Am I Hurting?
Forbidden Dreamers Review Gallery
»Am I Hurting? Review«
Title (3/5)
It isn't bad but given your calibre of writing and level of sophistication of the story, I expected a title more fitting. With this i can barely make out what this story might be about, which is a pity.
Foreward/Description (9.5/10)
Perfect description which drew me into the story instantly. The slight penalty lies in the lack of introducing a slight element of surprise with regards to Kyuhyun and the twisted relationship the characters share.
Appearance (5/5)
They look gorgeous and there was thought put into producing the fitting background. Also good choice in colour scheme which adds a touch of past dwellings.
Plot (13/15)
Your storyline is incredible and I applaud you for your creativity.
I believe a lot of thought have been put in for the story development and I can see it.
Just a slight comment, the front part might feel a bit rushed especially in terms of Hyukjae agreeing to Heechul to help Donghae. I understand you intentionally kept the answers to be revealed later but do drop some "reasons" as to why Hyukjae so readily agreed eg that special feeling towards Donghae, a chance to redeem himself after losing his own loved one etc etc
Also alternating between London and Seoul can be a bit tricky. I believe they were brought up in Seoul, escaped to London before meeting with the accident in Seoul. However there is no strong attachment to their life in London; how long did they stay there so much so the people they interact with know them so well and can still remember them after a long absence of 3 years.
Giving you this score so you have room for improvement for upcoming chapters. Hwaiting!
Originality (15/15)
It isn't something out of this world but I recognize the effort in this intricate web of relationships.
Grammer & Spelling (20/20)
Nothing to penalize here.
Flow (9/10)
Very well-written; well-paced with chapters of a comfortable length. You leave your readers with a lot of questions and answer them at a good pace. Impressive.
Only comment as per above on the opening chapters.
Characterization (7/10)
I feel that this is where you're lacking the most.
There is a lot of emotional and psychological aspect to this story so there's much room for development.
On their physical aspect, I believe more background needs to be given for Eunhyuk and Donghae. Is Donghae working? Eunyuk is only a newpaper boy. I understand that Donghae is from a rich family so perhaps more emphasis on the way he spends? If he is truly as good as a money printing machine. The Bentley is one example; why would he drive it around as a jobless guy etc. Also how was their education level like? Was Eunhyuk just a boy from the streets which is why Donghae's family disapproves; which explains his inability to get a proper job in London.
Moving onto Hyukjae; how easy is it for him to drop everything just to help Donghae? What exactly is his job scope?
Overall Enjoyment (10/10)
I have to give you a perfect score for this. I clicked the subscribe button!
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
91.5/100!
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