Partis Nex Vita - Six Point Magic
Story Reviews»Partis Nex Vita - Six Point Magic Review«
Title (5/5)
Suitable title.
Foreward/Description (9/10)
As a story which holds a lot of questions throughout the story development the description talks enough about the overall storyline leaving a lot of room for imagination to wander.
Appearance (5/5)
The poster is very well done especially the captions.
Plot (13/15)
The idea behind it is definitely fresh and expected coming from an imaginative mind like yours. But do be careful once again as you lead your readers in. If you are creating a new "species" and there was "powers" and "magic" being involved here, good explanation has to be given. Since we have not reached a point where plenty of questions are still yet to be answered, you still have the chance to fulfill this.
- As this story is rather intense, it is definitely appreciated that you added in a bit of fluffiness in the form of "girls" for BTS
- A character chart might help as the number of characters keep increasing and if you don't know the bands being involved it might be a tad bit confusing.
- Even though I know EXO and TVXQ, I can't figure out who the rainbow haired person is.
- Also doesn't help that the BTS members switch between their actual and real names. You might want to choose one and use it for the story. The dual identity plays no role in this story
- The EXO entrance was rather lengthy and if you wanted to leave things hanging, it could have been made much shorter. My suggestion is that you explain all about how Lay can revive people etc within the lengthy opening chapters and open up questions pertaining only to how it got passed down in the subsequent chapters. Maybe alternating between past and present might help in making the story more exciting as well.
- Since you are touching on the topic of the death coming back to life, a lot of emotions and psychological aspect needs to be added in. As you mentioned you did try researching on it; maybe you can look up coma patients or those that drowned and got revived etc. Especially for those that came back to life, they do not appear to be as traumatized as I would expect them to be. Also it does feel that everyone is rather accepting towards these "magical happenings"
All the best for the rest of the story!
Originality (15/15)
Mindblowing creativity.
Grammer & Spelling (20/20)
Nothing to penalize here.
Flow (7/10)
The opening EXO chapters were way too lengthy and they made up multiple chapters which is quite a big chunk. The story opens up a lot of questions like it's supposed to but there's too little "exciting" cliffhangers to keep your readers on the edge of their seats. I'm left reading on just waiting for you to reveal the answers that I've pretty much figured out roughly what they are. Story is rather lengthy and draggy as well.
Characterization (7/10)
As mentioned above, too many characters and the dual identity is not necessary. Also no background on why Lay and Rap Mon has been the "chosen one". You could have at least drawn some similarities between them.
Overall Enjoyment (7/10)
Too slow a start which does not make it captivating enough. Could definitely move at a faster pace with more revealed in each chapter. But with your good language and creative mind, the story isn't a bad read if you have the time and patience.
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
88/100!
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