Behind The Stage
Forbidden Dreamers Review Gallery
»Behind The Stage Review«
Title (3/5)
This review is done till chapter 4 but I can tell that this is about what happens behind the the lives of these kpop stars but using the term "behind the stage" basically just refers to "backstage" which doesn't fit; a suggestion might be "behind the scenes". Definitely an appropriately themed title and I will credit that.
Foreward/Description (3/10)
The lack in the language aspect made it confusing but I could still make out the summary of the story and the last question does evoke some curiosity amongst readers to read on.
Appearance (3/5)
The poster is decent in the sense that I can feel the glamour but they don't seem much like a couple to me. Also, your fonts change from chapter to chapter which is a negative point.
Plot (8/15)
I will give you a passing mark but there is really nothing for me to judge so new into the story. But I already have quite a few feedback which I hope will prove to be useful to you
-you started off with Hyorin wanting to quit the kpop industry without citing her love life as the reason and it threw me off with her attitude
-the random mention of white swans and black swans also annoyed me for a while there I thought it was a quote from the movie the black swan
-i can sort of understand the introduction of the psycho fan but a chapter on it's on? you could have placed it as a small paragraph at the end of a chapter.
So much room for plot development; how are they going to face the world now that the cat is out of the bag? Tips; plan well and narrate in a more flowy manner. Think about how you would like to read the story out, hopefully that will eliminate the short sentences.
Originality (9/15)
I do enjoy reality-based fictions; ie Hyorin and Chanyeol are members Sistar and EXO as in the way we know them so this is interesting. Do leverage on reality to spice up your story.
Language (5/20)
I'm sorry but I have to be straight-forward here and say that you don't even have the basics.
-Sentence structure; capitalization, punctuation: Sentences should end with a single full stop after which the first word should be capitalized. Words in a sentence should not have capitalization unless it's a name or title etc
-POV: When you mention that the story is in Chanyeol's POV...everything should be in "I..." instead of "He..."; which is third POV.
-Your sentences are abrupt which is mostly due to your lack in vocabulary and flow in language
-Also note tenses; past and present and watch your -ing.
-Lee Soo Man (note the capitalization) is a HE not a HER.
Flow (3/10)
I have to penalize you here; there was no flow in your writing and events.
Characterization (4/10)
As mentioned above, I couldn't understand Hyorin's take on career vs love life and Chanyeol's as well even though I can sense that he would like to announce their relationship to the world. The discussion in chapter 2 was almost non-existent; a single sentence before they started kissing.
I couldn't quite understand Dasom here too, a bossy maknae?
Overall Enjoyment (3/10)
As mentioned above, it is very early into the story to determine much so hwaiting for the rest of the story; maybe getting a beta reader might help improve your language.
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
41/100!
Comments