#NowPlaying Taeyeon - If 

If I were to go

If I were to get close to you

What would you think?

I don't have the courage

"Yuri unnie! Happy birthday~" I ran forward, giving her a hug.

"Aww, thank you!~ Enjoy yourself alrights!"

I could see you from the corner of my eyes - you were staring at her, not me. 

I wanted to walk to you, to start a conversation, to get you to talk to me.

But... I didn't have the courage to do so. What if you decided to ignore me, or to give me a cold shoulder? Or even worst, you would start talking about how nice she is.

Do you remember that time? That time when you came out from nowhere, pulling me away from him...

We were at the backstage of the concert when he tried to pull me out of the concert venue as I struggled.

"Oppa! L-Let go! You are hurting me! I shouted as he tried to pull me away.

He halted his footsteps, slowy letting go of my wrist.

He. Jung Yonghwa. He was once my on-screen couple. 

"Why are you always avoiding me? Don't you love me anymore?"

"O-Oppa, I-I don't have that kind of feelings for you." I tried to explain." I have always seen you as my brother, a very close brother."

"LIES! I don't believe you! I am sure you have feelings for me!" There, he started again, holding on to my wrist, pulling me away.

"O-Oppa! What are you d-doing!" I was afraid, afraid of what he was going to do to me.

"YAH! LET HER GO!" Then, a shout came. 

It was you, pulling me away from him, keeping me close to you. 

"Who are you to tell me what to do? It's none of your business!" 

"It becomes my business when she's hurt," You don't know how thankful I was when I saw you. 

That sentence, it's still clearly ringing on my head.

I am hurt now, will you please come to me like what you did?

"Oppa," I spoke up, "Where have the Yonghwa oppa that I used to know gone to? Now, I don't even regconise you..."

"Just go away, leave her alone," You too, spoke up for me.

"Seohyun ah.. We will talk next time alright? When you are feeling better..."

"Just go" Tears started to stream down my face. I had never imagine myself telling him to go away.

Tears just keep falling down as I crumbled down on a seat. 

"Are you alright?" Your voice rang so loudly in the silent hall way.

"Y-Yeah.. Just give me some time, I w-would be fine" But the words was just contradicting my actions. I was crying even harder after that sentence.

You didn't say anything. You just pulled me into your embrace, letting me cry on your chest. It was really comfortable. Unknowingly, my arms were wrapping around your waist. 

I still remember that feeling, it was so nice. That was the day when I realise that I have feelings for you, but you don't seem to feel that way. You are treating me as your sister, a younger sister. 

Just like how I feel towards Yonghwa oppa.

If I were to go

If you were to leave

I don't know how to send you away

It keeps hanging on my mind

If I were to let you go, to not let myself to think about you. Wanting you to notice that I wasn't my usual self.

I did it last week.

"Seohyun ah, are you alright?" Yoona unnie came forward, touching my forehead.

"I-I am just.. a little tired and lethargic..."

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