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Red Skys and Royal CardsThey still stood in front of me. They still looked at me with fear and uncertainty. They looked at me with sad eyes hoping I wouldn’t push them away, they watched me like I was going to make them leave. And none of their looks were as sad as Kai’s was. While most looked sad and lost, Kai was close to tears. Water filling his eyes.
And he wasn’t the only one close to tears right now. I must have spent close to a half hour sitting on my bed and thinking about this. I have shut myself out of the world and didn’t even notice as time went by – not that time was actually moving thanks to Tao.
All except for Kris had tears swimming in their eyes as they watched me, all of them were breaking down slowly and I hated it. I didn’t want them to be like this, I didn’t hate them, I didn’t fear them so I don’t want them to think that I do. I don’t want them to think I hate them now.
How was a supposed to tell them that I didn’t hate them? How did I tell them I wasn’t afraid of them? How did I tell them I was sorry? How did I tell them that I care for them? How do I show them I still want them here with me?
So many things I have to get around to be able to regain some of the trust I just lost with my previous actions. I have to reassure them that I am not going to run away.; that I don’t want them to run away from me. I don’t want them to look so sad; it breaks my heart that I have to see them like this.
The longer I sit on this bed and stare at them the worse they seem to get. I can feel my own tears forming as I watching the heartbreaking scene in front of me. I can’t help but feel powerless as I watch them with very little ideas about what to do. All I wanted to do was make them smile again; make them forget the fear I showed them. I want to make things right with them again.
I want to feel them close to me again; I want them around me not far away where they are standing. I want to be beside them and sitting here on the bed is not helping me one bit with that. And nothing was going to change unless I did something about it and that was exactly what I was going to do.
I wasn’t going to sit around and let them hurt inside any longer. I wasn’t going to stay here when I could do something to cheer them up. I wasn’t going t let any more tears spill over this. I was not going to let any of us cry over something that really isn’t that bad, that scary. Tears are meant for something much worse than this, and now wasn’t the time to let them flow.
Sehun was the closest to me, he was standing right in front of me and his face showed every one of his feelings. He was the one that I could get to the fastest, the easiest and I didn’t look past that fact.
It took no more than two seconds for me to get up off of the bed and away from the safety zone I didn’t want or need anymore. Two seconds for me to move and have Sehun enveloped in my arms as I tried to calm the two of us down. Two seconds to have every boy in the room looking at us in shock. Two seconds for their tears to fall.
I never really wanted to think to hard about how to comfort them, the more I think the more it doesn’t feel sincere. I was going to act on instinct on how to comfort someone, because I don’t really know how when it boils down to it. I stayed with Sehun for a few minutes before gently pushing him away and whipping his tears off his cheek before moving to the boy beside him and holding him together just as I had done with Sehun.
I went around to all of them, each one I held close to me and let their tears soak through the shirt I was wearing. They held me like I would run away or break in a single moment. They held me tightly but gently as if scared I would disappear, but I wasn’t going to go anywhere – not any time soon.
I held each of them; I let them release all the feelings that had built up in them, the feelings I caused by my careless actions towards them. I held them like they might break on me, I held them as if they would fall apart if I let them go. I held them like they were the most precious things in the world – and to me, they were.
I was now standing in front of Kris, the last of the twelve. The only one that held a black face and no tears behind his eyes, the only one that didn’t seem to care about this. But I knew that was a lie. I knew he was only hiding what he was really feeling and he wasn’t going to let it out into the open and I wasn’t going to pry at what it was. If he wants to keep it o himself then he can, it’s his choice after all.
“Are you not scared of us? Mad at us for not telling you?” Suho hesitantly asked as Kris and I stared back at each other.
I pulled my gaze away from Kris at the so
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