Last Autumn's Embrace

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»Last Autumn's Embrace Review«

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Story

Title (3/5)

I really like the poetic feel it has and I am very sure it will be related to something significant within the story; I already noted her first meeting with Sehun being in Autumn but it will be unfair for me to give you a full score because the story has a long way to go and I'm assuming the highlight is yet to arrive. 
 
Foreward/Description (9/10)
 
Poetic and romantic; it really sets an ideal tone for the story. 
 
Appearance (5/5)
 
The current poster (along with all those at the bottom of the main page) are all gorgeous and fitting. 
 
Plot (10/15)
 
I am liking what I read although I do feel that progression is rather slow 10 chapters in; but if you're planning for a 100-chaptered story then I guess this is just about right.
 
I am however going to pick on a few "technical" errors
 
-Hana is supposedly poor but there was no mention of her struggle with affording a smartphone and supporting the phone bill
-Lacking details in how the delivery service at the cafe works
-I personally am a dancer so some dance step descriptions sounded off to me
-What was Hana even teaching Jongin? She was neither a professional choregrapher or a master of dance steps so I couldn't tell what skill she was imparting to him
-Where did Mr and Mrs Kim disappear to? There are only mentions of Hyeri in the house scenes
 
Definitely a rather matured and meaningful plot and I look forward to the rest of the story. 
 
 
Originality (13/15)
 
I really like the background of this story versus those typical high school based fanfics when it comes to EXO. You also touch on the less fortunate and it is done in a rather tasteful manner so I will give credit there. 
 
Language (18/20)
 
Your language is perfectly fine; I just managed to pick out a few small mistakes:
 
Chapter 2: "his" little sister; not "her"
The sun; not "The Sun"
towards not "towrds"
 
Chapter 6: "called" not "calle"
 
Flow (7/10)
 
Apart from the slow pace, the events link up quite nicely. 
 
Characterization (5/10)
 
I will give you a passing score here not because of a lacking but more like there is a lot of potential for it; hopefully in your subsequent chapters.
 
Hana definitely needs a lot more insight information as our main character; what exactly is it about her that is drawing Sehun and Jongin? Because personally, I don't know the answer; is it her beauty? Innocence? I assume the story about her family will be revealed in due time.
 
Sehun's family hasn't been touched upon and I reckon it would have made as a good form of comparison against Hana's ie how do they feel about him dancing? Leaving at night to pursue that passion, hanging out with someone like Hana and working at a cafe.
 
Jongin as the bossy friend was fine until I read the last chapter (ten) where he bullied Hana and couldn't comprehend the jealousy he felt when it was already established earlier that he was interested in Hana. 
 
One burning question I have about the characters is their age; it wasn't mentioned so I'm starting to wonder what happened to their education life etc.
 
Overall Enjoyment (7/10)
 
It was undeniable a good enjoyable read so hwating for the rest of your story =)
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
77/100!
 
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Comments

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ThanhXuan #1
Chapter 135: Thanks for the review ♡
Amalya #2
Chapter 134: Thank you for taking the time to review my story oohkatsoo. I didn't mind the wait and getting the additional perspective was a good thing in the end. ;)
I have been warned about the too many characters too quickly thing in a previous review and have yet to try and fix that, but duly noted again. haha As for the capitalization issue, I think I was going for that fairly bizarre context (in English anyway) where you capitalize some of the terms when they refer to very specific named creatures (Namjoon's father as a Titan (Perses in his back story) versus titans as a race). Likewise for chimaera though that one was never meant to be capitalized. The only one I really had an issue with in writing was actually Cyclops and that was because my spell checker kept saying the lowercase spelling was wrong. >.> lol
I will certainly consider adding more descriptions or definitions for some of the harder to grasp terms, such as what a titan actually is, in the future. I was much better about doing that in my Norse mythology story to be honest. lol I'm pretty sure the time crunch to finish it before the deadline made me sloppy here.
The game they played was meant to sort of parallel a crude cross between more modern day football (in the US) as evidenced by the in-story name, which is a fairly barbaric sport to begin with, and the gladiator events of ancient Greece and Rome, which were very barbaric events in which the competitors often died. As for the sudden appearance of the monster, I'm not sure I can actually fix that one, or if I want to at the moment. I'll think it over and see what comes of it, but either way, I do appreciate the review all the same.
It's especially nice to confirm what I am able to do well in the story just as much as it's good to be aware of what can be smoothed out more. So again, thank you for the review. I hope my comment might be able to help explain things a bit more in turn but I shall credit you and the shop immediately. ^_^
aya-ELF #3
Chapter 4: Hi!! I have a question, do you guys only do reviews for completed stories??
libianno #4
Chapter 128: Thank you for the review on Chasing Pavements. I appreciate you straight forward and honest opinions. I will use the pointers you have provided me well :)
funkybastard #5
Chapter 12: Hii, I just start writing and i really want to improve my skill and i like how blunt and forward this review shop is ^^. How do i request from the shop?
thelittleluhan #6
Chapter 113: Thank you for the review! I didn't expect what you gave me, I was honestly thinking it would be a lot worse. I'll definitely keep in mind what you said about Title and Appearance. I did feel the same about the title being less focused on the main character when you mentioned it, so that's definitely something I'll work on. I might see if I can change the title to a more fitting one (but I'm soooo bad at titles >_<). Thank you again for taking the time to review my story. You don't know how much it means to me that you at least enjoyed it ^_^
sorindae_ #7
Chapter 110: This review really hurt my feelings. But it's okay. I know of I have to improve my grammar. Thank you for helping review this story.
ZiahZiah #8
Thank you so much for the review! (honestly, I thought I'd get worse) hahaha I'll change that grammar error soon. I'm so glad you pointed that out. :) by the way, may I ask who my reviewer was? I wanted to credit them in my Foreword! Thank you! :D
-dulcet #9
Chapter 84: Oh thank you for the review. I'll credit you indeed I'll keep your tips in mind. Thank you :)
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