1:28
Forbidden Dreamers Review Gallery
»1:28Review«
Title (5/5)
I can't find any references to the title. I understand the plot revolves around time; how much you have, how much you don't have and what's left of it. I do remember you mentioning some time around eleven. I'll still give you full marks because the story itself is based heavily on time, even if you never explicitly said 1:28.
Foreward/Description (10/10)
The description was good and it fit the story.
Appearance (3/5)
The layout of the chapter isn't that great. The black birds cover the words sometimes and the background is distracting. It's a little too much. I have bad eyes, but even someone with great eyes would find the words hard to see.
Plot (8/15)
The plot was really good up until the car accident. Every action had a reaction. JC wanted Kris to pursue his dream ---> so she pushed him towards it. She left him---> that hurt Kris. She came back-----> Kris was happy again. JC got hit by a car-------> she survived? She should've died on the spot or on the way to the hotel. The reaction was too delayed and, therefore, unrealistic. You had a chance to really squeeze out emotion if she did died then. JC's entire attitude towards life is that you never know when it will all end which caused her to take the actions she did. But, the fact that you dragged out her death to an extremely unrealistic extent made it seem too much like a fairytale and it discreditted the mood you were creating.
Originality (15/15)
I think it's orginal. Sorry for the lack of detail, but I think I've said enough in different sections to cover anything I'd put here.
Grammar (10/20)
I found the vocabulary a little plain, but that's just my opinion. A lot of people like simple. There's a problem concerning grammar, though. It's awkward at times. And the use of 'to' instead of 'towards' like when Kris said -he was angry to her- when it shouldn't been towards. One common one was using till instead of until. If you're using till then it should be lead with an apostrophe (ex.'till) to indicate that it's slang. And unless used for a specific reason until is more appropriate in any case. Using off instead of out when referring to getting out of the car is an error. And the dialogue was also awkward. Mistakes like this and other things caused a dispute of flow between words within the story.
Flow (6/10)
The flow was good. I would have really liked it to the end if it hadn't been for the car accident. You clearly said that the car hit her hard. She should've been unconscious and bleeding terribly, if not dead. I just thought that part was extremely unrealistic. The fact that you made the results come way afterwards, we're talking hours(she would've been dead way before that her had heart really been punctured), makes it seem a little fake.
Characterization (10/10)
The characters were good. Kris is obviously upset with her but he can't help but love her still. He knows he should be angry at her for leaving him, he just can't find it in him. He's a pushover. Initially, I thought that JC was just the type that didn't believe in forever and preferred living in the moment rather than planning for a future that might not come. But, once her illness was introduced there was finally a reason to her attitude and it made sense in my mind. She was sick and had no idea when she was going to die. So, she said her goodbyes when she could. I like both of them and feel they compliement each other.
Overall Enjoyment (10/10)
I enjoyed it. Except for the problem with grammar and such, it was a nice read.
Reviewed by: MiaMae14
77/100!
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