Demon Love ♡
Forbidden Dreamers Review Gallery
»Demon Love Review«
**I did the review based off all 16 current chapters
Title (3/5)
It was fitting but demon stories are a bit of a cliche and common thing on AFF so might not be that striking but for those who look forward to that type of stories, it works.
Foreword/Description (8/10)
I actually really liked your foreword, it was simply and straight to the point without giving away much plot. It's something that can make readers click the next button. BUT the first few chapters were a tad bit of a disappointment compared to the foreword will explain below.
Appearance (3/5)
Poster is simple and appropriate and gives the right feels with good choice of picture and colour BUT I'm deducting points off here because of your fonts; it keeps changing from size and type within a chapter and it doesn't look good, you might want to do something about that.
Plot (8/15)
To be fair, the idea is pretty good despite being overused BUT you were not able to bring out the demon/suspense/mystery/fictional aspect of the story within the first few chapters and it was a bit boring, I was looking for things related to demons but found none. (I believe things only got revealed later in the chapters; >10 and I'm giving you some credit here only because I took the liberty to read on)
- Why does Hyukjae (and even Kyuhyun for that matter) seem to have such "normal" lives even though they are demons. Sorry but a common view of a demon is not a normal rich kid who's parents just died etc....you humanized your demons so it was weird to me.
- There is also no background information on demons; how does one become a demon since he seems to have a childhood like any other
- The whole thing on mates and how they work did not make sense to me; all along I was wondering why in the world a demon would want to mate to a person who's life he saves if there is no benefit (the power revelation came only later)
- Also with Hae as Hyuk's mate...they did not act like it at all in the beginning; to me mates should be somehow bonded.
I understand that you are trying to keep your readers in suspense and not let out all these "little secrets" from the start such as how a demon dies when his mate dies (this is obviously one of Hyuk's enemies trying to take revenge and hence hunting Hae down towards the latest chapters) but you need to at least set a foundation; make them feel like demons to me from the start and not suddenly make them as such in the middle of the story when need be. (do I make sense?)
Originality (10/15)
I'll give you the score as such cause I think demonic natures are used a lot but credits to your own plot and ideas.
Language (8/20)
One of your weaker points for sure, let me list out as much as I can.
1) You dont need to capitalize the entire "shouting" speech;
"DONGHAE WAKE UP OR YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!"
"Donghae! Wake up now or you're going to be late for school!!!"
2) Get your tenses right
I took a seat and she putted a plat of scrambled eggs and two toast in front of me. (put)
3) Usage of wrong words (spelling)
after I had gotten myself in a car accident that left me on the average of death. (verge)
"GUYES COME QUICKLY THERE IS A HUGE FIGHT HAPPENING IN THE HELL WAY" (Guys, hallway)
he's like the most ferried guy in our school (feared)
I would recommend you to try the chocolate and strawberry mousse cake since it's our most selling cake at this moment!! (best)
4) Formatting
"Hae I need your help with my math homework" said Sungmin
"Hae, I need your help with my math homework," said Sungmin.
5) Do not use abbreviations, spell it out
Wait......does he mean he will be coming here from now on........FML.
6) Overall phrasing
"What you think I will believe you!!!" He said tightening his hold on my hair.
"What makes you think I will believe you?!" He said while tightening his hold on my hair.
These are the few I picked out, I didn't penalize you that badly because it was still understandable overall.
Flow (6/10)
As mentioned, front part was a bit lacking in terms of building up .
Characterization (5/10)
As per above, the demons dont feel like demons to me apart from you telling me they are because they behave like any other normal human and then all of a sudden bam! they have powers.
Overall Enjoyment (7/10)
It wasn't a bad read at all but can be improved upon especially planning of plot etc. Hwaiting!
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
58/100!
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