Phoenix in Stone

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»Phoenix in Stone Review«

Story

Title (4/5)

Perfectly suitable title but to me "Phoenix in Stone" does not seem as sophisticated or fantasy-like as like "The Trapped Phoenix" or "Unleash the Phoenix" - some creative big descriptive word you think is suitable. Just because the rest of your story is as such.
 
Foreward/Description (8/10)
 
It's inspiring and it doesn't give much of the story away. However it seemed to have a bit of hint that this story had some parallel meaning/metaphor/symbolism which confused me; I'll explain later.
 
Appearance (0/5)
 
No poster no score.
 
Plot (13/15)
 
Penalizing you on two points, as per mentioned above the "alternate universe" and mass appeal.
 
Like I mentioned above, perhaps the physical description of the story made it seem too unreal and hence I keep thinking if it was just a representative of someone being perhaps in a coma or slipping into depression, shutting herself out from the world and hence having her friends etc pulling her out of it. Getting burnt by the floor etc would be symbolic of her fears. And I guess I was over thinking it and I was supposed to take the story as it is. Adding on to this is the confusion caused in the opening chapters, it almost felt like she was losing her memory time and time again between the first three chapters.
 
Second point on mass appeal, it might be a story too hard to grasp for general readers. That's my only "problem" with this storyline. Getting burnt, losing memories, inability to heal, being trapped, trying to break free, weird physical appearances etc
 
However, I must say I did like the beautiful transformation. 
 
Originality (15/15)
 
You created a universe and its characters so really, it's all good. 
 
Grammer & Spelling (20/20)
 
As usual, nothing to fault.
 
Flow (8/10)
 
As said above, tad bit of confusion caused in her lapse of memories and emotions.
 
Characterization (7/10)
 
Because you have created "new" characters more could have been put into creating a foundation perhaps. For the opening chapters, first create the world and have your readers understand that they have entered a different realm (or be like me a cuckoo bird thinking it is relatable to humans)
 
Also, I believe this story has a rather deep meaning so not just on the physical aspect, Chaerin's character needs to be developed emotional. Imagine the pain, trauma and fear being trapped for a long time, being burnt, having your fears be confirmed etc.
 
Overall Enjoyment (7/10)
 
It was an interesting read and the fact that you got me wondering what happens next is good ;-) 
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
82/100!
 
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Comments

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ThanhXuan
#1
Chapter 135: Thanks for the review ♡
Amalya
#2
Chapter 134: Thank you for taking the time to review my story oohkatsoo. I didn't mind the wait and getting the additional perspective was a good thing in the end. ;)
I have been warned about the too many characters too quickly thing in a previous review and have yet to try and fix that, but duly noted again. haha As for the capitalization issue, I think I was going for that fairly bizarre context (in English anyway) where you capitalize some of the terms when they refer to very specific named creatures (Namjoon's father as a Titan (Perses in his back story) versus titans as a race). Likewise for chimaera though that one was never meant to be capitalized. The only one I really had an issue with in writing was actually Cyclops and that was because my spell checker kept saying the lowercase spelling was wrong. >.> lol
I will certainly consider adding more descriptions or definitions for some of the harder to grasp terms, such as what a titan actually is, in the future. I was much better about doing that in my Norse mythology story to be honest. lol I'm pretty sure the time crunch to finish it before the deadline made me sloppy here.
The game they played was meant to sort of parallel a crude cross between more modern day football (in the US) as evidenced by the in-story name, which is a fairly barbaric sport to begin with, and the gladiator events of ancient Greece and Rome, which were very barbaric events in which the competitors often died. As for the sudden appearance of the monster, I'm not sure I can actually fix that one, or if I want to at the moment. I'll think it over and see what comes of it, but either way, I do appreciate the review all the same.
It's especially nice to confirm what I am able to do well in the story just as much as it's good to be aware of what can be smoothed out more. So again, thank you for the review. I hope my comment might be able to help explain things a bit more in turn but I shall credit you and the shop immediately. ^_^
aya-ELF
#3
Chapter 4: Hi!! I have a question, do you guys only do reviews for completed stories??
libianno
#4
Chapter 128: Thank you for the review on Chasing Pavements. I appreciate you straight forward and honest opinions. I will use the pointers you have provided me well :)
funkybastard
#5
Chapter 12: Hii, I just start writing and i really want to improve my skill and i like how blunt and forward this review shop is ^^. How do i request from the shop?
thelittleluhan
#6
Chapter 113: Thank you for the review! I didn't expect what you gave me, I was honestly thinking it would be a lot worse. I'll definitely keep in mind what you said about Title and Appearance. I did feel the same about the title being less focused on the main character when you mentioned it, so that's definitely something I'll work on. I might see if I can change the title to a more fitting one (but I'm soooo bad at titles >_<). Thank you again for taking the time to review my story. You don't know how much it means to me that you at least enjoyed it ^_^
sorindae_
#7
Chapter 110: This review really hurt my feelings. But it's okay. I know of I have to improve my grammar. Thank you for helping review this story.
ZiahZiah
#8
Thank you so much for the review! (honestly, I thought I'd get worse) hahaha I'll change that grammar error soon. I'm so glad you pointed that out. :) by the way, may I ask who my reviewer was? I wanted to credit them in my Foreword! Thank you! :D
-dulcet
#9
Chapter 84: Oh thank you for the review. I'll credit you indeed I'll keep your tips in mind. Thank you :)