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Red Skys and Royal CardsIt wouldn’t go away. The whispered words wouldn’t stop echoing in my head effectively driving me insane. The voice to low for me to make out who it was but the message was enough to have me shut down. I couldn’t even begin to know how to deal with what I heard. Couldn’t even begin to understand why out of everything I had to hear it was that.
Couldn’t figure out what I felt towards hearing those words.
I was numb when I thought of those words. I didn’t know what I should feel. Should I be happy? Upset? Confused? Sad? What should I feel? I probably wasn’t even supposed to hear those four words, yet I did. I heard them like a whisper in the wind, a thought that wasn’t supposed to be heard.
I don’t even know who said those four words! And that was what was bothering me the most right now. I don’t even have the slightest clue as to whom those words came from, so how am I supposed to start to deal with it. Maybe if I knew who said the words I might know what to feel, what to do about it, but I don’t have that. Al I have is the constant echo of the words in my head.
I shut my Ability off; I wouldn’t go near it. I wasn’t scared of it or anything; I was more hesitant on what I might hear next. I don’t want it to seem like I invaded their privacy, but since I did manage to hear it they had to have been projecting it.
Another thing I was sure of about that voice was that it had to have come from one of my Warriors. There couldn’t be anyone else that it could have come from; Luhan was blocking everything out so he must not have blocked the other elven boys because they were doing a great job of blocking themselves.
They obviously didn’t do a good job because I still heard it.
I turned my Ability off an hour ago and an still sitting on the grass unmoving as I stare up at the stage. I wasn’t going to cut the day early for the boys since they seemed to be having fun just because I heard something I wasn’t supposed to hear. My Ability – every Ability – has it’s draw backs and I was just starting to learn some of mine.
I don’t care that this is the rarest and most powerful Ability out there. I don’t care, I really don’t. It’s an Ability that has drawbacks and limitations; it’s no different from any other Ability that a Dealer can get. Only difference is that it’s the third time this particular Ability has ever been known to manifest. I hadn’t thought of what these drawbacks might be before this. I hadn’t thought about what having this Ability meant in the long run.
I was starting to see it now. I was starting to see what this Ability really meant to have. This Ability wasn’t just about power and control. It wasn’t something special. It was a curse. This Ability is a curse to anyone who possesses it.
No matter how much power I get or how much control over said power I have this Ability will forever be my curse. I can learn to control each one of the boys Specialties as much as I want, but that doesn’t change the act that there will be things I will never be able to stop.
I couldn’t stop myself from hearing those four that I wasn’t meant to hear. I can’t stop myself form listening to things that are not meant for my ears to hear. I can’t predict what using my Ability will do to affect something in the future. I don’t know what I could harm in the long run.
“I love you Sky.” Came the echo thought my head again. It just wouldn’t stop and all it brought with it were more questions.
I knew it was one of the boys, who I didn’t know, and that was what frustrated me the most. I can’t say what I feel knowing that one of them might love me. I don’t know how I might feel if I knew who it is that loves me. I don’t even know if I myself love them any more than as friends or family.
I care for them, all of them, but to say I love them I’m not sure of. I want them to be safe, to enjoy their lives with me. I want them to be happy, but does that mean I love them? I would do anything for them to be happy, I don’t care what happens to me so long as they keep those smiles on their faces. Does that mean I love them?
What is love?
We say we love our families, but why do we love them? We are related to them, we care about them, we live with them. But how do we know we love them? People tell me that when I find the guy I’m going to marry that I will love him. Is that love different then the love I have for my family? It has to be right? I will care about him, and want him to be happy, but I’m not related to him and I haven’t lived with him my whole life, so then what is the love I will have for him?
People confuse love with lust. So is it lust I will feel towards the man I’m to be with for the rest of my life? What is love? Does anyone have an answer to this question? I’m going to be with these twelve boys until the day I die or until they leave me so will the feelings of care towards them grow into love?
Does love even exist?
I can’t focus on these feelings. I can’t focus on these thoughts. I know I care for them and that is all I know. I can’t say I feel something for them if I don’t know what it means to me.
Whoever said those words must have put thoughts behind them before they thought of something like that. They have to know what love means to them, but I don’t so I can’t say I love them back. Not yet at least, not when I don’t know what love is to me.
But I will never turn them away saying I don’t love them. I care for them, and I’m sure that I can learn to find out what love is to me. I won
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