Ways a Nerd Can Seduce a Hot Kingka!
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»Ways a Nerd Can Seduce a Hot KingkaReview«
Title (2/5)
It's a cute title but it does not fit the story which has a content that goes much deeper than that. You did not explain what "Kingkas" were which is not good for the understanding of the story.
Foreward/Description (7/10)
It's an average foreword which describes the main characters and side characters. But I would have liked you to include more about their relationship and how it started and to what it became.
Appearance (3/5)
It's cute as per the title but once again not fitting of the story. Also you did not list Kris as a main character but he appears in the poster taking up a large portion.
Plot (7/15)
I can sort of guess the storyline which is a pretty interesting one. One involving childhood sweetheart, perhaps even family and personal matters that transforms someone, friendships, overseas relationships, one-sided love, makeovers and winning over someone who is a total opposite. But unfortunately, there's just too much lacking in the story writing and expression aspect that it's a pity none of the appeals and interesting points could come across. I hope the below criticisms will be helpful.
Overall the color change, too many languages and too many names made the story very confusing.
Even their thoughts were in a language which made no sense. I was also unable to tell what was being said out and what were thoughts. The dual names were also unnecessary. You have so many characters already and it's confusing as it is, you don't need to give all of them two names especially when it bears no significance.
The large time gap of 11 years held a lot of questions. What happed to Luhan to make him change? If Michelle has known EXO for 11 years why did it take so long for Kris to talk to her for the first time and have lunch? It would make more sense if they were at least already normal friends who spoke to each other but she never wanted to sit with the group.
The color change was unnecessary and utterly confusing. I don't think there's a need to show what language they are speaking in especially since you used korean words for the korean bit. There is also no significance in making her speak her mother tongue with her family as opposed to English. It basically boils down to Luhan helping her around. (Prologue)
You mentioned a korean and american schooling semester which Andrea was concerned about but made no effort to state the explicit difference. (Chapter 2)
These are just a few examples of content wise which you should take note of.
Originality (10/15)
Typical high school kind of story which is very common in the EXO fanfic world but I give you credit for the childhood sweetheart and friendship and love Kris has.
Grammer & Spelling (10/20)
Readable but badly formatted, phrased and mistakes are frequent.
I should start doing my job. So, what do you think about Michelle? Is she nice to you?
Are you kidding me? I knew the guy was joking. She's the meanest! She calls me names and likes leaving me behind! She was going to ditch me at lunch today!
I got right down to doing my job as I interogated Kris, "So, what do you think about Michelle? Is she nice to you?"
"Are you kidding me?! She's the meanest! She calls me names and ditches me all the time. She did it during lunch today!" Kris replied jokingly.
"What`s up, bestie?"
"What's up, bestie?"
pick up your futue girlfriend
pick up your future girlfriend
arrival of my so call oppa
arrival of my so-called oppa
I thought you wearn`t coming
I thought you weren't coming
Flow (3/10)
It was not a comfortable progression in the story at all. You tend to jump between POV and when you do sometimes you overlap the timelines and even the character thoughts. Having 99% of your story in dialog is a negative point as well.
Characterization (4/10)
You labeled Michelle a nerd but yet I see no description or action of hers that even points towards her being a nerd. She is feisty and is apparently able to win the interested of the Kingkas.
With regards to Luhan, you made no effort to explain how and why he changed from a pleasant boy to a jerk.
In chapter 10, it also seemed that Andrea did not know Michelle well enough to be surprised at her rejecting Luhan after knowing what he did to her.
And more importantly the character development in between the 11 years are not accounted for.
Overall Enjoyment (3/10)
I'm sorry but it was very difficult to read. On the good side, the formatting is something you can easily fix and it makes a whole world of difference.
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
49/100!
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