IF YOU ONLY KNEW
Forbidden Dreamers Review Gallery
»IF YOU ONLY KNEWReview«
**Review is done based off first 10 chapters and then I skipped to the last 3 to see how the ending was like.
Title (3/5)
It was appropriate enough with regards to hidden feelings which I managed to grasp within the first few chapters but I would have preferred "If You Only Knew" - and I advise against capitalizing your entire title.
Foreward/Description (3/10)
I'll tell you that I didn't watch your trailer so there really isn't much going on in your foreword/description which is a pity because this story is pretty interesting..
Appearance (2/5)
It could be a personal thing but I am not fond of moving backgrounds; they distract me. Apart from that the front page and chapter with pictures all over tend to look a bit messy.
Plot (10/15)
To be fair, the idea is decent and there is so much room for development but I feel that there is a lot lacking after giving the first 10 chapters a read.
Sulli as a victim of a case of bully and suffering from a chronic illness and yet longing for love and affection from a gorgeous love interest. So much room for emotion-evoking from your readers, getting them to sympathize with her and also of course see how she captures the heart of Myungsoo and how he falls for her. Kinda like 'a walk to remember' if you ask me.
Couple of feedback:
-the couple project thing is weird
-there is a lack of mention of her family even though I saw what happened to her dad and victoria as her nice pampering sister. Mother?
-family reaction is essential here because of her condition
-I did like the relatively happy ending in that she didn't give her life up at 18 but 28 instead; time to have a family...
-but did you consider how Myungsoo would feel being left behind? As well as her kids? If I knew I wasn't going to be around to take care of my kids I might not want to have them. Also note the technicality having a kid while you are a cancer patient.
-you need to study the symptoms and side effects of medication of a cancer patient to write this accurately
-you made them 16 and yet there was a lot involved in love-making ie Kai and having share the same room...they are underaged.
-why did a friend Krystal suddenly pop up in chapter 8 when she insisted no one talked to her and no one cared about her?
Originality (10/15)
As mentioned above, this is pretty interesting and different.
Language (8/20)
One of your weaker points for sure.
Some advice:
-Past and present tense; choose one you want to write in. You have conflicting timelines within one single sentence
-Sentence structure and paragraphing. Some lines are too short and some paragraphs go on for too long
-Teachers do not address students as "Ms Sulli" - just "Sulli"
-Spelling errors here and there but not too bad
Flow (7/10)
I didn't particularly like the alternating between short and long chapters but overall pace was fine.
Characterization (5/10)
Basically, a lot more room for development as said above. Sulli's emotional and psychological state is not easy to handle. As well as justification for Myungsoo falling for someone like her.
Overall Enjoyment (4/10)
Decent, pity I couldn't make myself go through the whole story to understand it better.
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
52/100!
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