Review for Enchanted

Title (3/5)

I was anticipating a fantasy fic because of your title ‘enchanted’, but it didn’t turn out that way, sadly. It wasn’t the most appealing title for your story, honestly. Although I kind of understand YongHwa’s point of view about it. But…

Foreward/Description (7/10)

First of all, I didn’t fancy your description. It seemed bland and too common for a romance fic. The accident and amnesia part kind of gave away the whole thing and the readers would surely know the outcome by just reading the foreword.

Appearance (3/5)

The poster was cute, but SeoHyun and YongHwa looked too serious in it. Chapters were being interrupted by the appearance of pictures and the bold sentences that I find really weird.

Plot (10/15)

The plot was too common. All the ‘drama’ and the ‘funny’ moments were a nice touch, but it didn’t express much about the character’s personality/emotions/the way they think.

And I really have a pet peeve when it came to the POVs. Constant shifting of points of views tend to irk most readers especially those who’re pretty sensitive. All the ‘~’, ‘Kyaa~’, ‘Hyah~’, ‘Omo’, the weird, unnecessary stuttering kind of turned me off. In your future stories, I advice you to get rid of the constant ‘~’, and the korean terms that some readers don’t understand. Although some are pretty familiar with those words, ‘jjang’, ‘jinja’, ‘halbojji(?)’, ‘yeojachingu’, ‘namjachingu’, and ‘ahjumma’ can be translated in English. ‘Hyung’ is pretty complicated so it’s often ignored, but the other terms are very unnecessary. Please get rid of the ‘*knock knock*’, ‘*sighs*’, ‘*giggles*’. This isn’t an rp. Instead, narrate it in the characters point of view.

Example:

Seohyun heard someone knock on the door, feeling a bit flustered when YongHwa entered the room and smiled at her.

Originality (10/15)

A cliché story. Sorry, but that’s how I view this.

Grammer & Spelling (10/20)

1) Get a beta-reader.

2) read more fics to improve your grammar

I understand that English is not your first language, but it wouldn’t hurt to consult a grammar book. I expected minimal errors, but there was a lot and I mean it.

Notes:

Does is singular, Do is plural. When you use does or do, it means you are in the present tense.  However, did is the past tense of both. By using did, the sentence is already in the past tense so you don’t have to use the past form of the verb.

For example: Did she use the bathroom earlier? ß this is the correct one.

Don’t ever substitute used for use. The sentence becomes really weird due to the change of tenses.

Also, was and were are also in the past tense. You could still follow it up with a verb in past tense, depending on the sentence itself. Reread your sentences. If it sounds weird, there’s something wrong with your sentences.

And I noticed your constant use of ‘to’. Try to experiment with other prepositions and maybe search about their uses. Every preposition is different from the other. If you use the wrong one, the sentence will sound weird again.

All in all, make sure that the whole chapter/story is constant. Do not, I repeat, do not mix up past and present.

3) Some conversations sound awkward. They might be grammatically right, but the situation makes it feel wrong because it sounds too formal or too uncommon for a casual conversation.

Flow (7/10)

The YongHwa-Seohyun relationship progressed too fast. If Seohyun didn’t remember YongHwa, will she readily give into a guy who she just bumped into? Think about it.

Characterization (7/10)

I can still understand bits and pieces of the characters. However, their personalities weren’t established.

Overall Enjoyment (5/10)

I hope you don’t get offended by my remarks. Your story could have been enjoyable if not for the constant grammatical mistakes and the expressions that irked me. In the future, try to avoid the POV thing I mentioned and focus more on the events, not the conversations. I’m not trying to discourage you. This review is for the improvement of your writing especially your grammar. Sorry if I sounded rude, but I didn’t want to beat around the bush.

Lastly, don’t get upset about the subscribers. If you lose one, you can still gain them in the future. It’s no biggie.

Reviewed by: Madchen

Total: 62/100