Pleasure Down the Rabbit Hole - Review

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»Pleasure Down the Rabbit HoleReview«

Pleasure Down the Rabbit Hole - main story image

 

 

Title (3/5)

I do not get the feeling of the story from the title. It seems there is going to be quite a lot of mystery (demon) and rough within the story but the story is slightly towards the fluffy side with no hints of the themes mentioned.
 
Foreward/Description (10/10)
 
I love the description. It suits the story perfectly and it helps that you clarify from the start the type of species and personalities of the various characters.
 
Appearance (3/5)
 
Two pointers:
1) Donghae does not look innocent enough in the poster
2) You mentioned that Eunhyuk is red-haired but a blonde picture was used
 
Plot (12/15)
 
I like the opening two chapters which definitely evoked a lot of questions from the readers and the was wll-written.
 
You managed to answer all the questions which may have arise is an excellent way in the third chapter as well so credit is given.

Only one suggestion; you might want to write both the first two opening chapters in Donghae's POV because of all the unanswered questions. It would have been interesting. Chapter 1 to chapter 2 seems like a big switch right now going from not knowing anything to full knowledge of actions and names of the two incubus. 
 
Looking forward to how you will handle more scenes, description of a made up planet and species and also relationship development.
 
Originality (14/15)
 
Definitely an interesting plot. Inventing a new species is always not easy. Make sure no loopholes are found.
 
Grammer & Spelling (18/20)
 
Nothing major spotted just take note of your tenses at times.
 
Flow (9/10)
 
I love the overall structure so far. Well done.
 
Characterization (8/10)
 
Good job so far. You definitely need to go indepth into Donghae's background soon and explain his rather calm reaction so far.
 
Overall Enjoyment (8/10)
 
Hot. Interesting. Definitely a good read.
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
85/100!
 
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ThanhXuan #1
Chapter 135: Thanks for the review ♡
Amalya #2
Chapter 134: Thank you for taking the time to review my story oohkatsoo. I didn't mind the wait and getting the additional perspective was a good thing in the end. ;)
I have been warned about the too many characters too quickly thing in a previous review and have yet to try and fix that, but duly noted again. haha As for the capitalization issue, I think I was going for that fairly bizarre context (in English anyway) where you capitalize some of the terms when they refer to very specific named creatures (Namjoon's father as a Titan (Perses in his back story) versus titans as a race). Likewise for chimaera though that one was never meant to be capitalized. The only one I really had an issue with in writing was actually Cyclops and that was because my spell checker kept saying the lowercase spelling was wrong. >.> lol
I will certainly consider adding more descriptions or definitions for some of the harder to grasp terms, such as what a titan actually is, in the future. I was much better about doing that in my Norse mythology story to be honest. lol I'm pretty sure the time crunch to finish it before the deadline made me sloppy here.
The game they played was meant to sort of parallel a crude cross between more modern day football (in the US) as evidenced by the in-story name, which is a fairly barbaric sport to begin with, and the gladiator events of ancient Greece and Rome, which were very barbaric events in which the competitors often died. As for the sudden appearance of the monster, I'm not sure I can actually fix that one, or if I want to at the moment. I'll think it over and see what comes of it, but either way, I do appreciate the review all the same.
It's especially nice to confirm what I am able to do well in the story just as much as it's good to be aware of what can be smoothed out more. So again, thank you for the review. I hope my comment might be able to help explain things a bit more in turn but I shall credit you and the shop immediately. ^_^
aya-ELF #3
Chapter 4: Hi!! I have a question, do you guys only do reviews for completed stories??
libianno #4
Chapter 128: Thank you for the review on Chasing Pavements. I appreciate you straight forward and honest opinions. I will use the pointers you have provided me well :)
funkybastard #5
Chapter 12: Hii, I just start writing and i really want to improve my skill and i like how blunt and forward this review shop is ^^. How do i request from the shop?
thelittleluhan #6
Chapter 113: Thank you for the review! I didn't expect what you gave me, I was honestly thinking it would be a lot worse. I'll definitely keep in mind what you said about Title and Appearance. I did feel the same about the title being less focused on the main character when you mentioned it, so that's definitely something I'll work on. I might see if I can change the title to a more fitting one (but I'm soooo bad at titles >_<). Thank you again for taking the time to review my story. You don't know how much it means to me that you at least enjoyed it ^_^
sorindae_ #7
Chapter 110: This review really hurt my feelings. But it's okay. I know of I have to improve my grammar. Thank you for helping review this story.
ZiahZiah #8
Thank you so much for the review! (honestly, I thought I'd get worse) hahaha I'll change that grammar error soon. I'm so glad you pointed that out. :) by the way, may I ask who my reviewer was? I wanted to credit them in my Foreword! Thank you! :D
-dulcet #9
Chapter 84: Oh thank you for the review. I'll credit you indeed I'll keep your tips in mind. Thank you :)
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