slow for some readers' taste, but I personally enjoyed it because it gives a more in-depth view into how Baekhyun and Saera gradually break their outer shells and insecurity to learn how to love both each other and themselves.
grammar (8)
punctuation » 2/2
spelling » 2/2
vocabulary » 1/2
syntax » 1/2
tense collisions » 2/2
Your grammar is overall really good, although you do have some tense disagreements throughout your story. Your story is in the past tense, but occasionally you switch to present tense and back. Also, your descriptions are good, but there are some that don't make sense. For example, I understand that you're trying to describe the specific shade of orange in your phrase "rich, dying orange." However, I am confused. I understand the word rich describing a color but what shade of orange is a dying one? An alternative would be "warm, vibrant, or fiery orange." Likewise to what I said before in content description, try not too focus too much about adding details to everything, only the major parts. It's better to have some strong, vivid details than many vague ones.
taste of story (8)
personal enjoyment of plot and characters » 3/5
influence of flow and grammar » 4/4
length of your story » 1/1
I personally did enjoy reading this, so thank you for sharing this with me! The length of your story may be daunting to some readers, but I think it's best to keep it as a oneshot. The plot of your story is unique, and your flow and grammar are overall very good. As long as you pay attention to the things I mentioned such as descriptions and some characterization details, it would be a smooth, elegant story.
total score (81)
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