I'll Love You Forever
Story Reviews»I'll Love You ForeverReview«
Title (3/5)
The title is abit too boring and normal. Also your story is slightly more "twisted" so a more creative title would be suitable.
Foreward/Description (5/10)
I am going to penalize you here because the rest of the story was so well written and the description sort of spoils it. Firstly, writing a description like that sort of "gives the story away" because you have written the gist of it there. Also after having read the description; the first chapter suddenly seems too long and pointless because we all know they are going to have a baby. Also you mentioned "before he could decide...life chose for him" seems so deep but in actual fact in the story you left vey little room for internal debates before Baekhyun was already pronounced dead. I understand this is a very short story so try to come up with a catchy and interesting short description to capture the readers without giving too much away.
Appearance (3/5)
Theyr're cute but the overall feel is too puppy-love whereas this story revolves around rather matured themes.
Plot (13/15)
I need to start off by saying what an amazing story this is. Truly. There is so much thoughts put into it; the themes you are handling are not easy but you manipulated your readers emotions very well to guide them through the story.
Putting aside the above comments made on the description and title; I will give some feedback on the plot in general
- First chapter was beautifully written. It gave a good insight into their relationship as well as individual characters. Good foundation for the rest of the story to build on. Also well done on the cliffhanger at the end
- However you might want to give a bit of introduction to male pregnancy either in your foreword/description or first chapter. Because here it seems like you're making Baekhyun seem like a girl and that getting pregnant is quite common? Mpreg is usually so you need to explain as you left a lot of room for questions such as; 1) Baekhyun doesnt seem surprised he is pregnant; he knows he can get pregnant? 2) If so why are they irresponsible enough to get pregnant despite being sensible enough to understand that they are too young
- Second chapter was very fast paced but you managed to write it quite clearly so not too much complaints there. However Sehun's character did put me off slightly in that he was rather rude to Baekhyun towards the end despite him coming across super sweet all the while
- Also a tad bit confusing on Baekhyun's true emotions/intentions towards the pregnancy as well; he talks about an abortion and later raising it with his parents
- In the middle of pregnancy when he starts to doubt Sehun; why did the option of going to his parents not surface again?
- As mentioned above; the "decision making" part was too fast and I dont quite understand how the doctor made the decision on Sehun's behalf and "accepting" Sehuns answer of both
- Lastly, you are introducing into the story which makes it kind of "disturbing" so you might want to do it in a more subtle way or bring your readers to understand it in a more gradual manner
Originality (15/15)
Full marks here. Mindblowing imagination and creativity
Grammer & Spelling (19/20)
I didn't spot any big mistakes; simple language.
Flow (7/10)
General building up of plot is good but you might need to rethink which parts you want to emphasize on and adjust the length accordingly.
Characterization (8/10)
As mentioned, you did a good job in bringing our their personalities from the first chapter.
Overall Enjoyment (10/10)
I thoroughly enjoyed the reading; would definitely recommend it so full marks here.
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
83/100!
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