Picture Something Perfect

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»Picture Something PerfectReview«

Picture Something Perfect - main story image

Story

Title (4/5)

I like it's relation to photography and it links to your description nicely.
 
Foreward/Description (8/10)
 
It gives a nice introduction with no details given. Captivating so I will give you credit here. 
 
Appearance (3/5)
 
The poster looks rather plain and I don't know what to expect about the story looking at it; genre etc. But I do like the character chart and story status with pictures.
 
Plot (10/15)
 
Score as such due to the fact that this story is just beginning. I see a lot of possibilities for story development so there is potential in that area. 
 
So far you have brought the characters into the story smoothly and created interest in them from your readers so well done.
 
Some advice: Plan your story, take care of your and highlight. Seems character centered as you introduced them as the "photographer" and "waitress". Think about how you're going to play their titles into the story.
 
Originality (11/15)
 
Hard to judge but I like the direction it's going with a hint of maturity and non highschool based.
 
Language (18/20)
 
Overall I can tell you have a grasp of the English language but note your phrasing and tenses at times. It almost seems as if you're translating from a different language. Also I admire your use of big words but too much may render it difficult to read for some readers in a fanfiction world. 
 
When using another language ie "lengua materna" you might want to do it in italics and perhaps even put the English meaning in brackets. Not everyone knows what it means. 
 
Flow (9/10)
 
So far so good, smooth and well-paced.
 
Characterization (7/10)
 
I do like how you have introduced the characters so far as the "photographer" and "waitress" but slight question on Anna's background; why does she have an English name and her sister not?
 
Also bear in mind when you mix so many cultures together. Korean girl working in a Japanese restaurant; Chinese man traveling the world and being able to converse in so many languages. Take note of the different cultures between Chinese and Koreans when you go into the meeting as well.
 
Overall Enjoyment (7/10)
 
I'm only reading a glimpse into the story, so far so good.
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
77/100!
 
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Comments

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aya-ELF #1
Chapter 85: Thank you for the review dear! I was relly shocked with the language part OTL, I'm gonna go fix it right now! By the way, do you think it will be better if I write a simple prologue to explain the life of a demon and what's the benefit to have a mate??
EPIONE #2
Heyy,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was just wondering where you're currently working this year as a reviewer?
I'd love to request from you again.

Best,
Epione
teenme14 #3
Chapter 72: Okay.. Thanks for the review ^^

Now to clarify XD
Title: As you said, the highlight/ of the story has not yet come. So yeahh..
Plot: This is my first chaptered story after my long hiatus from writing. After the hiatus, I wrote a two shot. So, I kinda forgot how to write a chaptered story XD The present time of the story is at the end of Summer (hence, their summer break). Oh, and I plan on making this fic a 40 chaptered fic.
- I guess I haven't mentioned the type of phone she is using. Samsung phones are quite cheap in Korea but are also expensive for people with financial probs. So, back to her phone. The phone she is using is a Samsung Galaxy Win Pro G3812. And she is using pre-paid which you'll have to top-up each time the credit finishes or it expires, whichever comes first.
- The cafe's delivery system works like this: A person will order through phone, and they jot down the name and address of the person. One of the workers will be asked to deliver the drink/food. If the house is near enough, they deliver by foot. If it is rather far, they ride a bike.
-I am not a dancer and... OTL I really need a dancer to help me whenever dancing scenes come up TT.TT
- About Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it will be known in the next chapter that I'm writing now.
Characterization: I am really bad at this XD Jongin's feelings at first was just merely interested. It's not a crush. He just simply feels interested by the girl. Hana & Sehun... We'll know more once we're more into the story XD

So.. yeah.. Thanks ^^ Sorry for the English mistakes. English is not my first language
teenme14 #4
Chapter 62: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! ^^ it's a bit fast paced coz I had a deadline to follow and finished it in 2 days xD I was planning on making a special chapter for the part before jongdae confessed to get to know Hye Sun better and how Jongdae came to like her. I was in a rush, so yeah. I was thinking that a LIFETIME to forget was that, he WOULD eventually fall in love with another girl but he would never forget Hye Sun since she was his first love. About the part where she died: I wanted her to die in an accifent rather than in the surgery was because Jongdae's parents died in an accident too which would somehow, idk, increase the pain (whut)
hanajoe #5
Chapter 32: Thanks for the review^^
I know my i'm not good enough in English T-T but i will try my best to write it!
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