Tell No Tales (Two Sides of the Same Coin) - Review

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»Tell No Tales (Two Sides of the Same Coin) Review«

Story

 

Title (3/5)

It is alright and I might be able to guess already the meaning and symbolism of "Two Sides of the Same Coin" but "Tell No Tales" seem to have no bearing. A suggestion might be to have your title in sync with your greek idios, I find that a selling point.
 
Foreward/Description (7/10)
 
Simple and straightforward but lacking in excitement and suspense which the story does provide because you're drawing a web between all the characters creating a complicated and supposedly shocking link.
 
Appearance (0/5)
 
No points here as there's no poster.
 
Plot (10/15)
 
It's a pretty good plot on an overall. The idea is there. Just a couple of pointers.
 
-On the way you write; especially in the first chapter when you're talking about "you" and "Yongguk" its gets confusing because it feels like it's from "your" POV but you go pretty deep into "Yongguk's" feelings as well. Took me until chapter 3 to fully get used to your style of writing; a third POV which talks about "you" and "Yongguk". And the thing about writing about "you", you're trying to make the reader feel that its them in the story but it may not always work because I kind of start judging you for judging me in the story. You might want to make one chapter truly from "your" POV so readers can fully fit into her role. (Hope you understand what I'm saying)
 
-Pretty well use of suspense within your story, readers can guess who the "guy" is etc and you're slowly unveiling the truth which is well done
 
-But note the use of the twins here. If they are identical you might want to have a relook at your story because having two people who look alike causes a lot of problems. Eg if you know one of them without knowing he has a twin, one day if you meet his twin you're going to be shocked and confused etc
 
-Lastly I acknowledge your appropriate use of greek idios 
 
Giving you a lower score so you have much room for improvement for the rest of your story. Hwaiting!
 
Originality (13/15)
 
Definitely something interesting.
 
Grammer & Spelling (19/20)
 
Simple English with no errors.
 
Flow (6/10)
 
Penalty on above mentioned point for confusion on POVs. Other than that, I feel that more needs to be put into development of the characters and their relationships and not just a narration of events.
 
Characterization (6/10)
 
Much potential here for improvement. "You" obviously suffered from heartbreak and is trying to shut yourself out. Also possibility of troubles being caused in your life so that affects a person a lot emotionally and psychologically. You might want to do a chapter on an actual "your" POV so we can have better understanding on your main character.
 
Relationship of Yongguk with the people around him needs to be developed as well.
 
Overall Enjoyment (8/10)
 
A good read. Ample suspense to keep you wanting more. Well done.
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
72/100!
 
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Comments

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ThanhXuan
#1
Chapter 135: Thanks for the review ♡
Amalya
#2
Chapter 134: Thank you for taking the time to review my story oohkatsoo. I didn't mind the wait and getting the additional perspective was a good thing in the end. ;)
I have been warned about the too many characters too quickly thing in a previous review and have yet to try and fix that, but duly noted again. haha As for the capitalization issue, I think I was going for that fairly bizarre context (in English anyway) where you capitalize some of the terms when they refer to very specific named creatures (Namjoon's father as a Titan (Perses in his back story) versus titans as a race). Likewise for chimaera though that one was never meant to be capitalized. The only one I really had an issue with in writing was actually Cyclops and that was because my spell checker kept saying the lowercase spelling was wrong. >.> lol
I will certainly consider adding more descriptions or definitions for some of the harder to grasp terms, such as what a titan actually is, in the future. I was much better about doing that in my Norse mythology story to be honest. lol I'm pretty sure the time crunch to finish it before the deadline made me sloppy here.
The game they played was meant to sort of parallel a crude cross between more modern day football (in the US) as evidenced by the in-story name, which is a fairly barbaric sport to begin with, and the gladiator events of ancient Greece and Rome, which were very barbaric events in which the competitors often died. As for the sudden appearance of the monster, I'm not sure I can actually fix that one, or if I want to at the moment. I'll think it over and see what comes of it, but either way, I do appreciate the review all the same.
It's especially nice to confirm what I am able to do well in the story just as much as it's good to be aware of what can be smoothed out more. So again, thank you for the review. I hope my comment might be able to help explain things a bit more in turn but I shall credit you and the shop immediately. ^_^
aya-ELF
#3
Chapter 4: Hi!! I have a question, do you guys only do reviews for completed stories??
libianno
#4
Chapter 128: Thank you for the review on Chasing Pavements. I appreciate you straight forward and honest opinions. I will use the pointers you have provided me well :)
funkybastard
#5
Chapter 12: Hii, I just start writing and i really want to improve my skill and i like how blunt and forward this review shop is ^^. How do i request from the shop?
thelittleluhan
#6
Chapter 113: Thank you for the review! I didn't expect what you gave me, I was honestly thinking it would be a lot worse. I'll definitely keep in mind what you said about Title and Appearance. I did feel the same about the title being less focused on the main character when you mentioned it, so that's definitely something I'll work on. I might see if I can change the title to a more fitting one (but I'm soooo bad at titles >_<). Thank you again for taking the time to review my story. You don't know how much it means to me that you at least enjoyed it ^_^
sorindae_
#7
Chapter 110: This review really hurt my feelings. But it's okay. I know of I have to improve my grammar. Thank you for helping review this story.
ZiahZiah
#8
Thank you so much for the review! (honestly, I thought I'd get worse) hahaha I'll change that grammar error soon. I'm so glad you pointed that out. :) by the way, may I ask who my reviewer was? I wanted to credit them in my Foreword! Thank you! :D
-dulcet
#9
Chapter 84: Oh thank you for the review. I'll credit you indeed I'll keep your tips in mind. Thank you :)