Give Your Heart a Break
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Title (3/5)
You're an amazing writer so honestly I would have preferred a title which suited story more; its more of the opening of heart or breaking down of barriers around the heart (referring to Hyukjae of course)
Foreward/Description (9/10)
I really like it; short and simple once again but with a strong impact. Though one slight comment; is it a "he has to prove him wrong" or "he wants to prove him wrong"? Food for thought.
Appearance (0/5)
You do not have any posters so I think it's only fair you do not score in this segment.
Plot (14/15)
First I love this story, I think its sweet and touching and I couldn't have asked for a more perfect ending. The start was brilliant. I got hooked almost instantly.
Just a couple of pointers:
-I didn't get the feeling that Donghae was genuinely in love/have feelings for Hyukjae within the first chapter. It could be deemed as Donghae just being a determined person to accomplish what he wants; to offer Hyukjae the feeling being loved without himself being in it
-Which brings me to the second comment on bringing in Donghae's background and what he really feels (introduce snippets of it in the first chapter in between their "chat sessions"
-I don't quite catch the meaming behind Kyuhyun as the messenger as well; it feels nice if Donghae himself delivered the gifts. It could be so for many reasons, Donghae is shy, Donghae wants to make Hyukjae yearn for him etc but this wasn't brought out on the day they met
-Choosing Vday; a significant day for love as first date; you failed to bring out the meaning of it. Maybe make Hyukjae look at the couples around him and feel lonely, or make Donghae explain Vday to him, or Donghae using the atmosphere of Vday etc...
Originality (14/15)
Fresh idea with a tinge of deeper meaning embedded within. Well done.
Grammer & Spelling (20/20)
Nothing to penalize here.
Flow (7/10)
As mentioned above, a lead up into chapter 2's emotional and relationship development would be nice.
Also, the numbering makes it feel like you could have broken them up into individual chapters. Personally for Chapter 1; I felt that I and II could have been put into another prologue or acted as an opening chapter.
If you intentionally wanted to make it "short" by forcing it into 2 chapters you may remove the numbering and just put a line.
Characterization (8/10)
Definitely more could have been done for Donghae.
Overall Enjoyment (10/10)
Capitvated me from the start. Definitely a good recommend.
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
85/100!
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