Frozen in time with Ice Price Kris Wu - Review

Story Reviews
Firstly I find this it weird doing a review for an uncompleted story but I will just review it based on its current progress.
 
Title (3/5)
 
So far, I don't get how this is "frozen in time"; time-travelling might be a bit more appropriate but it will give away the story? Also Kris Wu is redundant; "the Ice Prince" would have suffice.
 
Foreward/Description (8/10)
 
Description is cute. Foreword carries a good meaning as well but the language can be improved upon.
 
Appearance (4/5)
 
I love everything except Kris's face; you could have chosen a "colder looking" picture versus this which looks rather shifty to me.
 
Plot (13/15)
 
So far so good just have a few concerns on the content:
-Why was Hyunmi wondering how Kris looked like even though she had already seen him in the coffin
-Why does she need princess courses; I would have assumed she was already of royal status when betrothed to a prince
-I would have liked more time spent on Hyunmi's reaction when she woke up and realised she had travelled back in time; I mean I sure would have freaked to death waking up to an alien place
 
Looking forward to how you are going to turn their relationship into a deep one despite a bad start. Do be careful because this is now Hyunmi we are talking about and not Kang Min Hee so their characters might not be the same? So Kris could have fallen in love with Min Hee but he might not like Hyunmi. Assuming we are not going to change the past; do try to emphasize that they have the same personalities; use Joohyun well she will be important. Not sure if you would like to touch on what happened in the present time with Hyunmi's disappearance?
 
Originality (13/15)
 
Interesting so far. Very traditional fairy tale story.
 
Grammer & Spelling (19/20)
 
Nothing too serious except a few mistakes here and there:
 
"Umh, Ms Kim? We're supposed to gave a tour around the Musuem right? Ms Lee said so." -Erm Miss Kim, aren't we supposed to be conducting a tour of the museum? Ms Lee told me so"
 
 
Flow (7/10)
 
Its alright so far except for the few points of confusion as mentioned above. Also note your italics; some of them don't make sense. Do they refer to thoughts or just the past or dialogues?
 
Characterization (8/10)
 
Hyunmi's character has been quite well-established. Make sure you do up Min Hee's well and link the two.
 
Overall Enjoyment (10/10)
 
Giving you a 10 because it keeps me waiting for more; wanting to hit the subscribe button to find out what happens next ;-)
 
 
 
Total: 85/100
Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
Back to Top ↑

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
aya-ELF #1
Chapter 85: Thank you for the review dear! I was relly shocked with the language part OTL, I'm gonna go fix it right now! By the way, do you think it will be better if I write a simple prologue to explain the life of a demon and what's the benefit to have a mate??
EPIONE #2
Heyy,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was just wondering where you're currently working this year as a reviewer?
I'd love to request from you again.

Best,
Epione
teenme14 #3
Chapter 72: Okay.. Thanks for the review ^^

Now to clarify XD
Title: As you said, the highlight/ of the story has not yet come. So yeahh..
Plot: This is my first chaptered story after my long hiatus from writing. After the hiatus, I wrote a two shot. So, I kinda forgot how to write a chaptered story XD The present time of the story is at the end of Summer (hence, their summer break). Oh, and I plan on making this fic a 40 chaptered fic.
- I guess I haven't mentioned the type of phone she is using. Samsung phones are quite cheap in Korea but are also expensive for people with financial probs. So, back to her phone. The phone she is using is a Samsung Galaxy Win Pro G3812. And she is using pre-paid which you'll have to top-up each time the credit finishes or it expires, whichever comes first.
- The cafe's delivery system works like this: A person will order through phone, and they jot down the name and address of the person. One of the workers will be asked to deliver the drink/food. If the house is near enough, they deliver by foot. If it is rather far, they ride a bike.
-I am not a dancer and... OTL I really need a dancer to help me whenever dancing scenes come up TT.TT
- About Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it will be known in the next chapter that I'm writing now.
Characterization: I am really bad at this XD Jongin's feelings at first was just merely interested. It's not a crush. He just simply feels interested by the girl. Hana & Sehun... We'll know more once we're more into the story XD

So.. yeah.. Thanks ^^ Sorry for the English mistakes. English is not my first language
teenme14 #4
Chapter 62: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! ^^ it's a bit fast paced coz I had a deadline to follow and finished it in 2 days xD I was planning on making a special chapter for the part before jongdae confessed to get to know Hye Sun better and how Jongdae came to like her. I was in a rush, so yeah. I was thinking that a LIFETIME to forget was that, he WOULD eventually fall in love with another girl but he would never forget Hye Sun since she was his first love. About the part where she died: I wanted her to die in an accifent rather than in the surgery was because Jongdae's parents died in an accident too which would somehow, idk, increase the pain (whut)
hanajoe #5
Chapter 32: Thanks for the review^^
I know my i'm not good enough in English T-T but i will try my best to write it!
Back to Top ↑