»Chasing PavementsReview «

Title 3/5

So okay, the title is a little plain and boring. When I read the title…I’m literally thinking of someone running and chasing the ground. Not trying to sound like a jerk but I’m being real here with you. I find it a boring.

Foreward/Description 8/10

Your foreward and description are good, they are just perfect. It was little bland but its good. Just please don’t repeat the same words over and over again. Like the pavements part.

Appearance 3/5

Your poster is alright, but I feel that it doesn’t represent the story well.

Plot 9/15

It’s still too soon to say what the whole story about. But I’m guessing angel falls for human? There’s many stories that are like this and it isn’t new, in my opinion that is. But you would have to think and ask yourself, “What will make mine different from others?” I also have to add that the whole story is a bit confusing. I can’t quite grasp the story here. The angel/guardian, I was actually lost when you first said something about them in chapter one. I think you should at least give a heads up in the beginning of the chapter like for example…

“Location: Heaven”, could be at the top if you were going to start off with them. I couldn’t tell that it wasn’t the human anymore and that it was the higher being talking. You can put something like that so that people will not be confused when you switch from humans to guardians.

Originality 10/15

Like I said I have seen or heard of stories like these before so it doesn’t surprise much

Language 10/20

You don’t seem like you have a lot of troubles in your grammar but the way you set up the paragraphs are all wrong. It really bothers me that most of your paragraphs...are not paragraphs. They don’t seem like they consist of 5-7 sentences. They would have 3-4 long sentences then you start a new one. Also the fact that you don’t indent the paragraphs and the dialogue is also a big problem. The chapters are also very long, you should break up the chapters.

I may be mistaken because like I previously said you don’t make paragraphs. The image of the story, takes great part in your subscriptions, if you do not correctly word or set the paragraphs correctly, you won’t attract many readers. If you look through all of the well-known fanfics, they all have their story set up nice and neat.

Flow 7/10

It’s alright, I don’t have much trouble with it, but I believe you can make the flow become a bit smoother.

Characterization 8/10

Your characters, I’m fine with them. I think they are all growing well. How you show that the main character loves his father a lot. It struck my heart especially in the beginning with the father scene.

Enjoyment 5/10

I can't really say I enjoyed it because, I really had a hard time reading. If only you have had set up the paragraphs correctly, I may have enjoyed it more. But really you seem like you have a nice story going on here, you should just do some major editing with the sentencing.

63/100

Reviewed by: Abie529