#NowPlaying Big Bang - Loser

I don't know when this all start happening, but I found myself staring at the ground more than the sky. 

Ji Yong was right. The more popular and fame we got, the lonelier we felt. 

The helplessness. 

I was a strong believer of Christianity. I believe in God, I believe that He would guide me through.

But right now, I found out that even if I hold out my hand, no one is here to grab it. 

I'm utterly a loser. 

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"Bae, you're losing yourself. I know in order for our music to touch people's heart, we've to be immersed," Ji Yong reprimanded one day. "But you're trapped, Dong Young Bae. You need to get out."

Yes, we came back after a long 3 years. A long 3 years of doing solo activites was tiring and getting back as five, it comforted me alot. You know, just like those actors and actresses that couldn't seem to get out of their character even after the drama ended, I too, was trapped in our song. 

"Hyung, how do you even get out of those characters that you'd acted in..." I sighed, looking up at the blue skies, cursing them for god knows what reason. 

"You need to seek help. From friends, from family," TOP hyung shrugged his shoulders. "I drank so much during the period of Commitment. So much that I thought I was turning alcoholic." 

"Hyung, for you, I think you need to get back to God," Daesung offered his suggestion. "Remember how you were with me when I was during my darkest period? I can see you're devoted to God. Go back there, seek for his help. Seek for peace and tranquility." 

Church. 

"Can I really go back?" I sighed. "I felt like I've way too much sins..." 

"There's never too much sins that God can't forgive, hyung," Daesung patted my shoulders and gave me an encouraging smile. 

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So here I am. 

"Dear God, help me... I'm at a lost now, I don't know what to do..." 

I knelt down and prayed sincerely. I went during the time where no one else should be there. I didn't want people to recognise me, I just want some peace to talk with God, to reconnect with him. 

"God is listening to you. He'll be guiding you, so don't fret Young Bae oppa..." 

I turned around to the sound but I couldn't make out who the figure was because the sun ray was too blinding. She was wearing a dress and her long, straight hair was swaying along in the breeze. She was like an angel descended in heaven... I stood up, wanting to make clear who the girl was but before that, she had walked away. 

It was like a dream. It was so magical-like that I thought I was fascinating. 

All of a sudden, my heart was feeling at peace once again. 

I was able to smile.

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