Last Autumn's Embrace

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»Last Autumn's Embrace Review«

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Story

Title (3/5)

I really like the poetic feel it has and I am very sure it will be related to something significant within the story; I already noted her first meeting with Sehun being in Autumn but it will be unfair for me to give you a full score because the story has a long way to go and I'm assuming the highlight is yet to arrive. 
 
Foreward/Description (9/10)
 
Poetic and romantic; it really sets an ideal tone for the story. 
 
Appearance (5/5)
 
The current poster (along with all those at the bottom of the main page) are all gorgeous and fitting. 
 
Plot (10/15)
 
I am liking what I read although I do feel that progression is rather slow 10 chapters in; but if you're planning for a 100-chaptered story then I guess this is just about right.
 
I am however going to pick on a few "technical" errors
 
-Hana is supposedly poor but there was no mention of her struggle with affording a smartphone and supporting the phone bill
-Lacking details in how the delivery service at the cafe works
-I personally am a dancer so some dance step descriptions sounded off to me
-What was Hana even teaching Jongin? She was neither a professional choregrapher or a master of dance steps so I couldn't tell what skill she was imparting to him
-Where did Mr and Mrs Kim disappear to? There are only mentions of Hyeri in the house scenes
 
Definitely a rather matured and meaningful plot and I look forward to the rest of the story. 
 
 
Originality (13/15)
 
I really like the background of this story versus those typical high school based fanfics when it comes to EXO. You also touch on the less fortunate and it is done in a rather tasteful manner so I will give credit there. 
 
Language (18/20)
 
Your language is perfectly fine; I just managed to pick out a few small mistakes:
 
Chapter 2: "his" little sister; not "her"
The sun; not "The Sun"
towards not "towrds"
 
Chapter 6: "called" not "calle"
 
Flow (7/10)
 
Apart from the slow pace, the events link up quite nicely. 
 
Characterization (5/10)
 
I will give you a passing score here not because of a lacking but more like there is a lot of potential for it; hopefully in your subsequent chapters.
 
Hana definitely needs a lot more insight information as our main character; what exactly is it about her that is drawing Sehun and Jongin? Because personally, I don't know the answer; is it her beauty? Innocence? I assume the story about her family will be revealed in due time.
 
Sehun's family hasn't been touched upon and I reckon it would have made as a good form of comparison against Hana's ie how do they feel about him dancing? Leaving at night to pursue that passion, hanging out with someone like Hana and working at a cafe.
 
Jongin as the bossy friend was fine until I read the last chapter (ten) where he bullied Hana and couldn't comprehend the jealousy he felt when it was already established earlier that he was interested in Hana. 
 
One burning question I have about the characters is their age; it wasn't mentioned so I'm starting to wonder what happened to their education life etc.
 
Overall Enjoyment (7/10)
 
It was undeniable a good enjoyable read so hwating for the rest of your story =)
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
77/100!
 
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Comments

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aya-ELF #1
Chapter 85: Thank you for the review dear! I was relly shocked with the language part OTL, I'm gonna go fix it right now! By the way, do you think it will be better if I write a simple prologue to explain the life of a demon and what's the benefit to have a mate??
EPIONE #2
Heyy,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was just wondering where you're currently working this year as a reviewer?
I'd love to request from you again.

Best,
Epione
teenme14 #3
Chapter 72: Okay.. Thanks for the review ^^

Now to clarify XD
Title: As you said, the highlight/ of the story has not yet come. So yeahh..
Plot: This is my first chaptered story after my long hiatus from writing. After the hiatus, I wrote a two shot. So, I kinda forgot how to write a chaptered story XD The present time of the story is at the end of Summer (hence, their summer break). Oh, and I plan on making this fic a 40 chaptered fic.
- I guess I haven't mentioned the type of phone she is using. Samsung phones are quite cheap in Korea but are also expensive for people with financial probs. So, back to her phone. The phone she is using is a Samsung Galaxy Win Pro G3812. And she is using pre-paid which you'll have to top-up each time the credit finishes or it expires, whichever comes first.
- The cafe's delivery system works like this: A person will order through phone, and they jot down the name and address of the person. One of the workers will be asked to deliver the drink/food. If the house is near enough, they deliver by foot. If it is rather far, they ride a bike.
-I am not a dancer and... OTL I really need a dancer to help me whenever dancing scenes come up TT.TT
- About Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it will be known in the next chapter that I'm writing now.
Characterization: I am really bad at this XD Jongin's feelings at first was just merely interested. It's not a crush. He just simply feels interested by the girl. Hana & Sehun... We'll know more once we're more into the story XD

So.. yeah.. Thanks ^^ Sorry for the English mistakes. English is not my first language
teenme14 #4
Chapter 62: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! ^^ it's a bit fast paced coz I had a deadline to follow and finished it in 2 days xD I was planning on making a special chapter for the part before jongdae confessed to get to know Hye Sun better and how Jongdae came to like her. I was in a rush, so yeah. I was thinking that a LIFETIME to forget was that, he WOULD eventually fall in love with another girl but he would never forget Hye Sun since she was his first love. About the part where she died: I wanted her to die in an accifent rather than in the surgery was because Jongdae's parents died in an accident too which would somehow, idk, increase the pain (whut)
hanajoe #5
Chapter 32: Thanks for the review^^
I know my i'm not good enough in English T-T but i will try my best to write it!
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