Give Your Heart a Break

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»Give Your Heart a BreakReview«

Story

 

Title (3/5)

You're an amazing writer so honestly I would have preferred a title which suited story more; its more of the opening of heart or breaking down of barriers around the heart (referring to Hyukjae of course)
 
Foreward/Description (9/10)
 
I really like it; short and simple once again but with a strong impact. Though one slight comment; is it a "he has to prove him wrong" or "he wants to prove him wrong"? Food for thought.
 
Appearance (0/5)
 
You do not have any posters so I think it's only fair you do not score in this segment.
 
Plot (14/15)
 
First I love this story, I think its sweet and touching and I couldn't have asked for a more perfect ending. The start was brilliant. I got hooked almost instantly.
 
Just a couple of pointers:
-I didn't get the feeling that Donghae was genuinely in love/have feelings for Hyukjae within the first chapter. It could be deemed as Donghae just being a determined person to accomplish what he wants; to offer Hyukjae the feeling being loved without himself being in it
-Which brings me to the second comment on bringing in Donghae's background and what he really feels (introduce snippets of it in the first chapter in between their "chat sessions"
-I don't quite catch the meaming behind Kyuhyun as the messenger as well; it feels nice if Donghae himself delivered the gifts. It could be so for many reasons, Donghae is shy, Donghae wants to make Hyukjae yearn for him etc but this wasn't brought out on the day they met
-Choosing Vday; a significant day for love as first date; you failed to bring out the meaning of it. Maybe make Hyukjae look at the couples around him and feel lonely, or make Donghae explain Vday to him, or Donghae using the atmosphere of Vday etc...
 
 
Originality (14/15)
 
Fresh idea with a tinge of deeper meaning embedded within. Well done.
 
Grammer & Spelling (20/20)
 
Nothing to penalize here.
 
Flow (7/10)
 
As mentioned above, a lead up into chapter 2's emotional and relationship development would be nice.

Also, the numbering makes it feel like you could have broken them up into individual chapters. Personally for Chapter 1; I felt that I and II could have been put into another prologue or acted as an opening chapter. 

If you intentionally wanted to make it "short" by forcing it into 2 chapters you may remove the numbering and just put a line.
 
Characterization (8/10)
 
Definitely more could have been done for Donghae.
 
Overall Enjoyment (10/10)
 
Capitvated me from the start. Definitely a good recommend.
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
85/100!
 
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aya-ELF #1
Chapter 85: Thank you for the review dear! I was relly shocked with the language part OTL, I'm gonna go fix it right now! By the way, do you think it will be better if I write a simple prologue to explain the life of a demon and what's the benefit to have a mate??
EPIONE #2
Heyy,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was just wondering where you're currently working this year as a reviewer?
I'd love to request from you again.

Best,
Epione
teenme14 #3
Chapter 72: Okay.. Thanks for the review ^^

Now to clarify XD
Title: As you said, the highlight/ of the story has not yet come. So yeahh..
Plot: This is my first chaptered story after my long hiatus from writing. After the hiatus, I wrote a two shot. So, I kinda forgot how to write a chaptered story XD The present time of the story is at the end of Summer (hence, their summer break). Oh, and I plan on making this fic a 40 chaptered fic.
- I guess I haven't mentioned the type of phone she is using. Samsung phones are quite cheap in Korea but are also expensive for people with financial probs. So, back to her phone. The phone she is using is a Samsung Galaxy Win Pro G3812. And she is using pre-paid which you'll have to top-up each time the credit finishes or it expires, whichever comes first.
- The cafe's delivery system works like this: A person will order through phone, and they jot down the name and address of the person. One of the workers will be asked to deliver the drink/food. If the house is near enough, they deliver by foot. If it is rather far, they ride a bike.
-I am not a dancer and... OTL I really need a dancer to help me whenever dancing scenes come up TT.TT
- About Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it will be known in the next chapter that I'm writing now.
Characterization: I am really bad at this XD Jongin's feelings at first was just merely interested. It's not a crush. He just simply feels interested by the girl. Hana & Sehun... We'll know more once we're more into the story XD

So.. yeah.. Thanks ^^ Sorry for the English mistakes. English is not my first language
teenme14 #4
Chapter 62: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! ^^ it's a bit fast paced coz I had a deadline to follow and finished it in 2 days xD I was planning on making a special chapter for the part before jongdae confessed to get to know Hye Sun better and how Jongdae came to like her. I was in a rush, so yeah. I was thinking that a LIFETIME to forget was that, he WOULD eventually fall in love with another girl but he would never forget Hye Sun since she was his first love. About the part where she died: I wanted her to die in an accifent rather than in the surgery was because Jongdae's parents died in an accident too which would somehow, idk, increase the pain (whut)
hanajoe #5
Chapter 32: Thanks for the review^^
I know my i'm not good enough in English T-T but i will try my best to write it!
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