Story Review: Last January

Title (4/5)

The title kind of made sense because it’s about Kyungsoo’s death and how JongIn tried to cope after it. But in terms of the quality of the title, it didn’t actually impress me. Months, days, hours and even minutes were used in different stories in different sites. But after trying to analyze your purpose of making the title ‘Last January’, it did fit somehow

Foreword/Description (8/10)

It was started with angst, yeah. The opening statement was exclusively for the story itself, but it sounded a little funny to me. Somehow, there’s something wrong with it. As for the next lines (or more like short short sentences), they could still be revised because there were errors regarding the tenses of the verbs.

Example:

‘Before it gone’ should be “Before it’s gone”

Appearance (4/5)

The poster doesn’t really fit the story. Angst fics usually have darker hues in their posters or maybe nostalgic looking faces on the posters. The one you’re using was a bit bland and lacked emotion when I stared at it. However, background was okay, so far. For the format of the words, paragraphs, etc… they were pretty neat and organized.
 

Plot (12/15)

I can’t really judge the plot as a whole because I feel that something is still lacking. Yes, Kyungsoo’s death, JongIn’s sorrow and Yura’s confusion was portrayed decently, but I still have some more questions regarding the sequence of events and your author’s notes.

Death is really unexpected, yes. I know the feeling of losing someone. But…ugh

I’m not interfering with your author’s notes, but they are a bit long and almost as long as the chapter itself. For some readers, they ignore author’s notes even if they are part of the story (like you mentioned beforehand), and I think it will be better if you incorporated your explanations in the chapter itself and not in your author’s notes. In that way, the story will be a lot more meaningful than it is now. It feels like the emotions are split up in the chapter and the author’s note, when it should be in the chapter. Trust me, it works best that way. That’s all.

Originality (11/15)

The story is not that uncommon. Death, suicidal stuff, arrange marriage thingies and unconfessed feelings can be read in most angst stories here. I’ve read lots of Kaisoo angst and I tend to compare all of them, so I’m very familiar with a plot like this. If ever you have some kind of surprise up your sleeve, then that’s good. If you don’t, then this will be one of the typical angst fics.

Grammer & Spelling (17/20)

One word: Tenses.

You’ve been saying that some people reread your chapters and checked the grammar. However, there are still a handful of mistakes in a chapter. I suggest that you ask a better beta reader to recheck them all because the events are sequenced, but the frequent mistakes tend to… irk (?) readers not matter how good the story is.

When you use ‘would’, don’t follow it up by another verb in past tense because it sounds wrong. Keep an eye on your tenses because they should be constant throughout the story. If you want to use past tense, use it. If you want to use present, then that’s what you should use in all your chapters.

Flow (7/10)

The flow is quite jumpy (but I can’t argue with that because that’s how you want to play the scenes). And it’s better if you won’t reveal the next scene in your author’s note. Please.

Characterization (7/10)
 

JongIn, Kyungsoo and Yura’s characters (yes, because you mention her often) are not that established. I can only relate with their sadness, but not the way they think, how they act or their outlook in life. You should keep in mind that a story should be played well by the characters themselves, and not of the scenes only.
 

Overall Enjoyment (8/10)

It’s interesting, but please make the chapters a lot longer than the author’s note.

Reviewed by: Madchen

78/100