{A Home For My Heart by shiningtiara}

Story Title (5/5)

You have not failed to impress me of the well-concealed correlation between the title and the story. I think it's a perfet title; it's eye catching, sparks a sense of curiousity, and the connection is obvious. The title has a wonderful sound to it; you really have knack of thinking up great titles. I really like how you prolong why you have made the title "A Home For My Heart" and then in the end, you just blow it up in the readers' face.

Graphics (5/5)

The poster has a wonderful, content vibe to it and I don't really see anything else that needs to be added or removed for it to look better or portray the feel of the story in an enhanced way.

Description and Foreword (7/10)

The description didn't pull me in, therefore it didn't engage me as a reader and make me want to read your story. You didn't use sophisticated language, nor did you protrude a blowing vibe that I think you should create because your story has that blowing effect. Using full stops, commas and lines are an effective way to attract the reader. I will give you an example, but I would advise you to re-word so that the readers will get a feel of your style of writing before they launch into your story.

{ Be forced to marry an heiress of Kim Empire while being in love with another, or let your family's prestige tumble down into hell? 
Jung Yunho struggles to bar down his burden and find a way where he can win on both sides.
But kind-hearted, innocent Kim Jaejoong proves to be a stubborn obstacle.
Will Yunho be able to open his heart to his so called, "wife"? }

{Story Plot}

Characterisation (19/20)

The development of the characters were a little rushed at the beginning, but it flowed smoothly throughout the story. Each individual character had their own unique personality and you have singled them out from one another. Now, I am going to rant off about YUNHO. I HATE HIM. HE'S SO HORRBLE. HE HAS A WIFE FOR GOD SAKES AT LEAST HAVE SOME DIGNITY TO NOT CHEAT ON SUCH AN INNOCENT EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD. Okay I'm sorry I felt really pissed with him for like twenty chapters. AND NOW SHE'S DEAD. Okay I'll stop now. I got a little turned off when he already started feeling things towards Jaejoong when they were so early in their marriage. He has a girlfriend, he's forced into this horrid marriage, yet he still felt all those things for Jaejoong shortly after their wedding. I reckon you could've delayed that phase a little.

Jaejoong is a sweet girl, and so is IU. I don't have anything to say to Heechul, she perfectly poses as those cold-hearted es, I'm actually happy with her character. I do wonder what her reaction was when she found out she was the cause of a wife and an unborned's death. It would definitely prove if she is a good person inside, or just a plain .

Overall I'm pretty happy with your characters, all except YUNHO.  F YOU, YA UNLOYAL . 

Originality (10/10)

Do I even have to say anything in this category? You've combined so many well-known situations together - forced marriage, death of one of the main characters, affairs - and made it into a creation of your own. It's definitely distinctive.

Flow (4/5)

Aside from the rushed feelings of Yunho for Jaejoong, I didn't feeling anything else was rushed. I did happen to suspect that some events occured just for the sake of happening, and not because of the development of the plot or the characters. For example, the striptease, the blackout - maybe you intended this for them to bond but you didn't link back to this part sometime later in the story (which you are professionally talented at). I loved how you always left clues in earlier chapters and explode them in our face in the later chapters. It proves how well planned out your story is.

Conflict twists (10/10)

Your stories have the greatest twists of all time, I didn't know who was going to die! The wife! One baby! Both babies! I was practically smiling (I know, I'm so mean) when I read that the wife and the baby died, because Tiara, you have done it again! Wonderful twist to the story!

Content Descriptiveness (6/10)

As far as I recall, I don't remember reading anything descriptive. Descriptions set out the full picture, so it's important to include that. Make sure you don't go overboard as it will confuse the reader, as well as bore them.

Grammar (9/15)

English isn't your first language. You, me and all your readers are aware of that. I won't repeat what I have told you in the other review but I will point out everything out.

Recap on:

- the tag-verb agreement

- how to improve your English

And that just leaves formalities. First, you shouldn't be emboldening anything, so for the thoughts of the characters, leave it italicised. Sometimes (and only a few times) you would miss out the capitlisations of names, or the required periods or commas, nothing that another run over of the chapter will pose as a threat. If you're too lazy, then it's alright because your story is finished and everything.

Taste of the Story (7/10)

To be honest, I didn't enjoy your story too much. It was a little interesting in the beginning, but during the middle was tedious to me and I kept reading the events and feeling like as if you were putting that there just to make your chapters longer. I might be the only one who thinks this because I have an urge to complete reviews as fast as I can, and the fact that I'm a gramma Nazi. The endings of your stories - I'd say - are always the best part of your story because it's the moment where you reveal everything, and all the clues come back to me, and it's always so genius that I'm left there thinking "whoa". Now, having finsihed your story, it's a decent story, and I do like it. I just got bored in the middle.

Score: 82/100

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