title, n o n a m e 2

>> vmin. angst. caps. 679w. tw: depression, light mention of suicide, panic attacks, light homicide mention. a.n: piece of i just finished based on the two panic attacks i had, back-to-back, a few moments ago bc i saw four school busses in a row. not proof-read.

Taehyung waits for the day Jimin leaves him. Taehyung waits for the day when Jimin gets sick of him and how weak he is. Jimin says he loves Taehyung, he says he'll never leave Taehyung, but there's always a nagging feeling gnawing at Taehyung's mind that maybe there will be a day when he becomes too much. When the panic attacks he has from simply seeing a school bus, or even hearing the word 'school' become too much. When the fear that grips Taehyung so tight, Jimin has to hold him for hours and whisper into his hair, from the thought of going outside becomes too much. When the violent cries he has in the middle of the night because things are moving, Jimin, things are ing moving and telling me to shove a knife down your throat, and I can't stand it become too much.

But Jimin always says no, it'll never be too much, Taehyung, I love you and I'm not going anywhere. Jimin always wraps his arms around Taehyung gently because Taehyung is delicate and fragile, and simply hugging him too tight (or hugging him at all, depending) can set him off after he's had an attack. Jimin always presses a kiss to the top of Taehyung's head and flashes him one of his breathtakingly gorgeous smiles that manage to calm the uneasy flutter in Taehyung's stomach from lashing emotions and hallucinations.

And it's practically the hundredth time Jimin has had to calm Taehyung down when the familiar flash of disgusting yellow went by, but Jimin is still patient. Jimin doesn't act negatively in anyway when Taehyung starts shaking, simply curls an arm around his shoulders and pressing his lips to the side of his head. Taehyung squeezes his eyes shut, body jerking slightly as his breaths become short and sharp. Jimin presses a hand to Taehyung's chest. "Tae.. slow down your breathing, baby, you can get through this."

Taehyung whimpers and sobs, hands clutching desperately at Jimin's shirt and tugging. "Yoon-Yoongi-h-hyung-"

"Don't worry about Yoongi-hyung," Jimin whispers, pressing Taehyung's head to his chest to let Taehyung listen to his heartbeat and each intake of breath. "I'll call him later and reschedule. For now, let's just get you relaxed, okay? Focus on my voice and my heartbeat, Tae. We've done this hundreds of times, you can do this. Breathe slowly, breathe deeply. You're okay."

It works, like it always does. Jimin always knew how to calm Taehyung, even when he's at his worst, curled into a tight ball and screaming at everyone to get away, and crying until his whole face is red, and wishing he could just die or pass out. Taehyung looks like a souless doll now, laying limp in Jimin's hold and staring at the blank wall across from them. Jimin hums Taehyung's new favorite song into his ear, rocking them back and forth. "You're okay, right, Tae?"

Taehyung's eyelids flutter and his bottom jaw moves down, but his lips don't part. He stares at the wall for a few more seconds before finally parting his lips. "Yeah."

And he starts to wonder when Jimin is going to leave him again. He thinks about what will happen to him when (if, the nicer part of him corrects) Jimin leaves; he'll have no one to calm him, no one that cares about him, no one to get him rooted to the ground. He'll become a mess that's too fragile to be touched, so he'll also become even more lonely. He'll become a ball of depression (with all symptoms) and anger. He'll... probably stop breathing by his own hands one day if Jimin left. But Jimin's still here; Jimin's still holding onto him, still kissing the top of his head waiting for the signal that he can kiss Taehyung on the lips, still whispering how much he loves Taehyung and how proud of Taehyung he is. And even though Taehyung appreciates it and wishes Jimin could stay by his side forever, he can't help but wonder how soon the day will come when Jimin leaves.