Fragments of Forever
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»Fragments of Forever Review«
Title (4/5)
It is a good title. My only critic is on the 's'; fragments. Which made me feel like you were referring to many moments in Myungsoo's life instead of just Nayoung, a sole broken piece. Hope you get my drift. But overall very good title with close relation to the story and photography and I see it being dropped in places.
Foreward/Description (6/10)
Penalizing you here only because the rest of your story is so deep and meaningful I would have loved for an equally attractive foreword which would draw your readers in. The first page is so important....but yes the "story of Myungsoo" bit is accurate.
Appearance (3/5)
I do like the main poster; the black and white feel is nice and Myungsoo with the camera is ideal. However, it almost feels like Chanyeol as a fading shadow at the back is the fragment of forever.
Plot (14/15)
It's amazing really. I love it. I will share you the minus one point on a personal level.
The overall plot is so well done, it's deep and meaningful and you did not leave out any loopholes at all in terms of character development and why they would suffer from such an illness which is very important in a story.
The idealogy of photography being a way to capture a moment to make it last forever is so perfectly done and I applaud you for that.
Good job on event details as well; support group, medication, doctor visits etc
Ok here comes a rather unprofesssional and non-technical take:
To be honest I don't know how many fans are both EXO and Infinite fans so doing a cross-over may or may not be a good idea when people are searching through the stories via tags. I personally love Infinite so I have to say I was a bit put off by Chanyeol being introduced and to be honest he was an insignificant character; a suggestion. Why not do this in a "first pov" where YOU are the writer seeking Myungsoo's story. Think about the reader's emotions intensified as they feel like they are the one sitting there in the living room listening to the touching story ;-)
Also, I was rather "disappointed" that Nayoung was also a kid with disorder because I was hoping for a story where a normal person is able to "understand" and "care" for someone with an illness. And tbh, I find it a bit hard for two people with disorders to be together; I will accept if you tell me this happened in reality in your life.
Other than that, it IS an amazing story. It is a gem on AFF <3
Originality (15/15)
Full marks here. Yes I've read stories on depression, self-harm etc but I really like your take on the forever and love aspect along with the incorporation of a storybook and a "sad ending"
Language (17/20)
To be honest I find that your level of English is pretty high but personally you can improve a lot more in terms of writing style; narration and sentence structure. To me, basically it feels like you're a native English speaker but you don't write much so your expression lacks a bit.
Which also brought me to question why I managed to spot these two mistakes:
The first being in your main page
phothographer.
photographer
“What would you do if you loss me, Myungsoo-ssi?”
lost
Flow (10/10)
For a three chaptered story I thought it was perfectly fine.
Characterization (9/10)
Well done on Myungsoo as mentioned above. A little bit more could have been done on Nayoung and Chanyeol.
Overall Enjoyment (10/10)
I was turned off by Chanyeol's name in a story about Myungsoo to be honest but you drew me right back in and I applaud you for that. It was a good read. =)
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
88/100!
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