Not Your Fairy Tale Romance - Review

Story Reviews

Title (4.5/5)

I like the meaning of it but given your level of English I would have liked something more deep, flowery with poetic touch.
 
Foreward/Description (8/10)
 
I love your description. But I would have liked something into Luna/Kris in the foreword.
 
Appearance (3/5)
 
I think its average and I'm not sure if Kris should be included as well since he's kind of an important character here.
 
Plot (12/15)
 
I really loved the story. I usually give a lot of comments here but your general storyline and flow is good. Nothing shocking or out of the blue; quite a typical abusive boyfriend knight in shining armour kind of story but written very well.
 
Penalizing you slightly here because I expected you to have better closure; particularly on Kris. Also on Luna's emotional recovery and what took her so long to come back etc.
 
Originality (14/15)
 
Quite a typical story as mentioned above but a nice introduction to the fanfiction world so giving you higher scores here as well.
 
Grammer & Spelling (20/20)
 
Really nothing to penalize here, you have great language.
 
Flow (8/10)
 
Could be a bit too draggy in chapters making it quite tiring to read; you could put more into emotions instead of description.
 
Characterization (9/10)
 
I know them but once again maybe more emotions would be nice since this is quite an emotional story; abuse does a lot to someone internally.
 
Overall Enjoyment (8/10)
 
Like mentioned above, you're a great writer so it makes reading very enjoyable but chapters are too draggy. Keep up the good work!
 
Total: 86.5/100
 
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aya-ELF #1
Chapter 85: Thank you for the review dear! I was relly shocked with the language part OTL, I'm gonna go fix it right now! By the way, do you think it will be better if I write a simple prologue to explain the life of a demon and what's the benefit to have a mate??
EPIONE #2
Heyy,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was just wondering where you're currently working this year as a reviewer?
I'd love to request from you again.

Best,
Epione
teenme14 #3
Chapter 72: Okay.. Thanks for the review ^^

Now to clarify XD
Title: As you said, the highlight/ of the story has not yet come. So yeahh..
Plot: This is my first chaptered story after my long hiatus from writing. After the hiatus, I wrote a two shot. So, I kinda forgot how to write a chaptered story XD The present time of the story is at the end of Summer (hence, their summer break). Oh, and I plan on making this fic a 40 chaptered fic.
- I guess I haven't mentioned the type of phone she is using. Samsung phones are quite cheap in Korea but are also expensive for people with financial probs. So, back to her phone. The phone she is using is a Samsung Galaxy Win Pro G3812. And she is using pre-paid which you'll have to top-up each time the credit finishes or it expires, whichever comes first.
- The cafe's delivery system works like this: A person will order through phone, and they jot down the name and address of the person. One of the workers will be asked to deliver the drink/food. If the house is near enough, they deliver by foot. If it is rather far, they ride a bike.
-I am not a dancer and... OTL I really need a dancer to help me whenever dancing scenes come up TT.TT
- About Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it will be known in the next chapter that I'm writing now.
Characterization: I am really bad at this XD Jongin's feelings at first was just merely interested. It's not a crush. He just simply feels interested by the girl. Hana & Sehun... We'll know more once we're more into the story XD

So.. yeah.. Thanks ^^ Sorry for the English mistakes. English is not my first language
teenme14 #4
Chapter 62: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! ^^ it's a bit fast paced coz I had a deadline to follow and finished it in 2 days xD I was planning on making a special chapter for the part before jongdae confessed to get to know Hye Sun better and how Jongdae came to like her. I was in a rush, so yeah. I was thinking that a LIFETIME to forget was that, he WOULD eventually fall in love with another girl but he would never forget Hye Sun since she was his first love. About the part where she died: I wanted her to die in an accifent rather than in the surgery was because Jongdae's parents died in an accident too which would somehow, idk, increase the pain (whut)
hanajoe #5
Chapter 32: Thanks for the review^^
I know my i'm not good enough in English T-T but i will try my best to write it!
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