Title (5/5)

A very clever play on words. Instead of “crybaby,” you used “cry boy,” which is suitable. Since Jaejoong is younger, he is a little boy in the eyes of the main female love interest. When the two first met, Jaejoong was crying. Throughout the story, he also sheds tears during many of their moments together, but he tries to smile for the woman he loves.

Foreword/Description (5/10)

There honestly isn’t much for me to critique in the first place since your foreword and description are practically empty.
Although the description is short, it leaves an air of mystique and drops a hint of the story’s plot, which I appreciate. This is a one-shot, so I wasn’t expecting much.

Appearance (3/5)

Overall, your story is very minimalistic. It doesn’t have a graphic, so I suggest requesting for one. The layout is clean and easy to read, and this story isn’t flashy at all – a good thing because like I said earlier, it is a one-shot.

Plot (15/15)

I was perfectly content with this story, and I find the idea of it very endearing.

Originality (15/15)

To be truthful, I haven’t seen anything like this before on this site since having an older OC is quite rare. Typically, the female OC is almost always younger than the male lead, so this was new to me.

Language (17.5/20)

Personally, I was impressed by your extensive vocabulary, and I admire your writing style. The repetition of “Younger men are _____” strengthened the theme of your story.

At the end of your one-shot, you do acknowledge your “abuse of comma usage”. I understand that this is your writing style, but there were a couple of run-on sentences due to this factor.

Some minor errors I caught:

“Cuppa” refers to a cup of tea, or it is a contraction of “cup of”. In this case, Jaejoong was drinking a cup of coffee, not tea. If you meant to use “cuppa” as “cup of,” then your phrase is incomplete.
“He reached for his cuppa, his mouth then foamy.” ↣ “He reached for his cuppa /cup of coffee, his mouth then foamy.”

Company titles should be capitalized completely.
“Tiffany and co. earrings” ↣ “Tiffany and Co. earrings”

Flow (10/10)

The progression of time is one of the key elements of this fanfiction. It shows how Jaejoong learned to love Heeyoung more and how she, in return, slowly fell for him as the two grew older.

Characterization (9/10)

I like to think of myself as a realist. To put it shortly, I don’t believe in “love at first sight”. When Jaejoong first saw Heeyoung, he was infatuated, not in love. After all, he was very young when he met her. Nevertheless, he did learn to love her over time. I find it interesting how he stuck by her side, despite what his friends said to him.

As for Heeyoung, I really can’t blame her for taking so long to accept Jaejoong. In reality, a majority of women don’t really go for younger men, so she did what most people would do. Her reactions to his confessions of love were sensible and believable.

Overall Enjoyment (10/10)

Your story is refreshing. It’s simple, yet it shows off your skill as a writer.

Reviewer: ohheyitzkat