title, f e a r ' s  c l a w s  a r e  d i g g i n g  i n t o  m y  s k i n  t o  r i p  m e  a p a r t  (a n d  y o u ' r e  t h e  o n l y  o n e  w h o  c a n  s a v e  m e)

>> kinda taehyung!cen | vmin // angst // no cap // tw: mental disorders gone in detail | gore detail at some points | please take caution when reading // 1.1k // a.n: im really sorry for all the vmin, it's just that suddenly my hallucinations acted up earlier and i got really shaken up so i wrote vmin to vent kinda, and i ended up writing what i go through up, but tae instead of me and since it's me, it goes into detail and that's why i wish for you guys to take caution before reading ((': the only difference is that i dont cry, but everything else is the same. and i didnt proofread bc i didnt want to read this again, maybe later

they're not real. they're not real. they're not real. it's all in your head. it's not real. they're not real. you're fine. you're not in danger. you're fine. they're not real. it's okay. just calm down. it's all fake. it's not actually there. the voices are just your brain trying to scare you. the things are just your brain trying to scare you. you are okay. they are not real.

taehyung repeats these words in his mind so many times, he's forgotten after ten, but it's not working. there is still voices, clear as can be, but also distant as if someone is speaking six feet away from him and the voices are coming from an old 80s radio. there is still things darting around in the darkness that only get more vivid when he closes his eyes. taehyung would turn on the overhead light or a lamp close to him, but everyone is still sleeping and he's too scared to move from his spot curled up on his bed.

he doesn't know what the voices are saying; they're in korean, he knows the meaning behind each word, he knows what the words mean when put in that order, but it won't process and it's so impossibly nerve-grating. but his irritation is overshadowed by his overwhelming fear of the things moving around the darkness. faces that belong to humans and faces of things from his nightmares and horror movies, blood dripping from the ceiling and painting the walls, multi-coloured lights flickering in random spots of his vision like strobe lights before stopping completely (but taehyung knows better, he knows they'll be back soon), and monsters about to lunge at him, but when he braces himself, they disappear and he's stuck with the voices before it starts all over.

it's the fourth night in a row and taehyung is so tired of this. he's the one that agreed to no medication for the sake of the band, for the sake of their image, but he ing hates dealing with this. it's only this bad because he's never had treatment and he's alone in the dark; when he's alone, everything acts up, but when he's alone and in the dark, everything loses its mind and makes taehyung feel like he's losing his too.

the voices are playing old jazz music and it makes him claw at his scalp, and he doesn't care when he rips out strands of his hair and they fall to onto his bed. he wants it to stop, and he tries to make it, but nothing is listening to him.

but then everything turns quiet and everything stills. taehyung hesitates, chest heaving with pants and his eyes dart around to see if he can spot anything wrong, but everything is fine. taehyung sighs in relief, curling in on himself, back pressed against the wall and arms around his legs.

everything is okay. i'm okay. i am okay. everything is fine. calm down, breathe. it's all ok—

there's a deep, terrifying growl in his ear and that acts as a signal, everything twisting and turning in the darkness just outside of his vision again, sometimes bouncing around in the distance to taunt him before morphing into faces staring straight at him then turning to drops of blood from his hands.

taehyung didn't mean to whimper in fear as loud as he did, slamming a hand around his mouth, but the others are fairly heavy sleepers, so he's not too worried about them waking up (though he wishes someone would). taehyung tries to squeeze his eyes shut, but then his body tenses and his senses curve around an imaginary figure in front of him as if waiting to pounce and his mind is swallowed by thoughts of the thing jumping at him, blades for nails slashing his arms, shark teeth instead of human teeth digging into the side of his face to rip all the skin off, blood everywhere. his eyes immediately snap open and he starts crying, but the hallucinations only take advantage of the blurs at the bottom of his vision to swim in and the fear has threaded so deep into taehyung's bones, he's trembling and whimpering quietly.

he only cries more even though he shouldn't because s are asleep, it's four in the morning, and it's not helping his state, but he's just so scared. every time he blinks, a new frame of a new disgusting creature ripping him apart shows in black and white, so he's trying not to blink now, but his eyes start to sting and he's forced to which makes him cry harder. he got through this yesterday, the day before that, and the day before that, and he's been dealing with this for a long time, so taehyung tries to force himself to calm down and toughen up because this damn sure isn't the first time, but just because it isn't the first time doesn't mean it's not terrifying and traumatizing. it doesn't mean taehyung doesn't have the fleeting thought to carry himself to the bathroom and end it.

"taetae?"

taehyung jumps, head snapping up and his eyes dart around. half of him hopes—prays—that wasn't in his head and the other half wishes it was.

but then dark brown, exhausted eyes meet his own in the darkness and taehyung stops breathing. it really is jimin at the end of his bed staring at him. but why is jimin awake? was taehyung being too loud?

jimin only has to look into taehyung's wide, tear-filled eyes to know what's going on and he smiles. he climbs into the bed, crawling up to taehyung and staring at the younger. he doesn't move forward because sometimes taehyung doesn't want to be touched like this, sometimes taehyung just wants comforting whispers. so he waits for taehyung to move first; and he does. taehyung lunges at jimin, arms going around his neck and burying his face into jimin's chest, head tucked under his chin.

and jimin simply smiles sadly, wrapping his arms around taehyung and holding the younger as he trembles violently against him, whimpering and swallowing his sobs causing him to choke, in sharply and gasping for air for a few seconds before repeating. jimin sits back onto his thighs and taehyung is practically sprawled on his lap, arms around jimin's neck hardly holding him up, but jimin doesn't say anything about it and runs his hands down taehyung's back soothingly.

jimin doesn't say anything only because there's never anything to say, simply listening to taehyung's choked sobs, painful gasps, and whimpers. it breaks jimin's heart to see taehyung like this, but there's nothing he can do about it, so he just holds the younger because that's all he can do; hold taehyung to let him know he's not alone until he calms down enough to go to sleep.