Against The Time
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reviewed by LynnLaura
the request.
AUTHOR » Angel110
STORY status » Completed
type of request » Standard
chapters reviewed » 1
genres » supernatural, angst
description » ZiTao is different from other people and the point that makes him different is interesting to a group of people he doesn't knw of. Nor does he know why this is so interesting for them to hunt him down, to even threaten to kill him. ZiTao has twenty-four hours left of his young life.
Will his savior show up in time?
" No matter how people may belittle me, it can't be worse than me belittling myself."
" I've gained more strength and I've learned what it means to never give up. "
title (6)
appeal » 2/2
correlation » 2/2
CLARITY » 2/2
Against the Time is unique and appealing to the readers, it was fully related to the storyline, something like when Tao has to run from his enemies and he have to do it fast or he will die (which he did and it was quite sad to be honest), so there you go! Full marks even though I am not a big fan of , it was interesting to me and it wasn't quite as bad as I thought.
graphics (3)
APPEAL OF THE poster » 1/2
correlation to the story » 1/2
suitability of the vibe from the graphics » 1/2
Okay, is not as appealing as I thought it will be and the correlation to the story was a bit...If you can add some more objects to the poster, it won't like as plain and it will be more or less related to the story (if you add stuffs like guns maybe?) I didn't think it would suit the story much because like I mentioned, it was plain.
description and foreword (8)
APPEAL of the description » 3/4
appropriateness of the description » 4/4
organisation of description and foreword » 1/2
It was good of you to write sentences that will make the readers curious but I think it should be a little more organize. Maybe you do not need the first two sentences, to me, that will be much better. I personally thinks that you had reveal too much information. Perhaps you can write something like this : ZiTao has only 24 hours of his young life, will his savior turn up in time?
story layout (4)
consistency of font, font size and divisions » 3/3
overall appeal and organisation of chapters » 1/2
I love that you kept your font, font size the same throughout the whole story making it neat and tidy, however, I think you could have put a more appealing fonts. Also, for every new dialogue, there is suppose to be a new paragraph.
PLOT (22)
APPEAL OF the base storyline » 10/10
the effect of events » 5/10
development of plot » 7/10
It was appealing all right, with your storyline and all, however, the description of you writing that they were in a fight (literally) was vague, to me, it was more of telling than showing. Maybe you can read more about how to write a descriptive story etc...(Providing more details to the scene / part you are writing).
characterisation (7)
development of characters » 2/5
character influence on the story » 5/5
First of all, I think you could have added more of how ZiTao is back in high school when he was still popular, then gradually develop to how his feelings / his character changed when he found out he was special. (Okay, so maybe this may caused you to write a two-shot / chaptered story but this is how I feel)
content description (N/A)
quantity » N/A/5
quality » N/A/5
N/A
flow (3)
3/5
As for the development, I was hoping you could write about when Kris is teaching ZiTao how to fight / telling him the plan. But other than that, the pace was good.
grammar (7)
punctuation » 4/4
spelling » 1/2
vocabulary » 1/2
tense collisions » 1/2
Your sentence structure is understandable but there are a few errors, for example, after using lots of commas and when you want to end a sentence, you should use 'and'. Also, 'of' the whole school sounds weird to me, maybe 'in' the whole school would be much better. You tend to switch from present to past, past to present, that is of course the mistake that almost everyone of us made while writing, including me. Your vocabulary are all quite simple, perhaps you can look up the dictionary and find better words to replace it. As for spelling errors, the first error was in the description, you spelled, 'know' as 'knw', maybe you have been typing using your phone or you just typed too fast.
ZiTao is every girl's and boy’s dream: tall, muscular, very handsome.
ZiTao is every girl's and boy's dream : tall, muscular and very handsome
In high school, he was the one with the most love letters of the whole school
Back in high school, he was the one receiving the most love letters in the whole school.
Just a few days ago, the tall male Chinese origin has fled to South Korea to seek 'Asly' which he got granted quickly
Just a few days ago, the tall make Chinese origin had fled to South Korea to seek, 'Asly', which he had been granted immediately.
For some reason the South Korean government knows about him and his abilities and as the meeting he has had with them, they have whispered a lot near him, most probably about him.
For some reason, the South Korean government know about him and his abilities. During the meetings ZiTao had with them, they had been whispering quietly to each other, most probably about him.
They are of course, few other errors. I hope you can correct them:)
taste of story (11)
personal enjoyment of plot and characters » 8/10
influence of flow and grammar » 2/5
length of your story » 1/3
Sometimes, your grammar makes it difficult for me to understand what you are trying to say but overall, it was fine. Perhaps I did not enjoy the story because of the way how short it was and non-descriptive. However, even though this is my first time reading a story and surprisingly, I find myself enjoying it despite the errors made.
total score (71)
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