Six Plus One
Forbidden Dreamers Review Gallery
»Six Plus One Review«
Title (5/5)
Simple and mundane but fitting of the story anyway.
Foreward/Description (8/10)
The trailer was well done but along with the foreword, description and progression of the story so far, your story has no highlights. The plot is being mentioned accurately but is that all there is?
Appearance (4/5)
Cute and suitable. I understand you want to keep the image of Bambi vague so that's fine.
Plot (10/15)
It is not a bad story but it's rather flat. Also there's many areas which need stronger linking and flow topped with background information. I will provide examples/suggestions:
- In the opening chapters, there is a lack of strong foundation for the family's relationship. How close are the kids to the parents? How close are the two siblings? Why does it seem that the two of them aren't that close etc. I know you address this in the later bit about Chanyeol and EXO but you might want to establish something along the lines of "we used to be close but not now" kind of statement.
- But this becomes contradictory again because you mention how close the siblings are in the knowing of each other's relationship status; ie Bambi got mad when Chanyeol was said to have a girlfriend and Chanyeol's protectiveness towards Bambi
- Also the boyfriend Taehyung seems a bit left out in the opening chapters which is shocking because of her parents' death. Also it was understandably explained later but
- How did Taehyung know about her living with EXO, if he knows there's a possibility that all the fans do as well and that would be in the media
- Also you mention that Bambi looks like Haemi and Haemi is extremely pretty so why did Sehun think she was ugly?
- Add to that the fact that EXO-K here in the story are high school friends, it should be evident that they have met Bambi if they are so close and assuming pre EXO is the period Bambi and Chanyeol are still close.
I hope you understand the above pointers, basically a lot of loopholes in general storyline here and there.
Overall I have no idea where this story is headed, what is the point of it and what I am due to expect.
Originality (12/15)
Not a fresh idea but you might want to introduce your highlight because "girl moves in with celebrity brother" tends to be slightly overused.
Grammer & Spelling (19/20)
Nothing too serious here. Generally ok with language.
Flow (5/10)
As I mentioned above, too much questions arising in each chapter.
Characterization (5/10)
I have to penalize you here on the lack of in depth background information on most of the characters.
Also I am rather confused with your main characters' relationship with everyone else. Honestly she has done rather inappropriate things with almost all the members so that is a bit confusing on the direction its headed towards.
Overall Enjoyment (7/10)
Definitely not a bad read, interesting enough but note the lack of direction.
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
75/100!
Comments