The Transfer Student

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»The Transfer StudentReview«

Story

 

Title (4/5)

Appropriate enough, more creative suggestions might revolve around JongUp's character instead.
 
Foreward/Description (5/10)
 
Does not sound exciting enough. The opening of the story has been following the foreword so far which is rather mundane. You might want to highlight the of your story within the foreword.
 
Appearance (0/5)
 
No points here for lack of poster.
 
Plot (10/15)
 
I'm glad I read the story up till a point where there was some excitement being introduced (chapter 6) because the storyline was getting rather dry.
 
It's not a bad story but it feels like its really just about JongUp surviving another school and we find out if he is able to turn into a good boy or not.
 
Also sometimes there is a differing POV of view within a chapter which makes it slightly abrupt: Chapter starts off with an "I..." before launching into a third POV writing for the rest of the chapter after a few lines.
 
I believe you can and might already have intentions of spicing things up with some twists or , you might want to hint on it in the foreword or opening chapters to keep your readers engaged.
 
Good luck in story development!
 
Originality (12/15)
 
Quite a typical bad boy rebellious kid scenario you need to emphasize on your punchline.
 
Grammer & Spelling (14/20)
 
More effort needed in sentence structure and overall standard of the language.
 
This will enable your readers to have a much smoother and comfortable.
 
However the general idea and meaning of the story is not lost so it's not too bad.
 
Flow (6/10)
 
As mentioned above, more effort put into overall sentence and words to improve this. Also take not of your POV.
 
Characterization (7/10)
 
There was very small background information on JongU; coming from a rich family and being a troublemaker. The question "Why?" has not been answered so far which I feel is essential in the development of your main character. 
 
There is still chance for DaeHyun's to be developed as you just introduced a part of his life (the bullies) which sparks curiosity.
 
Overall Enjoyment (6/10)
 
It's been rather slow and flat so far but not a bad read.
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
64/100!
 
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ThanhXuan #1
Chapter 135: Thanks for the review ♡
Amalya #2
Chapter 134: Thank you for taking the time to review my story oohkatsoo. I didn't mind the wait and getting the additional perspective was a good thing in the end. ;)
I have been warned about the too many characters too quickly thing in a previous review and have yet to try and fix that, but duly noted again. haha As for the capitalization issue, I think I was going for that fairly bizarre context (in English anyway) where you capitalize some of the terms when they refer to very specific named creatures (Namjoon's father as a Titan (Perses in his back story) versus titans as a race). Likewise for chimaera though that one was never meant to be capitalized. The only one I really had an issue with in writing was actually Cyclops and that was because my spell checker kept saying the lowercase spelling was wrong. >.> lol
I will certainly consider adding more descriptions or definitions for some of the harder to grasp terms, such as what a titan actually is, in the future. I was much better about doing that in my Norse mythology story to be honest. lol I'm pretty sure the time crunch to finish it before the deadline made me sloppy here.
The game they played was meant to sort of parallel a crude cross between more modern day football (in the US) as evidenced by the in-story name, which is a fairly barbaric sport to begin with, and the gladiator events of ancient Greece and Rome, which were very barbaric events in which the competitors often died. As for the sudden appearance of the monster, I'm not sure I can actually fix that one, or if I want to at the moment. I'll think it over and see what comes of it, but either way, I do appreciate the review all the same.
It's especially nice to confirm what I am able to do well in the story just as much as it's good to be aware of what can be smoothed out more. So again, thank you for the review. I hope my comment might be able to help explain things a bit more in turn but I shall credit you and the shop immediately. ^_^
aya-ELF #3
Chapter 4: Hi!! I have a question, do you guys only do reviews for completed stories??
libianno #4
Chapter 128: Thank you for the review on Chasing Pavements. I appreciate you straight forward and honest opinions. I will use the pointers you have provided me well :)
funkybastard #5
Chapter 12: Hii, I just start writing and i really want to improve my skill and i like how blunt and forward this review shop is ^^. How do i request from the shop?
thelittleluhan #6
Chapter 113: Thank you for the review! I didn't expect what you gave me, I was honestly thinking it would be a lot worse. I'll definitely keep in mind what you said about Title and Appearance. I did feel the same about the title being less focused on the main character when you mentioned it, so that's definitely something I'll work on. I might see if I can change the title to a more fitting one (but I'm soooo bad at titles >_<). Thank you again for taking the time to review my story. You don't know how much it means to me that you at least enjoyed it ^_^
sorindae_ #7
Chapter 110: This review really hurt my feelings. But it's okay. I know of I have to improve my grammar. Thank you for helping review this story.
ZiahZiah #8
Thank you so much for the review! (honestly, I thought I'd get worse) hahaha I'll change that grammar error soon. I'm so glad you pointed that out. :) by the way, may I ask who my reviewer was? I wanted to credit them in my Foreword! Thank you! :D
-dulcet #9
Chapter 84: Oh thank you for the review. I'll credit you indeed I'll keep your tips in mind. Thank you :)
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