CHAPTER 45   LET IT OUT

 

 

Tiffany’s P.O.V.

 

 

Jessica abruptly pulled away from our kiss and immediately got off my car. She ran inside their house as if she was chased by hungry lions.

 

I was surprised with what she did. I wanted to run after her.. to shout her name trying to call her attention.. but instead, I sank lazily on my seat. I stared at the empty road for a moment before I decided to call her.

 

 

First attempt………….. phone ringing….. dead tone….

Second attempt………… phone ringing….. dead tone….

Third attempt……………. phone ringing….. dead tone….

 

 

I let out a deep sigh.

I tried again.

 

 

Fourth attempt……… phone ringing….. dead tone….

Fifth attempt……… phone ringing….. dead tone….

Sixth attempt………… phone ringing….. dead tone….

 

I stared at my phone. My chest rose up and down because of the frustration and growing anger inside of me.

 

Why is she not answering?

Is she evading me?

Was it confusion I saw in her eyes?

Remorse?...

Does she realized that she loved me?...

Or she doesn’t love me anymore?...

Yes.. I want her feeling for me to fade…

But I don’t want to lose her….

 

I rested my head on my arms which were resting on the steering wheel. Then after sighing for a few times, I sat up straight and stared at my phone again.

 

I’m going to call her…

No…

I know she won’t answer…

 

I texted her instead.

 

Message

To : JessiNator

Why won’t you answer my calls? Is there something wrong?

 

What kind of excuse would you give me now?

 

She texted back.

 

Message

From : JessiNator

Sorry Babe. My phone is nearly drained. Do your best at your dance practice. Take care.

 

My phone is nearly drained.. ppffttt! What a lame excuse.

 

Haaaacccchhhuuuuuuu!!!

 

I rubbed by nose after I sneezed. I’m allergic to bull.

Well… she was polite enough to show some concern towards me. I tapped the fingers of my left hand on the steering wheel with my right hand holding the phone.

 

Should I answer?

Would I answer?...

Whatever.

 

After contemplating, I decided to reply and dismiss the discussion.

 

Message

To : JessiNator

Okay. And take your well deserved rest.

 

After I pressed the send button, I immediately turned off my phone and threw it at the backseat. I want to give her enough time.. enough space. I need to fight the urge of pestering her by calling her over and over again… trying to extract answers from her.

 

I glanced at their house and sighed. With a heavy heart, frustrated and confused mind, I stepped on the gas pedal and drove away like a car racer.

 

 

 

“Oh !” I immediately shifted the car to other way. Good thing I have a good reflex. My car almost collided with another car as I entered the highway. Both of our cars were traveling above the speed limit but the other car was rather faster.

 

My car spun twice before coming to a stop. The other car stopped for a while then drove off again… fast. I was numb. I couldn’t feel any emotion. My mind was blank.

 

I punched the steering wheel which made my car honk.

 

Onlookers piled up. I didn’t care. I don’t give a damn. I started the engine again and drove off like nothing happened.

 

 

I arrived at Hugo’s place. Bogart was already there and invented some dance moves for me. Those two were normally goofballs but at the moment our dance practice starts, they become serious and dedicated people.

 

Well.. that’s good. I need to take away myself from some unwanted thoughts. I want to clear my mind. I want to focus on something.

 

“No Stefan! It should be your left foot night your right.” Hugo demonstrated.

“And you should be looking at your left, too.” Bogart seconded.

 

I nodded in response. My eyes were burning in passion to learn. I repeated the dance moves as Bogart counted. I messed up the last step again.

 

“!” I kicked the air.

 

Hugo and Bogart looked at each other with worried faces and immediately stepped closer to me. They both held me. Bogart on my shoulders and Hugo on my arms.

“It’s okay buddy. You did well.” Hugo smiled and fondly rubbed my arms.          

 

“Just take your time… don’t be frustrated. You’ve progress a lot.. you don’t have to be ashamed.” Bogart caressed my shoulders.

“That’s all for now. Let’s continue tomorrow. It’s already past 5pm.” Hugo

 

“The restaurant near the main road has a new menu. I heard it’s great. I think we should give it a try.” Bogart said.

“I don’t feel like eating. You two just go. I’ll drop you there.” I answered nonchalantly.

 

My friends looked at each other again.. now with knowing and understanding expressions. Bogart sighed and smiled then cupped my face.

“Is it about Jessi?.....” She asked with a calm and concerned tone.

 

I nodded lazily with my head bowed down and my eyes on the ground.

Hugo sighed and hugged me from the back. Bogart kissed my forehead and hugged me from the front. Bogart’s head rested on my right shoulder while Hugo’s head rested on my left shoulder.

 

I felt their warmth.. their concern.. their love.

My chest started to move up and down then I started to sob softy. With every passing moment, my sobs became louder.. my shoulders rocked. My eyes became waterfalls of tears. I felt my friends’ hug tightened.

 

 I don’t want to lose her..

I want her to be by my side…

I want to hold her..

To kiss her…

I want to show her how special she is…

She’s my friend…

I don’t love her…

But I don’t want to lose her..

I don’t want to lose her….

 

I was frustrated, confused, angry and hurt. Frustrated because of the situation. Confused of my feelings. Angry at both of us. And hurt by her actions.

 

My sobs became louder and louder. I want to release all these negative feelings inside me. I will not hold back my emotions. I want to throw it all out in the open to free myself.

I’m with my friends.. my friends that knew me.. my friends that saw my vulnerability for several times already.. my friends that I trust my life with.. my friends that would understand.

 

With the thought of losing Jessi… I lost it. I broke down.

 

 

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

 

I let out a loud and painful scream and fell into my knees.  I let out all my emotions on that scream as if my life depended on it. I cried my heart out.

My friends kneeled down also and hugged me tight. I can hear their sobs. They were crying… with me.

 

 

I don’t want to lose Jessi..

I don’t want to lose Jessi…

I don’t want to lose Jessi….

 

 

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A/N: Enough of the drama. No more drama in the next chapter.. so if you want drama....engulf yourselves in this chapter.

        Chocolate malt drink.