Crappy Love War
Forbidden Dreamers Review Gallery
»CrappyLoveWarReview«
Title (5/5)
It is indeed a love war. Jungkook and Taehyung are fighting with each other on the outside. While fighting with themselves on the inside. The title is both relevant and refreshing. Simple titles are getting bashed so much lately.
Foreward/Description (8/10)
It was neat and sorted out nicely. Not too revealing, while intriguing at the same time.
Appearance (5/5)
The words are not too small and are easy to read. You didn't use any blinding colors and went easy with the font. I'd also like to give kudos to you for your self-made poster which fits well with the story.
Plot (15/15)
I'm not sure where to start. Well, it seems the entire story occurs over a course of hours because they're both still at school. I've never read a one-shot where an entire plotline is displayed over the course of hours. And it's conveyed both beautful and artistically, might I add. I'm a fan of exstracting real-life lessons from stories. If I can do that, it means the fic was well written and well thought out. It starts with Jungkook pondering why Taehyung always picks on him. And the plot progresses as Jungkook witnesses Taehyung having a breakdown. He then wants to comfort the boy in some way because he realizes Taehyung is not that much different from him. Everyone has their own problems that lead them to making certain decissions that they might've avoided under different(better) circumstances. As for the plot, you nailed this area.
Originality (14/15)
The bully having affections towards the bullyee is a recycled idea. Seeing as you didn't go the trodded path as fars as plot goes, I don't find a problem with using something that is normally seen as cliche.
Grammer & Spelling (7/20)
Your grammar is not good. I'm sorry. There were a bountiful amount of mis-spelled words and awkward phrasing. I suggest you get a beta reader to spot the mistakes and fix them. I could tell you were trying to be descriptive. Which came across well. But, the errors were too abundant to be overlooked.
Flow (9/10)
The flow was nice. Like mentioned earier because none of the characters went home(Taehyung had to wait for his parents, and Jungkook was knocked out in the nurse's office) if we're talking real time, the story itself happened over a few hours. If someone told me this without reading it for myself, I'd assume it'd be impossible to use such a short time without the plot being rushed. But, by inserting flashbacks at various points, you broadly avoided this potential problem.
Characterization (10/10)
I don't think I've ever read better elaborated characters. Jungkook is soft hearted with lots of idiotic bravery for something he cares about. His mother, for example. He doesn't want to disappoint her, so he stands up to Taehyung & his crew. Even though, the odds weren't exactly in his favor. And at the end, he isn't sure if Taehyung will accept his affections. He just sees a boy that needs to feel the warmth of being loved and goes for it. I also enjoyed Minji and Jungkook's mom as side characters. They were both factors that pushed him to Taehyung. After disappoiting his mom and feeling her rage, he could empathize with Taehyung. And Minji helped Jungkook come to his realization that Taehyung wasn't evil, just bitter and lonely. When Jungkook felt her warm hug after being cast aside by his mother, he knew that's what Taehyung needed and that's why he was so enraged after Jungkook told him didn't know love. Because it was the truth. Side characters were used as advancers to the plot and they were introduced appropriately. Taehyung's character was really mind-blowing. He started off as this big and bad bully. Then, he shrunk after being kicked to the curb by his entire family(this wasn't the first time apparently) . He only craved attention. His desire to be included and loved drove him to lash on Jungkko who seemed to be loved. Even if it was just his mother, he at least had one person. Which, Taehyung didn't even have. Then, he has this entire monologue where he has flashbacks and breaks down his feelings for the readers to understand and sort out with him. Which is why he allows Jungkook to hold him. Wonderful characters. Just..stupendous.
Overall Enjoyment (10/10)
This might be a little unprofessional, but I fangirled over your story. Personally, I'm a Vkook shipper. But, even for those who aren't, this stoty is a must-read.
Reviewed by: MiaMae14
83/100!
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