Behind The Stage

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»Behind The Stage Review«

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Story

Title (3/5)

This review is done till chapter 4 but I can tell that this is about what happens behind the the lives of these kpop stars but using the term "behind the stage" basically just refers to "backstage" which doesn't fit; a suggestion might be "behind the scenes". Definitely an appropriately themed title and I will credit that. 
 
Foreward/Description (3/10)
 
The lack in the language aspect made it confusing but I could still make out the summary of the story and the last question does evoke some curiosity amongst readers to read on. 
 
Appearance (3/5)
 
The poster is decent in the sense that I can feel the glamour but they don't seem much like a couple to me. Also, your fonts change from chapter to chapter which is a negative point. 
 
Plot (8/15)
 
I will give you a passing mark but there is really nothing for me to judge so new into the story. But I already have quite a few feedback which I hope will prove to be useful to you
 
-you started off with Hyorin wanting to quit the kpop industry without citing her love life as the reason and it threw me off with her attitude
-the random mention of white swans and black swans also annoyed me for a while there I thought it was a quote from the movie the black swan
-i can sort of understand the introduction of the psycho fan but a chapter on it's on? you could have placed it as a small paragraph at the end of a chapter. 
 
So much room for plot development; how are they going to face the world now that the cat is out of the bag? Tips; plan well and narrate in a more flowy manner. Think about how you would like to read the story out, hopefully that will eliminate the short sentences. 
 
 
Originality (9/15)
 
I do enjoy reality-based fictions; ie Hyorin and Chanyeol are members Sistar and EXO as in the way we know them so this is interesting. Do leverage on reality to spice up your story. 
 
Language (5/20)
 
I'm sorry but I have to be straight-forward here and say that you don't even have the basics.
 
-Sentence structure; capitalization, punctuation: Sentences should end with a single full stop after which the first word should be capitalized. Words in a sentence should not have capitalization unless it's a name or title etc
-POV: When you mention that the story is in Chanyeol's POV...everything should be in "I..." instead of "He..."; which is third POV. 
-Your sentences are abrupt which is mostly due to your lack in vocabulary and flow in language
-Also note tenses; past and present and watch your -ing.
-Lee Soo Man (note the capitalization) is a HE not a HER.
 
Flow (3/10)
 
I have to penalize you here; there was no flow in your writing and events. 
 
Characterization (4/10)
 
As mentioned above, I couldn't understand Hyorin's take on career vs love life and Chanyeol's as well even though I can sense that he would like to announce their relationship to the world. The discussion in chapter 2 was almost non-existent; a single sentence before they started kissing. 

I couldn't quite understand Dasom here too, a bossy maknae?
 
Overall Enjoyment (3/10)
 
As mentioned above, it is very early into the story to determine much so hwaiting for the rest of the story; maybe getting a beta reader might help improve your language. 
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
41/100!
 
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Comments

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aya-ELF #1
Chapter 85: Thank you for the review dear! I was relly shocked with the language part OTL, I'm gonna go fix it right now! By the way, do you think it will be better if I write a simple prologue to explain the life of a demon and what's the benefit to have a mate??
EPIONE #2
Heyy,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was just wondering where you're currently working this year as a reviewer?
I'd love to request from you again.

Best,
Epione
teenme14 #3
Chapter 72: Okay.. Thanks for the review ^^

Now to clarify XD
Title: As you said, the highlight/ of the story has not yet come. So yeahh..
Plot: This is my first chaptered story after my long hiatus from writing. After the hiatus, I wrote a two shot. So, I kinda forgot how to write a chaptered story XD The present time of the story is at the end of Summer (hence, their summer break). Oh, and I plan on making this fic a 40 chaptered fic.
- I guess I haven't mentioned the type of phone she is using. Samsung phones are quite cheap in Korea but are also expensive for people with financial probs. So, back to her phone. The phone she is using is a Samsung Galaxy Win Pro G3812. And she is using pre-paid which you'll have to top-up each time the credit finishes or it expires, whichever comes first.
- The cafe's delivery system works like this: A person will order through phone, and they jot down the name and address of the person. One of the workers will be asked to deliver the drink/food. If the house is near enough, they deliver by foot. If it is rather far, they ride a bike.
-I am not a dancer and... OTL I really need a dancer to help me whenever dancing scenes come up TT.TT
- About Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it will be known in the next chapter that I'm writing now.
Characterization: I am really bad at this XD Jongin's feelings at first was just merely interested. It's not a crush. He just simply feels interested by the girl. Hana & Sehun... We'll know more once we're more into the story XD

So.. yeah.. Thanks ^^ Sorry for the English mistakes. English is not my first language
teenme14 #4
Chapter 62: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! ^^ it's a bit fast paced coz I had a deadline to follow and finished it in 2 days xD I was planning on making a special chapter for the part before jongdae confessed to get to know Hye Sun better and how Jongdae came to like her. I was in a rush, so yeah. I was thinking that a LIFETIME to forget was that, he WOULD eventually fall in love with another girl but he would never forget Hye Sun since she was his first love. About the part where she died: I wanted her to die in an accifent rather than in the surgery was because Jongdae's parents died in an accident too which would somehow, idk, increase the pain (whut)
hanajoe #5
Chapter 32: Thanks for the review^^
I know my i'm not good enough in English T-T but i will try my best to write it!
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