3 Years Back In TIme
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3 years back in time
Kim Hana was enjoying absolute bliss as she was about to marry her boyfriend, Byun Baekhyun , but her perfect life is shattered when Baekhyun got killed when trying to save Hana from an accident. At that moment she thought it was the end of her. However she was given a chance by a angel to go back 3 years in time to prevent Baekhyun from meeting her .Will she be able to save him or lose a love of a lifetime?
REVIEWED BY: ft_stars
Title (1/5)
From the moment that I set my eyes on the title, I find it simple and clean which in this case, not a very good one as the story revolves in fantasy and time travelling. I expected something more out of the title (even though I know that it's cliché due to the love triangle between the girl and two male). The title should be twisted, plain heart clenching and gives that cold shiver that runs down your spine. As an example, I'll put '49 Days' in comparison to '3 years back in time'. To write a story involving a time period, twisted plots, '49 Days' sounds more appealing, darker. I watched the drama and had seen the teaser for the drama (which really catches me off guard) with only the title appearing on the screen of my TV. On the other hand, '3 years back in time' doesn't give me that assurance of what I would face within the time period, instead it gives me this thought that the story would fling to other story plot because authors usually go back to the story title to see what they could get out of it and use it in case of writers' block. I had seen so many authors did that in Asianfanfic and I'm afraid this might happen to the story too. It would be wiser to take it in consideration that an improvised title would suit the story more.
Next, the title's length might create a disinterest in readers' view. Today, one-word-titled stories are a hit while long ones need to get some luck to even succeed and be seen as an equal to other stories. In the perspective of a reader, one would hardly look at the story title and check it out if not for the tags that the story is featuring Byun Baekhyun and Luhan from EXO. Furthermore, I was disappointed when I saw the title of the story that had not been capitalized. These days, there are hardly any stories that are capitalized correctly and those that doesn't capitalized at all. The title should be capitalized since it would actually gives in the aura of fantasy, beautiful and elegant. As for now, the story title should be (if capitalized): 3 Years Back in Time. If you're not too sure how to do so, I will link you to a very friendly helper that will help you to capitalize your stories' titles in the future:
Graphics (0/5)
The graphic doesn't actually portray what the story actually revolves in which is an actual turn off since I could only see a love triangle between the three characters in the graphic, not about how the woman time travelled to safe her loved one and Luhan was the one who was the angel who helped her get through the days of escaping reality even if she knew, Byun Baekhyun had died. No, the graphic doesn't portray any sorts of sadness, fantasy and the struggles that the woman went through. The graphic doesn't give off the feelings that the woman has chosen to be the one left behind and she knew that when she succeeded and went back to the actual time, Byun Baekhyun was going to forget about her, married to someone else while she died in the inside. I'm not feeling satisfied with the graphic and I suggest that a new one should be made, textures and characters' poses that could decipher of how the story would go through. It would be better to state what you wanted for the graphic in detailed and to rejected the graphic if it doesn't suit the story that you would like to tell.
Description and Foreword: (5/10)
I could only give in at the fact that the description is neat and clean, however, the description (with no grammar or spelling errors) does not appeal me at all. In fact, the description gives in a lot of the story plot itself and I could decipher what is going on and what would happen in the future. A description is used to attract readers, create a tension or an urge to read the first chapter of the story. Even though the description for the story is quite decent but for someone who seeks pleasure from reading, they wouldn't find the story to be interesting and in my case, the magic of the description doesn't work on me. As you have stated in the foreword, the story is inspired from 49 Days. That gives out a lot of information, ruining the thrill of wanting to know what has been in stored. Readers that watched the drama before could predict and they would lose interest in the story when the plot is similar to the actual drama. Try something else, something that could create waves of unknown, eerie (maybe) and excitement for the description. As an example, I would write a new description based on my idea towards the story (in anyway, it's not an offense towards the writer):
- "And they live happily ever after."
But
If it is such a fragile love, then,
Kim Hana will race against time to wipe Byun Baekhyun out of her life.
"No matter what."
This would be more secretive, dramatic and intriguing. It doesn't give off the actual plot that she would go back three years back, that she would need to stop Byun Baekhyun and her younger self from meeting. This description would ensure that Luhan's appearance to be a secretive one, actually appearing in a more beautiful manner. Even though this description can only work with a new fitting title. Next, I would highly recommend to use the foreword, not just only for the author's notes but to pull the readers more into the story, a scene of what actually happened when she opened her eyes (in the hospital bed, searching for Byun Baekhyun) would work for the foreword. As an example, as the two of them were involved in a fight, the foreword could be used for this:
- Dizzy. Lightheaded. Nauseous. Blurred sight. Byun Baekhyun. I pressed the heels of my palms into the sockets of my eyes, nose scrunching at the sickening smell of air purifier and corrosive floor cleaner. The light could never be so blinding. I could hear giggles and people conversing loudly (animatedly) and in one guess, I turned around, body splitting at the pain coursing through my body. "Turn off the TV, I'm not in the mood to entertain you, Baekhyun." A child was seated beside me, eyes in crescent shaped, head bald and he glanced at me. Heavy breaths and I tried to sit, wandering eyes and I started to call for the male. The beeping sound of the monitor, the ringing in my head and the warmth spreading down my cheeks hit me hard. I knew what could possibly had happened and Byun Baekhyun had to be there for me to say, "Thank God,"
Story Layout: (0/5)
The story layout could be better. The description and foreword had let me down but I thought that the story's chapters would do some justice towards the story and seeing how (grammatically correct) the description is written, I thought that the chapters would be a beautiful flow for reading, with great spacing, nicely written paragraphs and beautiful fonts. Disheartened, I'm sure that there could be more to be done with the story layout. Overall, the layout is quiet messy, chunks of words in a line before another chunks of words followed through. If you opted to stick with the story layout, might try asking for someone to help with the writing or join any writing workshops here in Asianfanfics. You could also ask your past reviewers on one-to-one writing lesson on how to express a story with words and not by mean, just dialogues. Besides that, to express a thought, you could use the Italic and to have a more neat finish to the story, I don't encouraged using different fonts in the chapters. It doesn't look very professional so, it's wiser to stick to a font and expressing a thought, flashback with the Italic.
Plot: (14/30)
Hard to say but the story could do better with improvising, the core of 49 Days should be pulled out from the drama and into the story. The story does have a plot, Kim Hana who wants to save Byun Baekhyun but that is all I could give to you because until (the 14th chapter) now, there is the plot of how she needs to push him away from her younger self. But the story doesn't have a plot twist, reasons are untold and it was confusing of how she ended being in the past, trying to get Byun Baekhyun to stay away from her younger self. Even though the genre of the story is fantasy, one should also work on the real plot, the mystery behind the time traveling and the answers for questions why did all of this happen. The idea that the older Kim Hana who needs to make Byun Baekhyun to fall in love doesn't seem to work here because she is not working for it. Byun Baekhyun himself came forward which is not the real reason of one of her missions. I had hoped for her to be seen as a somewhat creepy girl, trying very hard for Byun Baekhyun to actually look at her. Everything seems to fall in her laps with just a flick of her fingers. I beg to differ. The story should had more twists and the characters are not helping in any sorts of way.
Characterization: (0/10)
I apologize for the marks for this section but the characters in the story are flat and the cameos (or side characters) are there just to be the puppet to make things work for Kim Hana. The story is centered to her but her character is also flat. There is really nothing much that I would say to be positive. As an author, you should consider the fact that even side characters are your characters and you're supposed to treat them like the story itself is about them. There should be more description regarding each and every characters. Characters are supposed to help build up the story but all I could conclude from the characterization in the story is just flat, shallow and nothing. As an example, Kim Hana should be that woman who tried to change destiny, works hard for the magic to work. She is supposed to help the characters surrounding her, as an example, her mother. I can't see any differences in their personality besides Dara who is the typical fan-girl also known as the one and only friend and also known as that weird girl who also gets the handsome guy courtesy to her great friend. General tips, put on more efforts in building the characters, give them emotions, give them different personalities, give them worries and sadness. Give them their lives. I'll give you a link on how to actually write a functioning character to see what you're actually lacking at in writing characters.
Content Description (0/10)
As I have said before, the story lacks description and there's really nothing much could be done except if you decide to improve and try hard in writing. You could start off by describing the clothes that they wear, his height, her facial expressions. There's more that you can describe the characters with. Please pay attention towards few snippets of my own version towards the story and takes in as much as you could to improve. If you need help, please do contact me and I would give a link to a more descriptive writing cheat sheet for you to use in the story.
As I have said before, the story lacks description and there's really nothing much could be done except if you decide to improve and try hard in writing. You could start off by describing the clothes that they wear, his height, her facial expressions. There's more that you can describe the characters with. Please pay attention towards few snippets of my own version towards the story and takes in as much as you could to improve. If you need help, please do contact me and I would give a link to a more descriptive writing cheat sheet for you to use in the story.
Flow: (1/5)
The flow is messy, too fast and without proper description in everything that the characters are doing, you have to opt for a back story for Byun Baekhyun that Kim Hana doesn't know.
The flow is messy, too fast and without proper description in everything that the characters are doing, you have to opt for a back story for Byun Baekhyun that Kim Hana doesn't know.
Grammar: (4/10)
Reading the story took a toll on me, First of all, there were slight grammatical issues in the story but mostly small and spelling errors. To avoid such a careless act to be shown in the story, please be careful while writing or you could request for a beta reading. There are no spaces between the dialogues, in the dialogues and between punctuations. There were few mismatched words in the story as they don't fit in a certain sentence. Something could be done and I suggest that you edit first hand before posting a chapter up. I have also edited the first chapter of the story so that you would be able to see the errors made in the story.
Taste of the Story: (2/10)
I deeply apologize for such low marks. The story took a toll on me, and truly I’m going to be honest with you, I didn’t enjoy this story. I tried very hard to, but I didn’t. You may be disadvantaged by the fact that I'm very strict when I'm reviewing and I would point out every errors and try to find a new alternative to each stories that I'm assigned to. However, past all of that, I just had a hard time staying interested and trying to focus on the plot and actual story instead of the lack of description and grammatical errors. So much could be done with the story and I'm sure that it could actually be a success since you had the plot but without improvement with the way you're telling the stories through words, I had to lean to the other side. Please do try to improve yourself. Writing is not something easy to do and it's not just for a hobby, it's also for an achievement. Contact me if you really want to improve because I hate seeing someone with passion to write dissolves due to the wrong upbringing.
I deeply apologize for such low marks. The story took a toll on me, and truly I’m going to be honest with you, I didn’t enjoy this story. I tried very hard to, but I didn’t. You may be disadvantaged by the fact that I'm very strict when I'm reviewing and I would point out every errors and try to find a new alternative to each stories that I'm assigned to. However, past all of that, I just had a hard time staying interested and trying to focus on the plot and actual story instead of the lack of description and grammatical errors. So much could be done with the story and I'm sure that it could actually be a success since you had the plot but without improvement with the way you're telling the stories through words, I had to lean to the other side. Please do try to improve yourself. Writing is not something easy to do and it's not just for a hobby, it's also for an achievement. Contact me if you really want to improve because I hate seeing someone with passion to write dissolves due to the wrong upbringing.
TOTAL: (27/100)
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