Fix You by pinkblink

Reviewed by: _junmash

Title: (25/25)

- Title of the story: (15/15) [+10]

The title suits the story, short but accurate and precise. It also gives off a dramatic, angst-y feel (for me, that is), I don’t have anything to point out here.

- Title of each chapter: (-/10) (optional)

No titles for each chapter, so I’m going to utilize these ten points for your title for the story, too.

Foreword/Description: (14/15)

I honestly liked it, and pretty sure your readers liked it too. Your description is one-sentenced, yet it summarized your story all in all. But sometimes, angst/psychological stories usually have one or two paragraphs as a description for the readers to have a bit of background.

I also like the concept of putting an excerpt in the foreword, and it made me more excited to read more of the story.

Originality: (34/35)

- Characters: (14/15)

Since Suho is the only major character here, and Subin and Jongin being the minor, I can say your characters aren’t unique, but also aren’t common. The presence of Jongin shows your story’s commonness, the main usually has one or two friends that give him/her a piece of advice. Although this doesn’t really affect the plot, it’s pretty acceptable.

- Plot: (20/20)

I really like psychological stories, so I’m very specific if a story affects my feelings or not. And it depends on the originality of the plot. It doesn’t usually thrill me if it’s common, like schizophrenia, hallucinations, and such. And based from my understandings of the story (and with your help lolol), Junmyeon is suffering depression, therefore causing hallucinations.

I didn’t expect it…at all, and it has a nice twist, like any other psychological stories should be, and I want to give you a compliment for this.

Writing Style: (30/40)

Your writing style is informal, but objective. For me, it suits the story because the main character can be closer to the readers in a narrative way, but still sets a barrier in which the readers won’t get to feel what the main character is feeling, thus leaving the readers sympathizing Suho instead.

Your style also is very direct to the point and minimalistic and it shows very few figurative languages (I only saw like, 2 or 3).

Your diction is very common although I rarely saw repetition of words, which means you have a broad vocabulary. But you need to use different words at different times.

Ex: For an angst or sad fics, it is usually preferred to use darker and complicated-sounding words. But make sure that the way you use the word is accurate and efficient, so the readers won’t get lost with the use of your vocabulary. On the other hand, light or comedic genres tend to use short and direct words.

Your way of writing isn’t distinctive since many writers tend to use this kind of writing style. But since it does not not fit your story (double negative means positive), I still liked it.

Characterization: (17/25)

I was pretty much confused with the characters (I’m so sorry for that), except for Jongin, pretty much. I thought at first that Subin is also a psychiatrist, but it turns out that Junmyeon was just hallucinating about his dead girlfriend that he hasn’t stopped from committing suicide. I honestly liked Junmyeon’s character here, despite the confusion. I love the way he is because I just love him and confused whether he should talk to a psychiatrist or not and how frustrated he is when his girlfriend, Subin, died. Junmyeon’s character is well-defined except for one small part. Why didn’t he help Subin, when it was his job to do so?

But Subin is a bit poorly characterized here, the only thing I know about her is that she committed suicide, she has jet-black hair, and she’s pale. I don’t know why she committed suicide, when she has Junmyeon by her side and I don’t know why she’s depressed, is it because of her family? Is it because she’s mentally challenged from the very beginning? Or is it because of Junmyeon himself?

Conventions (Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation): (20/20)

No problems around here, really. I read your story a few times, but it’s flawless. Even the punctuation is correct. I have nothing to point out. Great job!

Flow/Pacing: (10/30)

The flow is a bit fast for me. One minute Junmyeon met Subin, the next is he saw Subin lying lifelessly on the floor. You didn’t create a time to explain what Subin has been through, both happy and sad experiences, resulting to poor characterization and confusion in the plot (or is it just me that’s confused?).  If you would want, provide a prequel or a sequel of the story to fully explain Subin’s life, Subin and Junmyeon’s relationship and the like.

Presentation (Graphics, Background, Spacing): (10/10)

I love the graphics, and the black background helped a lot in creating the mood for the readers. I don’t really look at graphics that much, but I do request for posters, and sometimes, I base the main mood of the story using the poster, after the title; the story fit the poster. Spacing is nice, it doesn’t look compressed, and it doesn’t look too far from each other too.

Bonus: (up to five plus points)

+4 for using Kim Junmyeon as the main character.

+1 for writing a psychological fic, one of my favored genres.

Suggestions:

Widen your vocabulary even more by reading different genres of novels and reading the dictionary. Apply all the things you’ve read and learned in your fanfictions, it would help. Spend your time more in creating happenings that can explain your characters’ background on how or why he/she is like that, but make sure it’s not too slow that it will make your readers lose their excitement in reading.

Total: 160 + 5 = 165 out of 195

Reviewer's Note: Here it is. Don't forget to credit and and good luck on your contest! :D