»CardinalSinnersReview «

Title 5/5

Your title is quite unique. For me Cardinal is an outstanding words to use for a story like this. We don’t often hear that word, so that makes it stand out. The meaning of the word can also be ‘prime’, I see it fitting in, you know like “The Prime sinners” Pretty much like the main sinners. Cardinal just makes it stand out more. So great job there.

Foreward/Description 8/10

There is something known in this world as the Cardinal Sins. Or, the main sins, the chief of sins. There are seven cardinal sins.

Sin One-   Pride. Having an excessively high opinion of yourself.
Sin Two-   Gluttony. The habit of eating too much.
Sin Three- Avarice. Greed for wealth or gain.
Sin Four-  Anger. The strong feeling of displeasure and hostility. 
Sin Five-  Lust. Strong ual desire.
Sin Six-    Sloth. Extreme laziness. 
Sin Seven- Envy. Which usually turns to jealousy.

These are the seven cardinal sins.

SNR High School is famous for troublemakers. Well, the troublemakers. Is it coincidental? There are seven of them. And each one is the perfect match for each of the cardinal sins.

Five boys. Five, the number of grace and goodness.

They aren't much you gotta admit. But they are the ones to stop sins from spreading. Because, you can't fight fire with fire, you need water. And only this lot can tame these spawns of Satan.

The above is your description without the characters. In the very first paragraph, you mention the cardinal sins. You didn’t have to say cardinal sins again on the last sentence of the first paragraph. You could have reworded to “There are 7 deadly sins”, sometimes when we see the same words over and over, it gets arduous for a reader if the same saying is repeated over and over again. I like your foreward though, it gives a quick glimpse of what may happen in the story. You can tell that these cardinals will not get along too well with those who sent the letter. It left some suspense.

Keep note that in the description you didn’t have to keep adding sin 1, sin 2, sin 3…etc you could have just listed the sins and gave a small description to them. You could have also added the characters that you wanted the sins to match up to, next to the definition. That way you wouldn’t have too much pages if you didn’t want to.

Appearance 3/5

The poster is okay, but i don’t think it fits the story that well. In my opinion the bottom part doesn’t match the top. It gives me a happy mood at the top half with the bright blue skies then in the bottom half its like…trees? A field of some sort that goes with the school? I can’t tell. I also see that you have placed some quotes there, I feel that if you have quotes you should be able to read them, I cant read them. Lol I already have bad eyesight, I even had to squint my eyes more even though I am already squinting. XD, the animation, with that quick vibrate of movement, it makes it hard to read the words too.

Plot 10/15

The plot seems nice. I don’t see much problem here. But I do think you should have more descriptive paragraphs about the characters, you know like how the character is feeling. You already have a lot more conversations but I would like to have a taste of what these boys think of. I’m not sure if that made any sense at all XD.

Originality 15/15

I think that your story is different. I have not come across this kind of plot. But then again I haven’t read much fics lately. I think you are doing great though. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were able to grab more people to subscribe to this story. But then again the story is not done yet so we have to wait and see.

Oh btw with the fun fact about kyungsoo and the squishy club thing or whatever that is dedicated to kyung on chapter 3, it was a bit random and I didn’t understand that. It may confuse readers if they just find that right there.

Language 18/20

It doesn’t seem you make any grammar mistake. None that I see at least. So that’s great because grammar is one of our main thing in a story. Make sure there is no misspelled words and that the sentence actually make sense. But I have to ask you to quote the parts where the boys are thinking to themselves. There are moments when you have them thinking of their opinion I believe but I can’t tell if that is them or the narrator.

Flow 8/10

Your flow seems nice too. Nothing seem like its moving too fast. I don’t have much to say here, you only have a few chapters up so I can’t tell if everything is going too fast.

Characterization 10/10

The characters are well thought out. I really love how you portrayed each one of them. Especially Kai, lol always wanting to have and do something mischievous. They all have their own aurora that gives of “hey I’m different from them”. For Luhan though, I never saw him as a shy guy, it would have been Kyungsoo as the cold hearted and shy boy. But hey you are the author here. Good job though.

Enjoyment: 8/10

The story seems good. It’s just that I was never a big fan of boyxboy fics. Your story seems funny and goofy though. So I think you should keep going because it really is cute and funny. Also forgive me for my lack of words, I haven't been feeling too well, but message me if you have any questions

85/100

Reviewed by: Abie529