My Brother's Bestfriend Review

Story Reviews

»My Brother's Bestfriend Review«

My Brother's Bestfriend - main story image

 

 

Title (4/5)

It is an appropriate title but you could choose something more relevant to the topic of arranged marriages or even something that was centered around Ji Eun since she seems like the main character.
 
Foreward/Description (6/10)
 
You might want to include some content from the first chapter here instead; maybe a one-liner about the fact that she once had a boyfriend, that Baek Hyun is someone she doesnt like; ie rude instead of boring because you used that word on him later. I like that you add the content from chapter one because it will induce some suspense amongst your readers.
 
Appearance (4/5)
 
It is an ok looking suitable poster.
 
Plot (10/15)
 
I like the idea in general. Very unique and interesting with a lot of potential in terms of story and character development.
 
However; it could be partially due to your grasp of the english language that is slightly hindering you from reaching the full potential of detailed description. For instance, more could be done in building up the relationship between Ji Eun and Minhyuk; the deep affection she has for him despite the cold and abusive treatment she receives. This would make us hate Minhyuk and empathize with Ji Eun and have in insight into her deep love for him. This will help because if in the future chapters you wish to make Ji Eun defend Minhyuk, you have to sort of make the readers understand why; which is due to that undying love. 
 
A lot of work needs to be put in in the Ji Eun and Baek Hyun relationship build-up as well. We need to know how exactly they were to each other before the annoucement that they were betrothed to each other. I don't quite get the immense hatred Ji Eun has against Minhyuk as well so maybe more details in the first part would be helpful especially as we walk through how their feelings towards each other will change progressively.
 
Lots of potential here so hwaiting!
 
Originality (13/15)
 
Cute idea as I mentioned above. Arranged marriages always leave a lot of room for emotional development amongst the characters.
 
Grammer & Spelling (15/20)
 
This may be your weak point but I would prefer more content/details in your story development.
 
Flow (8/10)
 
Relatively well done but the pace is rather fast; you can lengthen each event more.
 
Characterization (6/10)
 
As mentioned above, more effort to be put in in bringing out the emotions and relationship individually and between characters.
 
Overall Enjoyment (8/10)
 
Could be better written but loved the plot.
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal

74/100!

 
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aya-ELF
#1
Chapter 85: Thank you for the review dear! I was relly shocked with the language part OTL, I'm gonna go fix it right now! By the way, do you think it will be better if I write a simple prologue to explain the life of a demon and what's the benefit to have a mate??
EPIONE
#2
Heyy,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was just wondering where you're currently working this year as a reviewer?
I'd love to request from you again.

Best,
Epione
teenme14
#3
Chapter 72: Okay.. Thanks for the review ^^

Now to clarify XD
Title: As you said, the highlight/ of the story has not yet come. So yeahh..
Plot: This is my first chaptered story after my long hiatus from writing. After the hiatus, I wrote a two shot. So, I kinda forgot how to write a chaptered story XD The present time of the story is at the end of Summer (hence, their summer break). Oh, and I plan on making this fic a 40 chaptered fic.
- I guess I haven't mentioned the type of phone she is using. Samsung phones are quite cheap in Korea but are also expensive for people with financial probs. So, back to her phone. The phone she is using is a Samsung Galaxy Win Pro G3812. And she is using pre-paid which you'll have to top-up each time the credit finishes or it expires, whichever comes first.
- The cafe's delivery system works like this: A person will order through phone, and they jot down the name and address of the person. One of the workers will be asked to deliver the drink/food. If the house is near enough, they deliver by foot. If it is rather far, they ride a bike.
-I am not a dancer and... OTL I really need a dancer to help me whenever dancing scenes come up TT.TT
- About Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it will be known in the next chapter that I'm writing now.
Characterization: I am really bad at this XD Jongin's feelings at first was just merely interested. It's not a crush. He just simply feels interested by the girl. Hana & Sehun... We'll know more once we're more into the story XD

So.. yeah.. Thanks ^^ Sorry for the English mistakes. English is not my first language
teenme14
#4
Chapter 62: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! ^^ it's a bit fast paced coz I had a deadline to follow and finished it in 2 days xD I was planning on making a special chapter for the part before jongdae confessed to get to know Hye Sun better and how Jongdae came to like her. I was in a rush, so yeah. I was thinking that a LIFETIME to forget was that, he WOULD eventually fall in love with another girl but he would never forget Hye Sun since she was his first love. About the part where she died: I wanted her to die in an accifent rather than in the surgery was because Jongdae's parents died in an accident too which would somehow, idk, increase the pain (whut)
hanajoe #5
Chapter 32: Thanks for the review^^
I know my i'm not good enough in English T-T but i will try my best to write it!