Prediction of Destiny
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PREDICTION OF DESTINY
Normal seventeen year old teenager, Oh Sehun, was granted the ability to draw a person’s significant other. Luhan on the other hand is haunted with a dream. He then proceed to meet the love psychic in order to see the male behind his dreams. What Luhan discovered was the biggest shock of his life – a conspiracy between two big companies. So how are they connected?
REVIEWED BY: FT_sTARS
Title (4/5)
I know that you've heard this from many other reviewers that have been assigned to you but the title is not of an eye catcher, in fact it is too vague yet simple and it is something that I am able to encounter from browsing through this site. I would like to see something different, something that is attention grabbing, unique while connected to the story itself. I would give two points out of five, as it is related heavily around the destiny and prediction but the title is too obvious.
Titles are supposedly to be something that could bring the goodness out of the story plot but it might also break the story because they are the first thing that the readers would see, being said, they are more important than graphics of the story. I had reviewed Eight, one of your stories before, and I would say that even if it's simple, a bit heavy with mysterious aura, the title is much more eye-catching than this one. Another reviewer that I had always looked up has always mentioned that titles are supposed to be symbolic, something that will make the readers remember and see the differences between other stories even if the titles are almost the same. As an example, Harry Potter (and we could only imagine the one and only Harry Potter: The Boy Who Lived) but for Prediction of Destiny, unfortunately, for now it doesn't give out the symbolic point of the true plot.
New update: But one shall also grade it from the actual whole appearance of the story. The past main poster doesn't have a quote to go with and I had to grade the title with a two out of five but this time, I would grade it with a four out of five. The quote goes along with the title and the graphic, and even though the title does not surfaces any originality, the quote gives of the originality of it. Before, I would only grade the title as something as tactless love and romance relationship between two people but this time it is more than that, and the quote proves that the title actually worked with the whole readers' appeal. Good job on creating a graphic that actually brings out the story more.
Graphics (5/5)
The graphics are very pleasing looking, and they captured the actual content of the story, the sketchy one with Jongin in it (like it has been colored with color pencils), and with the fleeting look the main poster has, as if the characters are actually dreaming, pushing us, the readers further more from the reality because this story is more towards the magic hand that Sehun has with the conspiracy between two companies. Truthfully, I'm not too sure how to grade out graphics but I do know that appearance is also one of the thing that brings in readers and the graphics for the story (except for the last one which needs a lot more rendering and blending), I think that the graphics bring out the best out of the story.
(!) Alright, this is the new updated comment for the graphics. Recently, you have updated with a new main graphic, a look more sketchier, hinting the readers with emotions that will bubble up in the story based on Sehun's carrying the case (as if there is something going on, a serious awareness) and Luhan's profile, the downcast eyes are really beautiful. Furthermore, the quotes beside them, goes very well with the whole graphic, creating a stable surface for the story title to shine more - rather than being a title for just only a romance between two people, now, it is more than that.
Description and Foreword: (10/10)
I had compared between the two descriptions of your stories, Eight and Prediction of Destiny and as I've mentioned before, the description for this story is much more revealing but that is what that pulls readers to read and find more since even if it's much more revealing, the description doesn't give out any real points that should be pointed in the story, of what is actually happening towards the characters and their surrounding. Would there be any danger? Who is the man in Luhan's dream? The power in Sehun's hand, would he be able to use it to unlock the mystery and secret from the past? When questions linger in the readers mind, they are ought to find more. From my perspective, the description pulls me directly into the story.
As for the foreword, I was expecting to read something that could give out, maybe, a character traits of Sehun & Luhan, or the man in Luhan's dream, or the start when Sehun started to know that he is gifted to draw a person's significant other. I was expecting something to pull me in even more but from what I've read from one of the reviews, you had the foreword for the story to be done in a prologue which is alright to begin with since Asianfanfic does not bring forward a solid statement that says it is okay to write on this or not to write on it, and I am truly alright when authors didn't put up any snippets that could put readers into the story even more but I was really for hoping to find something much more entrancing in the foreword. With the description being so wonderful, I think it is the best when one could pull the readers even more with the usage of description and foreword.
Story Layout: (5/5)
The story layout, paragraphing and every other small minimal things such as the font and its size are readable, where the alphabets are not being an eye strainer, so everything works out for the best. I truly find it unique, coming from authors as they create the chapter's header, giving it more of a personal vibe. The headers are very very neat. There are a few authors out there that forgot about how important classic is (with the black colored font and readable size) so, I'm very much satisfied going through the chapters.
Plot: (27/30)
So, I'm reluctant on how to grade the plot and the story's descriptiveness. These two things are different but at the same time, the connection between the two is what creates a realistic scenes, and it is when authors are also able to convey the messages through the story without having any loop holes throughout the journey of conveying the message.
For the plot, it is something that I would totally dive into, seeing as the originality of the plot (with Sehun being a gifted person, Luhan's dream and the big conspiracy), there are so many things that one could depict from the storyline itself. There are also a few added interesting elements in the story such as the story of Sehun's customers (relationships between Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol) and the appearance of Jongin or Kai who becomes Sehun's friend. I find it different, reading the other end of the story where we could know more about Sehun's clients and their growing love story and the misunderstandings that they have. There might be readers out there who would look at these clients as something of a distraction towards the actual story and some extras to gain more attentions but I do see them as something refreshing for the story itself.
Furthermore, the plot twist with a conspiracy between two companies heightening the real tension between Sehun and Luhan. But as mentioned by one of your reviewers before, it actually feels impossible, seeing a marriage contract between two males, and Sehun doesn't seem to mind much about it, except for that he would be married to a person he has been bickering with and the whole idea of his sister dying and him being a replacement that took a toll on his body, making him throw up. I would like to think that this is done somewhere in the future, where such marriages are approved and people would do anything (even if they're from the high class stature) for money but you still do have to mentioned of how it had happened, the whole marriage and the plans the Lu had.
But overall, seeing that this story comes from you, (since I've read one of your work), I expected this much from you. Prediction of Destiny has a very good story plot, the twists in the story that create connection between each of the characters pull my attention even more.
Characterization: (8/10)
For my first impression towards the characters, the differences between each one of them are what that had pulled me more into the story, especially with the appearance of Jongin and Luhan's untold past. I would elaborate more beginning with the two main characters.
Sehun is the gifted male and with the magic in his hand, he could meet the infamous Luhan, later on being able to meet with Jongin or Kai who tells him about his hidden past, something that he didn't even know exist, his existence beyond his so called home that he inherited from his grandfather. This actually goes really well but from what I have picked up from the story, pieces by pieces, Sehun is seen to be a very arrogant one (even if he doesn't show it), the way he talked to other people, quiet and uninterested but, the real problem comes when he feels something, pity, for Luhan. I'm not pointing out that humans are supposed to stay in their confinements but the real deal of it is that they have just barely met and Sehun's heart started to feel something towards the older male - even if it is pity - it is a little bit distrusting because Sehun doesn't like to meddle with others and that is why he barely have friends (except for Jongin). Later on, he tried to push Luhan away from coming over again and again, it is a bit off but it doesn't really disturb the whole Sehun in this. For that one part, I find the words portraying the scene don't suit.
Chapter: Odd Request
It was out of the normal things Sehun did. Before, the thought of meddling in other people's business never crossed his mind. But why does he felt like the blonde male slowly changed him into someone who cares?
But Sehun is actually growing, from only thinking about his survival, he is actually thinking about his hidden past, the secret that everyone has hide away from him, and maybe soon, he would extract revenge towards those when the dark secret surfaces with the help of Jongin.
On the other hand, let's talk about Luhan. Most of your characters are actually the stereotype of cliches characters; damsel in distress, mary sue or gary stu, typical nerd who is actually a very rich guy or girl, a heir who is so arrogant, selfish, and free spirited at that but his character is fixed, which throughout the ongoing chapters, there had been not once something in him stir, maybe regrets, worries or any secrets that might show changes in him because if the characters are too fixed, they are going to be flat when the story gets to the end. It is true that development in the characters should go along with the flow but as a reviewer and only being able to review only to the 12th chapter, I could not grade the characters well because of what I have seen so far, there is no development (maybe with the plot, the plot gradually develops) but nothing has changed inside of the character himself. Unfortunately, when I go through a few scenarios in my mind to see whether Luhan will open up more but I could only see his character flat going through those scenarios but I hope you have something in mind to bring Luhan's character to shine and to grow in the future chapters.
Besides the two heroes, the clients' characters are very charming, despite that, there are a few things I would like to point out regarding the friendships between the three trios: Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol. Truthfully, the three of them are very interesting, creating other alternatives to bring the story out more (or maybe even becoming the future plot twist for Sehun and Luhan) but I have to admit that the friendship sounded off from Baekhyun's perspective because yes, wouldn't he feel any hatred or sadness being around the two, especially towards Kyungsoo? Maybe to have the intention to ask Kyungsoo about it, to leave Chanyeol. Jealousy builds up and when it does, one would loathe it when it gets burdening and anyone involved might be pushed away, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol. Baekhyun is portrayed to be this good guy, who fights when needed (Chanyeol and him getting into fights because of Kyungsoo) but as I've pointed out, wouldn't Baekhyun wish for the worst for the two lovebirds relationship even if they're friends? It might have not been the case, yet I would like to see the development, maybe an enrage Baekhyun.
The appearance of Jongin actually moves the story forward, developing from the only small encounters between the two heroes into a big conspiracy but I do hope that Jongin could be seen in a better, bigger light and not just the man of nowhere who comes to tell everyone that the world is going to end. No, I would like to see the side of his story, why he decides to help Sehun, how he met Kyungsoo, the actual and more elaborated reason why he decided to wear the glasses, and maybe a budding love for Sehun, because sekai. A good advice, make the minor characters think that the actual story is about them and so that means, show the real them just like the actual main characters but stay focused on the actual plot so it will still be developed (and I think you're going well with this). Take time in portraying the characters and actually letting them to have their own voices.
Update: Jongdae is a new appearance towards the story and I barely know him except for the male to not believe in love and is the roommate of Luhan. As I have mentioned before, you're going great with the characters' development (except for Luhan since I couldn't see it in him) so, I would like to see more from Jongdae side and his story to actually fully grade him.
Content Description (8/10)
I have to down grade for this section and the reason is that even if the characterization is almost perfect, the plot is interesting but (ongoing) the story has 12th chapter, and it is supposed to show the breaking point, even if it is a little exposure towards the secret hidden, the hints that could actually make the readers foresee of what is about to happen. Now, the part where the clients' sides stories are brilliant but do keep in mind not to stir away from the actual plot. I would think that it might had been the slight revelation and small exposures that appeared in the story and throughout the story (after Jongin’s appearance), it seemed that you keep reminding the readers about the conspiracy but you didn’t try to reveal more about the conspiracy itself, of what had happened in the past.
I have to down grade for this section and the reason is that even if the characterization is almost perfect, the plot is interesting but (ongoing) the story has 12th chapter, and it is supposed to show the breaking point, even if it is a little exposure towards the secret hidden, the hints that could actually make the readers foresee of what is about to happen. Now, the part where the clients' sides stories are brilliant but do keep in mind not to stir away from the actual plot. I would think that it might had been the slight revelation and small exposures that appeared in the story and throughout the story (after Jongin’s appearance), it seemed that you keep reminding the readers about the conspiracy but you didn’t try to reveal more about the conspiracy itself, of what had happened in the past.
Flow: (3/5)
Due to what I've pointed out from the description/descriptiveness of the story, the characterization and the story plot, overall, the story flow is consistent but a few points off because a few scenes where the hints could be told, the whole idea of the marriage, Sehun's thought about the story of his family coming from Jongin should have been developed more with the thoughts coming from Sehun and others. Luhan revealing Sehun's past is a bit sudden because before that he came crashing at Sehun's place, started to poke the younger male and then, he started talking about how Sehun was an heir to a big company and so on. You might have to trim the edges of a few scenes so that everything is all rounded up.
Due to what I've pointed out from the description/descriptiveness of the story, the characterization and the story plot, overall, the story flow is consistent but a few points off because a few scenes where the hints could be told, the whole idea of the marriage, Sehun's thought about the story of his family coming from Jongin should have been developed more with the thoughts coming from Sehun and others. Luhan revealing Sehun's past is a bit sudden because before that he came crashing at Sehun's place, started to poke the younger male and then, he started talking about how Sehun was an heir to a big company and so on. You might have to trim the edges of a few scenes so that everything is all rounded up.
Grammar: (6/10)
I would like to point out the same thing from the previous review, Eight, that the ones I have found are the mixed up tenses and plural/singular forms. I do make them sometimes, whenever I'm writing but I encourage for you to edit them multiply times and reread through them carefully before uploading the chapters but I'm not a picky reader and reviewer, in fact I was going through the whole story accordingly and didn't mind much about the tenses. If it's too much to you, to go through them again and again, I would recommend for someone close to you (friends with the same knowledge about grammar or someone who is better at them to read through) or get a service for beta reading but I do reccommend for you to go through them alone a day after you had wrote them. After a good rest (for your mind), you would be able to clearly detect errors and mistakes while going through them before uploading the chapter.
Taste of the Story: (10/10)
I really did enjoy reading this story, it was a refreshing change from the highly romance based I usually read and I appreciate the sweetness involved in the brotherly (bickering) love and friendship between the characters. Furthermore I loved the mix of the clients' side stories and the connections that they had with the actual main characters really create a great impression on me.
I really did enjoy reading this story, it was a refreshing change from the highly romance based I usually read and I appreciate the sweetness involved in the brotherly (bickering) love and friendship between the characters. Furthermore I loved the mix of the clients' side stories and the connections that they had with the actual main characters really create a great impression on me.
This story is definitely a good read for someone who enjoys a bit of angst, anguish, revenge love stories (I do) as it succeeds in breaking down bit of pieces of the story which would pull more readers in. I think that with slightly stronger organization and flow I would definitely give this story a 95 and above for the total score. (But as I noted able, the organization and scenes that are not given more elaboration caused me to get distracted from the beauty of your story at certain points.)
Final note, this story could be a whole favorite classic for such stories with familiar theme: revenge, and if the pointed ones are taken into consideration and corrected by the author itself, I would like to review this story once more and by then, I hope you're known for the amazing stories that I've read so far. You deserve it.
TOTAL: (86/100)
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