I still remember the night Sana unnie confessed at me. She said she like me. We're in Like Ooh Ahh era during that time. I still can remember her face, blushed and her tears visible. I still can feel how my hand really wanted to wipe that tears but I can't do anything now as I only said

"I'm sorry unnie. But, you know we can't be together right?"

I still remember she nodded weakly and still can hear she said

"We still can be friend right? I still can be around you all the time right?"

and I just nodded. Smiling at her, signaling that, yes we still can be friend.

But when I thought she still the same, I can see that she's slowly changed. She spend more time with the rest of the members. Except me. But that only happened when we're off camera. When we had fansign or doing v live, she will be extra clingy with. I don't know why but somehow, my heart feel hurt. It hurt so much when I knew about that accidental kissed between her and Jeongyeon unnie. It hurt so much when she always decided to be with Tzuyu when we had free time. It hurt so much when I saw her hugging Mina unnie and Nayeon unnie. It hurt so much. Is it right for me to feel this way?

Things get worse during Cheer Up era. She kissed me out of the blue. Even only at my cheek. I can still feel her lips lingering around my cheek. I try brush it off but I think I screwed up because up until now, I can't take my eyes off her. My eyes will follow her around. My eyes only see her.

I still remember when I joined Real Men. She cried so hard that night until she can't send me off because her eyes got swollen. I still remember when I get back, she always stick beside me. Not wanting to leave even for a second. I am so happy that time. I am so happy I don't even know why. I am happy cause I can see her again.

This one time, I was busy drying my hair. When suddenly someone came and kissed my neck. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped but when I turn around I saw her. She smile cheekily at me and little that I knew, my heart melt with that very simple action. That's why I suddenly brag out about it during our V app. I was so tired during that day when suddenly she climb beside me and start doing V app. But, to be with her is my priority, I sacrifice my sleep for her. I joined her V app. I fed her food, I let her touch my nose. I let her kiss my cheek. We're having fun although my heart sting so much when I saw her kissed Nayeon unnie and Jihyo unnie.

But, being me. I will never show my emotion. Well, at least that's what I thought.

~

TT promotion day come. I never thought we can be this tired. I personally feel so tired. When the members sleep, I still need to study for my exam. Still have individual schedule. I'm drained. I feel so tired that at last, I fall sick. That night, my body shivering. My voice won't come out. My throat hurt like hell. I can't stop coughing so I decided to stay at the living. I bring my blanket and pillow and I lean back at the couch. I already drank hot water too soothes the itchiness at my throat. But still I can't make it less painful.

"Dubu ya." I turn around and look at the one who call me. I just nod as I can't speak. My voice won't come out.

"Are you okay?" she asked. I nodded. She sit beside me and place her back of her palm at my forehead.

"Omo, you're having a fever. Wait here."

'Sana unnie.' I just can call in my head. She come back with medicine and water. She gave me and asked me to eat which I followed. Then she put a wet towel at my forehead and she asked to lay down. She wrap the blanket around me, and sit beside me. I can clearly see her face look so worried. I can see a glimpse of tears at the edge of hey beautiful eyes. I smile and try to said

"Unnie, I--I'm o--okay." OH MY GOD WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY VOICE.

"Shh, don't said anything okay? It's okay. I'll be here." she said. I grab my phone and typing som