Requester
SHINeeMe08

 
Pairing
(Btob) Sungjae x (Apink) Namjoo


Genres
Angst


Plot
Author's Choice based on song



Author
SMTownR
 

  It's been six months ever since their break-up. Namjoo didn't see it coming because she was too engrossed in studying for her promotion. Most of her sad days, she would drown in his arms for comfort and warmth.
 

His voice would always soothe her. He'd sing her to sleep. She knew no matter what, the safest place was in his arms. But as time passed by, climbing the social ladder made her ambitious day by day while making her forget the people around her and specially herself. She started spending less time with them and more time for her promotions. She started with earning the favours of her higher ups and like that she managed to slowly step up to advantageous promotions. And like that, she ditched the dates with him to attend business dinners or arrange such dinners. She worked in South Korea's richest business company and now she held the title in the Board of Director after working hard to reach that point.
 

Sungjae was her best friend before he became her boyfriend. She had known him when they were in middle school. His goofy nature made him likable instantly and they started dating when they were in university as they attended different high schools. She took the initiative of confessing to him first because he had just broken up with his high school girlfriend, whom he dated for eight months. He didn't accept her immediately and that time Namjoo thought that their friendship would end at that point.  However, after two months, he replied to her, confessing that he had liked her the first time he saw her and when she confessed he had to digest the information and that's why it took him long.
 

And now, until the break up, they had dated for seven years. Sungjae always brought up the topic of marriage which she avoided. She avoided by saying that she wanted the promotion to make everything work. And now, here she was. She had earned the title of director which she thought would make her life meaningful and successful but this all proved her wrong.
 

Namjoo noticed an unfamiliar cover of a book lying on her coffee table. Standing up she walked towards it and grabbed it. 'Sungjae' was written in cursive writing. His familiar letters made her insides melt when she remembered the numerous letters he wrote for her. Though it was old-fashioned, they thought it'd be more memorable than texting through the phone and those letters were the ones that'd remain without being lost.
 

Sungjae was a writer and he had written few books which were commercially successful. She remembered the days when she would stare at him when he worked on his MacBook, but Namjoo preferred when he wore his glasses and typed his manuscripts in a typewriter. She even gifted him an antique typewriter just so she could witness him doing so. And specially, she made him write little poems on a book for herself.
 

She opened the book and found it to be a diary. The diary was dated 2020. Was it right for her to read? Nevertheless she opened the book and found that it was actually addressed to her.
 

"Namjoo-yah, this is for you." She read. The surge of emotions that came over her was overwhelming. Not only was his voice comforting but his words also had a great effect on her.
 

The next words broke her heart as she let tears cascade down her cheeks.

My heart yearns for your eyes
To lay on me
Like always
When my fingers match with the words in my head
Creating a harmony which
Can only be created with you besides me
Your eyes alone
No
Your presence
That brought the best out of me
If I lose you
I will lose my passion
And muse
Because you are the reason for my success
My passion is you
Though
I'm not yours.

Namjoo hugged the book tighter as she started crying loudly this time. This apartment was filled with their memories. They lived together and now living alone was killing her and she missed him terribly.
 

She moved on to the next page as she wanted to know what he felt. Preparing her heart she wiped the tears and read.

My life is incomplete
Your time for me melted down and became shorter like a candle
Another day passed and the candle is melting
You said that you are tired so I let you be
I sigh
I don't know how many times
Another day comes and it becomes a cycle
I'm growing tired
No
Insecure
I don't like this feeling
I don't like how I feel that you are drifting apart
Like I'm not worth your time
Should I let myself go from this torture?

Her heart broke when she realized that she unknowingly had hurt him. She had hurt him to the core. The book fell from her grip as the tears didn't seize. At these kind of times she'd be in the arms of his and he'd sing her songs of comfort and she'll fall asleep in his arms reassured.
 

Initially, she was greedy and therefore when he first broke up it didn't affect her but as days passed by his absence in her life started to become noticeable when piles of stress started hitting her. No! It wasn't those moments! The moments when she felt lonely and insignificant she realized what she lost. She missed him. She missed him terribly. He was the only one who made her really feel alive. She couldn't live without him. But she was the one who pushed him away and when he couldn't tolerate it, he decided to take the sign and leave her.
 

Day by day, missing him, she felt her life turn meaningless. She found herself reminiscing the little moments she spent with him. She always sat in front of his typewriter that she had gifted him. He had left it behind. In fact, he had left many of his things behind and still didn't return back to get his stuff. She hoped he'd come back for them.
 

I don't blame you for leaving. I blame you for staying long enough that it became extremely difficult for me to let you go.
 

She regretted and she knew she would always do so.

Hey, I'm sorry for taking time.
It was hard getting into the angsty feeling.
I decided to write this in the POV of Namjoo.
I hope I did justice to the request. ^.^