Review for: Sub-Prme Extinction

Title (3/5)

I don’t really understand why you used ‘sub-prime’ as a part of your title since there’s a real word (subprime) that has something to do with lending… or did you play with the individual word ‘prime’ and added the prefix ‘sub’?

Foreword/Description (8/10)

The part ‘Byunghyun is one of a small group of survivors’ confused me because it sounds weird. Maybe you meant ‘Byunghyun belonged to a small group of survivors? Nonetheless, foreword is pretty interesting.

Appearance (4/5)

Poster was okay with the sepia style coloring thingie that kind of suits the feel of the story…

Plot (12/15)

At first, your description appealed to me slightly so my expectations rose because I like apocalyptic-themed fanfics. However, I got a bit disappointed with how the story progressed and how some details weren’t exactly elaborated. For example… why did this ‘extinction’ happen? Although there were bit and pieces of events all over the fic, it still counts if you explained it a bit further to support your plan for the pairing.

Originality (12/15)
 

It’s interesting, but I didn’t see anything special.

Grammer & Spelling (19/20)

Your grammar is good and I didn’t spot any prominent mistakes even with the spellings. It’s a good thing that you took the time to edit your chapters so you wouldn’t miss anything.

Flow (7/10)
 

The story progressed at a very slow pace and I got pretty bored during the first few chapters (and there are only eleven of them). If I may suggest… you could have added a bit more activities and cut the unnecessary descriptions here and there. Also, the dialogues were nice, but they didn’t really start good conversations/discussions between the characters most of the time. The expressions like ‘feh’, ‘aish’, etc… didn’t really count as ‘proper’ convo starters and they worked like fillers instead. Since the story barely amounted to anything besides them hunting for food and getting injured in the process with byungie and ricky somewhat ‘developing’ this kind of sudden relationship, you could have compacted the chapters instead of lengthening it into 11 separate chaps.

Characterization (8/10)
 

Ricky and Byung’s characters weren’t completely established if I may say so. Parts of them were revealed as the chapters went on, but there were missing pieces that I failed to see in your fic. As for the other men, they didn’t matter much since the story basically evolved around byung and ricky.

Overall Enjoyment (7/10)

I’m giving you a 7 because I was a bit disappointed with the flow and how the story suddenly ended with ricky and byung suddenly agreeing to try dating…. -.- However, your writing is good. You just have to keep an eye on the ‘drag’ of your fic.

Reviewed by: Madchen

Score: 80/100