☆*:.｡. ✧{You're Only Mine}✧ .｡.:*☆
Forbidden Dreamers Review Gallery
»You're Only MineReview«
Title (3/5)
The English is wrong and apart from it being a slightly fluffy title it doesn't draw your attention. I am however able to see a relationship to the story; the boys have shown an interest with a tinge of possessiveness.
Foreward/Description (8/10)
Sums up the story nicely without giving too much away. Well done here.
Appearance (3/5)
The front page is beautiful but the rest of the chapters should not have that layout, the font becomes extremely tiny and its hard to scroll, making the read very uncomfortable.
Plot (11/15)
I am giving you a score as such based on what could potentially have been a great story. You need to work a lot harder on your language and planning to bring the story across.
Some misleading content:
- In chapter 5: I don't recall Kai seeing Suzy and L sharing intimate moments
- Also didn't Suzy already announce L's reason for being absent and yet they ask again?
Suzy coming from a broken family; a lot of emotional development for her can be done; L as the childhood friend who has always been there for her. Along comes Kai who shares a history with Suzy as well. All these can potentially make up an intricate plot but your language is bringing it down.
Originality (12/15)
Fact that it's highschool based love triangle its hard to get a highscore but credit given to matured themes of broken family and complex history between characters.
Language (8/20)
Your grammer and tenses face a huge number of mistakes. General expression of story telling needs improvement:
-you mix their speech and thoughts along with actions that makes it very confusing
-you might want to look into paragraphing and layout too
Flow (4/10)
You switch POVs in the middle of the chapter with no warning and that's a huge confusion caused.
I do credit your pace within the story.
Characterization (5/10)
As mentioned earlier, a lot of effort can be put into Suzy's character. Her emotional trauma and you haven't focused on the fact that she doesn't believe in love, instead of being cynical right now she just seems ignorant and (sorry but a little stupid as well) being unaware of the fact that she's physically attractive.
I really don't know why L and Suzy are disliked within the school.
I can't tell if Luhan is interested in her or just being clingy.
Overall Enjoyment (4/10)
A potentially good storyline with nice choice of characters, work needed in writing it out. Also do edit the layout.
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
58/100!
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